in the case of postponing your own dreams to help an elder near and during end of life , id say " depressed " , is only a side effect of being " distressed " . i dont suppose thats an earthshaking observation but thats the sequence of emotional conditions as i remember them .
Medication is never the answer, except as a temporary stopgap. Finding the right counselor can certainly help, if only to have a sympathetic listening ear, but the only way to regain emotional and mental stability is to remove oneself from the center of the maelstrom. Unfortunately, that is not possible for many who are sole round-the-clock caregivers.
I'm leaving Kamp Krazy in two weeks and another brother will take over with our mother's care. That's the good news. The bad news is that this brother has been the main problem with Mom's finances (with her as eternal enabler), and now that she needs him to deal with her affairs he does not act in a timely manner. (Lapsed insurance policies, late charges, utilities cut-offs and reconnection fees, etc.)
I am putting him on notice that I will no longer take two or three months out of my life, 3000 miles away from husband and personal responsibilities, to do damage control. (She spends some time at the home of another brother, who also has been stuck with crisis remediation and has dumped far too much of his money into helping her out of her self-made financial debacles.) I'll visit Mom and take care of her immediate needs, but I am no longer dealing with the avoidable screw-ups. I know that leaves my mother in a precarious position, but maybe it will force baby bro to !@#%ing grow up and take care of business!
It's hard to let go of those self-imposed reins, but if I don't do it I'll suffer and drag the rest of my family down with me. Yesterday I had a crying breakdown over a minor incident that should not have sent me over the edge. Had to hide in the bathroom until my eyes cleared up. My opioid system is obviously not working very well...
When you are 'emotionally' tied to the person you are caring for and then 'emotionally' charged with sibling rivalries, etc. (many of which do not live near you, participate in the actual caregiving or decision making) it magnifies and compromises your emotions 10 fold. Then throw in spouses and children and friends into the mix... and, it's no wonder we get into a mental overload and then depression. The body (brain) can only process so much... and, (personally) I'm not sure counseling or medication is the answer (at least from my experience).
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Why Rejection Hurts More When You’re Depressed
I'm leaving Kamp Krazy in two weeks and another brother will take over with our mother's care. That's the good news. The bad news is that this brother has been the main problem with Mom's finances (with her as eternal enabler), and now that she needs him to deal with her affairs he does not act in a timely manner. (Lapsed insurance policies, late charges, utilities cut-offs and reconnection fees, etc.)
I am putting him on notice that I will no longer take two or three months out of my life, 3000 miles away from husband and personal responsibilities, to do damage control. (She spends some time at the home of another brother, who also has been stuck with crisis remediation and has dumped far too much of his money into helping her out of her self-made financial debacles.) I'll visit Mom and take care of her immediate needs, but I am no longer dealing with the avoidable screw-ups. I know that leaves my mother in a precarious position, but maybe it will force baby bro to !@#%ing grow up and take care of business!
It's hard to let go of those self-imposed reins, but if I don't do it I'll suffer and drag the rest of my family down with me. Yesterday I had a crying breakdown over a minor incident that should not have sent me over the edge. Had to hide in the bathroom until my eyes cleared up. My opioid system is obviously not working very well...