I meant to "My mom has NOT stopped drinking since she came home in 3/15.

I haven't posted my story on this site as of yet and I know I should. I discovered your blog today and have enjoyed reading your posts and readers' comments. Both of my parents are life long alcoholics. Mom is 73; Dad 74. I'm 53 and have CRPS. I live 1.5 hrs away and cannot drive that far. Mom demands attention and phone calls. Dad communicates via email. They are getting worse in the empathy department. They have no ability to rationalize. We almost lost both of them last year due to alcohol. Both have cirrhosis. Mom also has CHF and COPD. Dad has Pancreatitis and a liver 'on the edge". His doctor told me if he continued to drink he would've died in 2-3 months. They both were hospitalized at the same time last year into this year. (second time this has happened). Each time it happens they come back home only to pick up the bottle again. They did it again this time. I know I cannot change them. It would be a miracle if they did not drink together again. They have always denied even drinking thus refusing professional help. What I'm having a hard time with is not engaging or disagreeing with their comments. I realize they are not my mom and dad anymore and they are not saying anything to purposely hurt me. It's just so hard for me to quickly change the subject. I'm better at saying I have to go. All of this is even harder in emailing. One cannot read "feelings' in an email, therefore taking certain comments out of context. Dad and I both do it. He never calls on the phone so hence the emailing. I don't know what do about continuing the emails and phone calls. They no longer can carry on a conversation. I'm not good at thinking of things to talk about. No matter what or who I tell them about (even my children) they find the negative in it. Even if it's good news. It's always about them. All the time. I should be used to this by now, but CRPS has given me anxiety and panic. Staying away from toxic people is harder when it's your own parents who are toxic. When they were both in the hospital I had POAs drawn up and had them signed and notarized. Now they have revoked the POAs. I have a brother who will not want to take that on. They are only hurting themselves. They continually say they are never going to go into a nursing home. It pains me to call mom as I know I'll be judged. Same with dad's emails. I know when they are drinking and I know when they aren't. Mom has stopped since coming home this past March. They only stop a day or two prior to a doctor appointment. They aren't getting their alcoholism and its damage to their organs treated. I supposed there is nothing that can be done anyway. How do I detach myself with love? Am I enabling by following their demands? Whenever they go into the hospital prior to this I've always been the one to call the doctor right away and tell him/her their health history. I'm at a crossroads now. I don't think I'm going to do that anymore. Why? If they don't want to help themselves, why should I? Sorry this is so long. I appreciate any advice or stories anyone wants to share. Thank you.

Heartfelt story

Enjoyed your blog. Mom is always asking me 'whose go is it' and wants to 'quit playing', whatever that means.( There are many days when I'd like to quit playing too.) I used to try to explain things to her but now realize just go with the flow and be grateful I still have her at 93.

thank you for taking the time to put your thoughts and feelings down for us to share. It was helpful in confirming my decisions.

Probably bad decision on my part to NOT have gotten POA on finances. Spouse withdrew $2500 from our joint ckg acct, opening a new checking acct for himself, leaving a balance of under $500! I won't know whether he followed through and transferred his pension and SS over (auto deposit) until July 1. And he hasn't bothered to tell me! Luckily, I have ALERTS to inform me of transactions in the joint acct. Spouse dx'd mild dementia 1 yr ago, goes from being somewhat lucid to falling asleep almost anywhere in the house, during meals, after meals, watching TV, and does not know what day it is most of the time.

Marlis, My mom who has now passed and my mom in law both had and have Alzheimer's dementia. My experience is very similar to yours but I need to adopt your attitude. You are good at just accepting what comes and not trying to argue which is a gift. I know not to correct or argue but sometimes it is just automatic and I always instantly regret it. I need to remember to live in their world. My mom had a place on her bed for a short while, maybe 3-4 months, that no one could sit on and we couldn't place things on, after a while she told me that her brother sat there. Of course he had been gone for years. (Who am I to question that!). Best wishes to you, and God Bless your husband . I hope the visit goes well. Keep us posted.

I enjoyed your article, and your go-with-the-flow attitude. I bet the visit will be interesting.

Should be interesting to see how you handled the three drinking buddies, good luck let us know how you make out. I agree with you I don't think The extensive testing will make much of a difference as long as you have a doctor that you can go to in case things get more difficult.