Marlis, it is hard when your husband doesn't seem satisfied, no matter what you do, isn't it? My heart goes out to you. I have experienced similar situations with my father. It did get easier when I gave up the notion that I could ever satisfy my father (there is always a new request), but truth be told....not a whole lot easier. I really like your blog, by the way, You have a gift for putting into words feelings that are inexpressible ( or unutterable) for so many of us out here. Thank you!

I know what you are gong through-- My sister has her TV messed up frequently!
Know matter how many times we tell her not to touch anything but the buttons we have put nailpolsh on the remote control -- she insists on taking the batteris out & puts them back in backwards..Some days just a simple thing as pushing the power button has her totally confused.Other days everything works. When not doing that she insists on going outside & beating up the satalit dish hich we spent $40:00 on to cover it from th snow . That has not sunk in .Iam afraid she will slip & fall & break a leg or freeze to death & no one will find her She lives by herself & her Hubby passed away 4 years ago.Thank Heavens for good neihbours But that can not continue.My sister refuses to move to the city - she lives in the country 20 minutes away. Working on getting help for her! I am Canadian & we do have a good health Care system.
For the thermostat my husband installed a programable one so we have set it for 22 celceous in the day time & 19 celceous at night.That is for the winter time.we will change it again.We Then Put A plastic Box With A Key ( made for the thermistat) & locked it.Problem solved. My sister was the opposite she would crank it up & leave it there winter & summer.Or she would play with the thermistat & then have to call a service guy to come out to fix it.Just to come out was $68:00 Plus fix it. I have power of attorney over my sister so I have her bill coming to me-- you have to send proof you have the authority .Her monthly bill is $500:00 a month ( propane) I am hoping to save her money this season! Taking care of Dementia/ Alzheimer patient is a very hard job to do, since we are not trained in that field to do so.My sister is only 70 but has been like this since about 3 years ago..There is not a lot of places for people who have this disease "Alzheimers" but a nursing home .Senior complexes are great if you can afford them & pay for PSW or RPN . The Goverment does not allow any money for that.A nursing home is different but my sister is not quite ready for that.
Another problem is if your parent or sibling wanders in the night-- they are a danger to themselves.Hope this bit of info helps .

I think your wonderful!!! your helping him in any and every way you can possibly think of. Give your self a pat on the back it is a frustrating ordeal. And your love is not going unnoticed! I am new to aging care but just reading your post and others I hope will enlighten me and give me ideas ect. take care of yourself madison63

Wow, this was an exhausting post to read! You must have been angry when you wrote it. I have experienced many of the same things with my husband but choose to make accommodation for things I can't change (like putting a lock box on the thermostat) and to stop what I am doing and help him when he needs help - which is a lot. I realize that our lives are not as I envisioned but I am still intent on making the time I have left with my husband as enjoyable for both of us as I can. I go slower with things because he is slower. I listen to him when he wants to tell a story - even if I'm hearing the same thing over and over. I sit with him when he just wants to sit on the front porch and rock in the chair. I try to take him with me when I run errands even though he talks to everybody along the way and occasionally says something inappropriate. People can tell something is not right with him and they overlook it, and it makes him happy to get out and see people. I'm not always as patient with him as I would like. But I continue to try. Life is too short to give up on them and get lost in our own self pity. It is a sad and terrible disease but they didn't choose this for themselves. Please make the best of the situation and look for a way to get a respite.

Hugs and more hugs, Marlis.

This was an article I could relate to. My husband was a college professor, a tutor of math, and we have hundreds of books on math & physics he can no longer understand or have the attention span to read any books. He has to be told multiple times how to use the microwave or the toaster, can't figure out how to get Youtube on the computer to see Mr. Bean episodes. Now wants to watch belly dancers and see sexy girls... He is still a loving husband, but not the man he was 4 years ago. I am practicing patience and fortitude, but I need to get away to see my friends and play/sing some music. He no longer wants to even hear music -- I guess it distresses him because he can no longer play with the recorder group that he founded. It is saddening for both of us to realize all his losses.

I can identify with this. My late father was also Mr. Fix-It, and all-round handyman. I knew things were not right when he stopped being able to fix things. I have often said to friends with elderly parents that they need to "pay attention" to behavioral changes that are often a more accurate harbinger of things to come than physical symptoms. This is true not just with dementia but with other chronic illnesses.

I am so sorry for this dementia stuff we are going thru. My husband is following in Charlie's footsteps. It is heartbreaking and I hang to each day, I pray it goes really slow and I get to keep my husband for 10 more years. He was diagnosed June 2013. I pray everyday for a cure. He always took care of me and our Family. Very talented and could do anything he tried to do. Writes songs, invents things, prefabs and creates three wheel motorcycles, and airboats. Such a waste of his brilliant brain. We have been married 51 years. But I will not give up. I know there has to be a cure.

Very challenging indeed. Pray for you to be bestowed with loads of PATIENCE and good health to take care of your husband

Oh, heaven, ain't it just the truth. You lose them inch by inch and bit by bit and it is the saddest thing I have ever encountered. Our Papa was the smartest guy I ever knew and a truly astute and astounding businessman. He was my go-to fellow if I had a question about work or finance. He was diagnosed with dementia April, 2004. For a long time he'd still call me at work or home or on my cell then gradually he became unable to make or take a call. He used to could and would sit in front of the tv for hours and hours watching tennis. Then he became unable to figure out the remote. He was a voracious reader - books, magazines the newspaper every day. Then he got to where he couldn't read and understand the written word. He passed away last March, 2014, at the age of 92. He had had dementia for almost 10 years. It was a blessing that God took him home but we miss him tremendously. It takes almost superhuman strength and endurance, the patience of Job and a ton of love to look out for someone with this disease. He was in assisted living then an Alzheimer's facility and, finally, a nursing home. My twin sister is disabled and lives with me and I had to work full time so I was so very thankful he could be cared for the way he was but I had to keep up with him, look out for him, be his advocate, take care of his finances and banking and spent holidays, vacation days, weekends and as often as I could, time after work with him. I was his POA and had to make all the decisions regarding his life and care. It was a learning experience no one wants to go through. I wish you and Charlie all the best. You are an incredible lady. God bless.

This was so SAD to read and HEART BREAKING! I kept waiting for the positive comments to come in the article...and they just never came. My Dad has vascular dementia and that is so heartbreaking for all of his family...but...not so for him. (I say that by his reaction to when we had to move him from his own apt to the Veteran's Home to get the care and attention that he needed.) He was perfectly fine with it! As emotional as we all were ...he just said "Good Bye!" I do believe the difference is the fact that this is her husband...NOT...her 95 year old father...

I am sorry for your pain. What a blessing you are to him during this time of frustration.

My wife is a female Charlie--could cook anything, could design and sew anything, could figure out how to take the door from the house into the garage off its hinges when she locked the door accidentally--now is in a nursing home but prior had to be told to push the two red buttons to turn the tv off, could talk on the phone but could not dial or turn off the phone, cannot operate the electric stove or cook anything. It is a scourge and would love to have the woman I married 52 years ago back as she was then but know that is not going to happen.

It's actually worse when the person w/dementia refuses to believe he has cognitive limitations and keeps insisting that, other than physical problems, he's OK. There's an LG Exalt cell phone with bigger buttons, only a basic phone that might be helpful, but now he's mislaid it (turned off so can't call it to find)..

Dementia really is cruel. When I look at the people it has taken, it makes me so angry, sad, and helpless. There is little that we can do to halt the progression.

I cherish each day that nothing horrible happens to my cousin. The sudden falls and hallucinations were frightening, but the other issues like loss of hand dexterity and bladder control creep up.

I still see the look of elation on her face when I walk through the door at the Memory Care unit, but I have to prepare myself, because I know that will eventually stop. One day she won't know who I am. Will she cease to have any joy in her life. Soon my little gifts, cards, and visits won't mean anything to her. Every time I write about it, I start weeping. I just can't understand why this has to happen to humans. Many are good people who have spent their lives helping others, being good husbands, wives, and children, fighting for their country, etc. Now they are in a place they can't get back from.

I realize there are many terrible diseases, however, the two that are IMO the most cruel are Dementia and ALS. Both are so horrific. I pray daily for a cure, treatment, something......

Alzheimer's is a form of dementia, but dementia can be caused by many different things. I think there are about 20+ forms. My mother has vascular dementia, which is caused by problems with her vascular system. In other words the blood flow doesn't get to where it needs to. She remembers a lot about long ago, but nothing stays in her memory now. She is also aware that she has this problem and it is very upsetting to her. She even panics and gets hysterical about it at times. Google dementia and read about the different kinds.

What is the difference in Alzheimers and Dementia? Mother has been diagnosed with severe Dementia. She knows who her family members are but forgets those who have passed away and she thinks they are still alive.

My 93 yr, old mother cannot learn how to answer her speaker phone. She is hard of hearing and cannot hear without the speaker but she cannot remember just one e button to push. She also, uplugs all cords around the house, including her electric blanket. I is so frustrating and she does not remember doing this.

A very good article- I can relate to this.My sister has had dementia or / Alzheimer's for three years that I have noticed Loved ones don't see it right away
looking back you realizes she has had it longer then you thought.Her Husband hid a lot of it I guess in his mind he was going to take care of her,unfortunately he passed away.We put a programmable thermistat & a case that can be locked
so that no one can change the temprature unless they have the key.Her small motor skills & short term memory are her biggest problems.My sister can still play euchre but cannot remember names of who she has talked to that day - but a week or so she can recall.She can still read ,but no longer uses her computer.Loves TV that is if she has not played with the buttons on the channel changer.We marked the buttons shecan touch --with nail polish.Works most of the time.:) Some days she can not find the power button.She is still in her home for now in which they say is good for people with dementia They do not like change.They can relate to their long term memory , but some days what is in her mind is out in left field -- a fairytale .When she is with children she acts like a child.The Caregiver has to rememberthat there is no cure for this disease & you can not do the caring alone.As Long As They Can Make Up Thier Own Mind -- you have to just be therefore them.There are Good Days & Bad Days
Get all the organizations involved that can help you. for the near future.
I have power of attorney over hear health & joint with her on her bank account.
So if something should happen I can pay her bills for her & buy things she needs
She no longer remembers she has a debit card. Or Even knows her pin number.
I know in the very near future I will have to have her placed.
Every one who has dementia acts different fron being happy to being very angry.When that happens you have to have them addmitted & assessed & placed in a caregiving facility.There is a waiting list ,so somtimes they are in thr mentsl psrt of the hospital.Hope this is helpfull to some people.

I went through all of this. What's funny is that you'll look back and see how good he was doing the times you refer to. It gets much worse.

My mother does all of those things. It is horrible. Luckily, she now lives in assisted living and has sitters around the clock. I was getting so frustrated and it kept me upset all of the time. I now go and visit her, but I can leave all of the other stuff with her caregivers. We are blessed that her house sale can fund all of this. I guess it would be different if it was my spouse versus my mother because I haven't lived with her in a million years and I know I would probably be trying to take care of a spouse myself. I hope you get some respite from this situation, because I know it can be physically and mentally exhausting. God bless you!

Marlis, what a trial you are going through. I did not realize that people who have dementia realize their limitations. No wonder they get frustrated. God bless you, Marlis, and God bless Charlie.