I'm just now seeing your comment. Please don't feel like it's your fault. My mom had hip surgery and was doing therapy, but after the therapy was complete and the ortho doctor said she was fine. She wasn't her arthritis worked up so that her knees became fused and she now has to use a wheelchair.

A lightweight transport chair to keep in the car, is essential for anyone who can't walk far or fast. It makes makes outings and getting around much easier. I would still encourage using the walker when possible (perhaps the kind with a built in seat) to avoid losing all strength in the legs.

some of the city run Senior Centers in my area, have a hairdresser that comes around for a few hours on one day a week, for men and women. She has her own work area. Our Senior Center also has shuttle buses with wheelchair lifts that will pick you up where you live, take you there and bring you back and so much more, such as doctor and shopping trips, etc. Plus it's nice to be around and socialize with other people. I would check out what they have to offer. You might be pleasantly surprised. Our state also has a ride program, but it's not as good.

Get a "transport chair," which is a lightweight, wheelchair with small wheels (not the big ones that allow the person to self-propel) designed for a companion to push the person. It folds flat to fit into a car trunk and weighs only about 15 pounds or so. My husband was disabled and gradually lost the ability to walk, and a transport chair was a godsend. I could take him to get a haircut, to restaurants, on walks around the neighborhood, etc etc etc. They're available at medical supply stores and sometimes even at Walgreens.

Wondering where are your assistive devices to bring along?
Wheelchair? Walker? Something to help him get from point A to point B?
This would help you, too!
OTH, you could get some quickie lessons, maybe from a friend or one of your local beauticians, how to do simple hair cuts for him. I've been doing my DH's hair cuts, and our kids, for over 40 years....nothing fancy, just serviceable.
As with small children, sometimes you get only part of it done at a time...that's OK. You just plan on doing part at a time, and, if the whole thing gets done at once, YAY!

There might be traveling beauticians near enough to you--check with senior services and hospice. While your DH might not yet be a hospice patient, he could still use some of the same services.
Home care workers can be marvelous help, from bathing help, to housework help. Some give you respite so you can get out and around.
Check with your closest Area Agency on Aging, to see what's available near you.
Or your nearest Senior Center.

My dad (92 yrs old) has been in this situation for about 2 years now, and the last 7 months especially bad since he broke his hip. We managed to find a hair stylist who works for one of the major chains, who is willing to cut his hair on one of her days off. She comes to his Assisted Living apt and this has worked well for him. If you can find someone who Charlie can relate to, I would suggest asking him/her about this.

There are many hairdressers that supplement their incomes by doing in-home cutting & styling. You can check with your local Council on Aging or even call the Visiting Nurses Association or Homemakers and ask them if they have a list of available hairdressers.
Many people have written here about wheelchairs, etc. and if you are not able to finance a new one, try the newspaper or Craigslist or just word-of-mouth to find a good used one.
Good luck to you!

Willows, so true. This made life much easier for us. Doctors practice was only for the homebound. Fully covered by Medicare and DHE came 1x a month. We learned about this doctor from our home nursing agency. I have also been told that local hospitals usually have a list of doctors who visit the homebound. My had bloodwork, chest X-rays, b12 and shots for her knees all done without leaving home.

Walkers: I use tennis balls in house on hard wood floors and skis for outside/rug use. I have a walker i every level of my house for my dad so there is no excuse why he should not use. My mom had LBD and Parkinsons and stopped walking within a few months. I blame myself for this because I should have tried harder to get her to use the walker. She just wanted to hold onto your arm. After many falls (but really it was just the slow folding of her legs) in the bathroom she stopped walking . This is when we received the correct diagnosis of LBD. Thresholds were her down fall. I always felt if I had pushed the use of the walker, she would have been mobile longer

Don't worry about ever taking him to the doctor again. There are countless doctors now who make "house calls," even sending in a tech to draw blood for one of those fasting blood tests. And they also prescribe needed meds, and you will never have to worry again about taking him to a doctor. A doctor will come to him. I know because my hubby is housebound with dementia, and we now have a doctor who makes house calls and has taken him on as a patient. Ah, life CAN be beautiful!

The lightweight wheelchair I bought was made by drive medical, it weights less the 20 lbs. my dads weight is 230, he holds his feet up so we don't use the legs so you don't have the weight of the footrest . All wheels are small. I really don't have to lift it, I close chair and tilt back on the back wheels then roll it into the back seat of the car. I bought this originally for my mom because I had 2 back surgeries and couldn't lift. I tried the walker with the seat for my mom but using the hands wete too confusing. However that being said if the walker with a seat works for you, use it, less equipment to carry around. Just wanted to share from my experience that the lightweight wheelchair is durable and convenient.

Marlis is always to the point and on subject. I don't know if this is a Federal Law but in NYS every business is required to be handicap acessible. Id on't think the idea of a Jazzy would work for Marlis husband as he seems to be at the stage where he would not remember where to go and don't know if Marlis would want to walk beside him. a wheelchair is heavy to get in and out of a car and I am not sure a light weight model would stand up with a man.Rollators are an excellent idea and quite light but I think the weight limit is 200lbs. They do have the seat to rest but it is not meant for transport. However I have seen caregivers drag their charges backwards sitting on the seat. The patient must still be able to hold their feet off the ground

Yes, it can be a struggle. Not sure where you are located, here they have "mobile beauty/barber vans..great business folks....they come to your home, alf etc.. and will cut, color, set your hair. Also search for doctors, therapist etc...that will come to the home it makes a huge difference if it is difficult or impossible to transfer a patient. I have found many salons even IN the ALF's will not transfer a patient I suppose for liability purposes. Good luck, god bless!

My 85 yr old dad with 2 bad knees has been using a walker and wheelchair after back surgery, he probably should have been using it before the surgery. His barber shop had steps and the shop was very small. I decided to try a Hair Cuttery (chain beauty shop). The shops are much larger and they move their chair and cut his hair in his wheelchair. We recently moved and I found another one in a mall close by. Always parking , ramps in front of store. Walk was so short that next time we are going to try without the wheelchair. We recently bought a new house and moved dad in with us. The new house has 2 stairchairs compliments of the VA Which gives dad access to 2 levels of house but not the basement. The wheelchair from surgery stay at the kitchen table. This way dad sits and using his legs to get around the kitchen. We purchased one if the lightweight wheelchairs that stays in the car. He has learned to hold onto his walker as I push wheelchair. Getting to physical therapy(to keep up his strength) was a nightmare, walking thru the halls of the hospital was impossible, now it is a breeze. You really have to think outside the box when doing anything or going anywhere to make sure it is doable and things are within his reach . Little things like toothbrush, mouthwash etc. I have put in a basket on the bathroom counter to avoid him losing his balance reaching for mouthwash each day. Although my dad is disabled he can do many things. Would like to see what other ideas people post to make life easier for the disabled .

He needs a walker (the kind with wheels) or a Jazzy. (With a Jazzy, he could 'drive' himself there.) The walkers easily fit into the trunk of a car.

I am a mother of a mentally disabled 46 yr. old daughter. My major problem is her bouts of diarrhea. Haven't made a connection with any specific foods. Any ideas?

There's a simple step before the nursing home solution. Get a good wheel chair.
I'm the cripple in our equation and a chair brings back the lost freedom.

So sad to hear of the struggle they both are going through. Hope there is help for them soon.

Just a couple thoughts from someone with two bionic hips and a fused foot plus two ~90 y.o. mothers in tow. Since this beauty shop is in a senior living community, its accessibility needs to be better not only for you but for many others with similar issues. As your husband seems to enjoy the outing, please check with the shop if there is a back entrance to the store, a supply entrance, that you could use. Encouraging Hun to use a wheelchair is a great idea but they are heck to load/unload from a car. Nowadays most grocery/general stores have wheelchairs available to use, just ask. If you haven't got one, consider having doctor order a rolling walker with a flip-down seat so he can go a little, rest a little. Much lighter to load/unload. As you are a writer and blogger, you might want to investigate the ADA, Americans with Disabilities Act, to see what your rights under this wonderful civil rights legislation may be. A couple good links are www.askjan.org and www.ada.gov He's lucky to have you.

Your title is simple and seems like you are stating the obvious.....until you live it. Then all the details, the layers, the crevices come to light. My father became disabled due to a spinal cord injury at the age of 62. Then, Nothing was Simple. Getting him ready for the many doctors appts was time intensive, costly and physically and emotionally exhausting for him. His/our whole way of functioning changed. Some things became simpler after repitition, but life as a whole did not. His heart's desire was to remain in his home as long as he could. That was our deisre too, but it was not simple or easy. Being disabled ain't for sissies.

Great article, thank you! I am the mother of a young man (26 yrs) with severe disabilities (who does not leave his bed very often at all due to severe CP and chronic pain) and I'm also the daughter of a 93 year old very feisty but frail Mom. So, in a way, I'm living your reality, but in a different way. I see many similarities between caring for our son and my Mom. Both require time to slow down. Both require life to happen in the richest way possible, in the smallest space possible. Haircuts happen at home. Family gatherings go to them. We create within the realm of what is possible on any given day. My Dad had three strokes before he passed away and it was the same with him too. I blog about care across ages and abilities on my blog, "The Caregivers' Living Room" - all are welcome who want to reflect with me on caring across these divides.

I love this post, and the title. For sometimes many strategies for helping fragile people, are similar - but the difference in raising children from helping the disabled, lies in the speed with which children imitate, catch on, respond to connections - so they may have similar fears or issues to address, but they learn more quickly, many other parents and teachers and society are also focused on learning to be good parents and teachers and the support needed for the caregiver/parents.

In contrast, helping those with disabilities often involves helping each person to cope with many challenges throughout the day, and their fears often result in times that they refuse to show up or participate, and helpers feel ambivalent about how to encourage them to not drop out, but participate at all, even at their slow pace. The caregivers strategize alone, for individuals with specific disabilities and also fears, require reassurance, attention, and skilled manipulation at times - just as parents learn to use with children (eg, they learn to ask, do you want to wear the red dress or the blue one, instead of asking the child to choose their own clothes from a full closet).

After years of working with disabled and elders, I have some input on the haircut situation: never tell and elder the night before, of any change coming in the AM. Same with disabled, often. They need their sleep, and worry over any change, so it's far better to let them sleep, and in the morning just arrive with normal routine, and also say, today is a great day, for I've set up a haircut, and you will look so up-to-date!

Have all materials laid out for them - we younger adults may enjoy taking part in choices and alternatives - elders do not, they actually are grateful for someone who lays out their choices for them, relates to their fears and adds reassurance, while working to add each step of the preparation process one piece at a time. Not so much discussion - everything does not need explanation for elders - women often explain much too much, for we are conditioned to think that conversation and sharing feelings brings closeness - I think it's more true that someone paying attention, being on your side, and encouraging you with wry confidence through the difficult activities that seniors and disabled face - with trust in them and clear and simple instructions, they will do each next step, and I do that right through the haircut or trp, and celebrate when it is done (after letting them sleep first, for being active through change is exhausting).

Nice writing, Marlis. My husband gets around quite well with a walker on wheels. He has even added a PVC pipe to one side of it, to put his cane in when he doesn't need it. Without the walker he could not walk very far at all. He has always said he does not want to ever be put in a nursing home, and I dread the thought of it more than he does, as I know it would really devastate him.