My Mom does lives with me and I used to find her dirty underwear in her drawers. Finally I asked her if maybe she should wear disposables and she though it was a good idea. Unfortunately sometimes she removes them to change, and I don't know where she puts the dirty ones..Oh the struggle
Dad is 89 mom is 87. It's getting to be more stress than I can bear. Dad had a stroke 5 years ago and it messed up his speech. He knows what's going on but when he speaks it sometimes doesn't make much sense, what he has is called "descriptive aphasia ". Mom is in the beginning stage of Alzheimer's. She is a minipulater that can't remember what was said 2 minutes ago. She will tell anyone who will listen that my dad doesn't know what's going on. Actually I believe she is much worse than dad. My wife and I are the only caregivers and it is getting quite hard. One thing I have noticed is if they miss a meal or haven't had enough rest, the dementia is worse in them both. Being a care giver ain't for sissys. It getting to be more than we can handle and are trying to get help in their home. My dad is ok with the idea but my mom will have none of it. I'm not sure what to do at this point, any suggestions from the veteran caregivers would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.
Oh wow, I thought Mom was the only one hanging her clothes all over the place and insisting on wearing the same dirty clothes for days. I do as you do, and run by her room a few times a day to pick up items that need to be thrown out or washed. Fortunately she is not paranoid and doesn't accuse me of stealing.
LOL.....my husband will hang a shirt on a hanger from the ceiling fan in his room. This never fails to startle me when I walk in and am confronted with this sight.
That's interesting my Mum did something of the same before she moved in with me. Her room was full of hangers that were outside of the closet. In fact everything was out of everywhere really. I have dyslexia which mimics dementia in a few ways. I realized Mum was leaving everything in view so she could keep track of it by seeing it over and over. I have a tendency to do the same - but keep it in control from time to time. Perhaps Charlie is doing it for that reason? Anyway what a lot of love you are showing through your thoughtful care.
Last year, my dad (87) was diagnosed with "mild age-related memory loss." Some of his behavior and rituals have been curious -- and I wonder if this is indeed the beginning of dementia. We see his neurologist again next week, and I have a list of topics for discussion (including his yearning to drive again).
Dad has been collecting certain items and has a methodical way of storing them. He must have 25 little flashlights by his sofa, and keeps TWO wallets (even after I pared down to one for practical use).
He will put a cereal box in his refrigerator, but let a bag of frozen food sit out until it's too warm to salvage. He has stored perishable food in his bedroom, but I relocated that accordingly. Several instances of this type of thing made it obvious that food storage and management was going to be up to me from then on.
He lays out piles of his clothes on his bed, which he hasn't slept on in over a year because he's comfortable on the sofa. I don't object to this at all, but then he complains that he gets cold, as it's a large family room.
It's challenging to be accommodating when Dad has his own ideas and resists other approaches, but I understand that he can't help it.
Or she may just really enjoys annoying you. Last week I was sitting on the edge of mom's bed while we were watching a DVD. I asked her: "Am I in your way or do you just like kicking me?" She said: "No, I just like kicking you." Maybe she has lost it and doesn't understand what she is doing. It is our responsibility to ourselves not to let it drive us insane because that may be the twisted intent. Sorry.
Learning Curve, my mother removes the clothes from the closet to hang around her room. She also puts a blanket -- a major trip risk -- on the floor of her bedroom. I put things away. She returns them. Why, I have no idea. She never has any sensible answer. It is a constant battle to try to impose any order on her room, so I gave up. One day I know she is going to trip on that blanket... or I am going to trip on it. The only way to solve the problem would be to remove all blankets from the house or to move her somewhere. Removing blankets sounds like it would be easiest, but with my mother, it is not. She would go into a raving, fang gnashing rage that would continue until a blanket is restored. Maybe these things are keeping away evil spirits in her mind -- I don't know.
JessieBelle: If your mom has trouble raising her arms (arthritic shoulders) as mine does or is in a wheelchair; she may not be able to reach. I lowered the bar in the closet which helped for awhile but mom eventually said it was still too high. Sometimes our best is never good enough and the intent is to tweak us. My mom is inherently a slob and would use whatever excuse she can find to not clean up after herself. That task is left for the servant. ;-)
You're a stronger woman than I am, Marlis. My mother hangs clothes from every conceivable place in her room. For some reason, she takes clothes out of her closet and hangs them on the drawer pulls of her chests, on the back of the door, from the door frames. They are everywhere! I put them back in the closet and they come back out. I can't put things in her chests of drawers without taking all the clothes off first. It is one thing that drives me absolutely bonkers, but I haven't been able to figure out the why of it. And she is going to do it, no matter what I say. I've learned not to pay attention to it -- better than totally losing my sanity. Maybe she's just airing them out??? I don't know, but I wish she would quit. Messy, messy, messy. And it makes cleaning her room take twice as long.
My mom does this! It is common for her to wet through the depends and through to her PJ's so she airs out the bottoms on the balcony. We have lose so many bottoms because they blown away. She has also decided that we should air out the depends and pads I put on her bed to protect her sheets from getting wet. Once they dry I find them back in a drawer. What surprised me the most as to what my mom has done, which I'm interested to know if anyone else has experienced is the packing. My mom will take a fork, pencil, pens, just about anything and wrap it up in toilet paper. Then she wraps that up over and over in paper towels. She will put this into a plastic container like you get at the store with strawberries in it, and then place all of that into a plastic bag, which the daily newspaper comes in. She use to do this all day and the items would vary from pens pencils to books, her purse (which she then swore someone broke in and stole). She was never a pack rat and loved everything clean up to the point when my father passed away and the dementia really got worst. I have taken well over 100 bags of this sort of packing out of the house, gone through all on it and tossed what was junk which was 99% of what I found. I now have a care taker with her while I'm at work so she can't pack! Has anyone else experienced this.
lpapagno: My mom cut off her depends when she soiled them so she wouldn't have to take off her pants or shoes. I had to remove all sharp implements from her apartment so she wouldn't injure herself. I was forced to move her to a residential care home shortly after. Now a kind caregiver changes them for her and I don't worry.
My Dad and mother-in-law both did a variation of this. My Dad was having some accidents that he didn't want to be acknowledged. But for both of them, it was a matter that in their "younger years" they washed their laundry out at night and hung it up to use again frequently. Or they were actually "airing" it out so as not to have an odor when things did not get washed. They didn't have much and certainly didn't have washing machines and wait a week to do laundry. They were reverting to old (necessary) habits.
My mother who has vascular dementia had cut up all her underwear because she said they were to tight on her and she put safety pins on both the sides she cut. I of course threw them all away and bought her new ones. I haven't check her drawers lately to see if she is up to her old tricks. It would be funny if it weren't real life but it is and it sucks. I hope to h*ll I don't get dementia, but if I do I won't know so I guess i won't care.
my mother was cleaning out the cat litter box with a dustpan - she took out most of the litter in one fell swoop of the pan! When I suggested that this was not the pooper-scooper she was indignant. Sshe is also legally blind from macular degeneration, but the size difference and the shape should have given it away.) I hid the dustpan and so far, so good. Good luck with the underwear.
to the contrary - you are a good wife! most people would tend to do too much for a person with dementia, taking away from them their independence and their self esteem. i commend you! i'm glad to hear that you can get a laugh out of this instead of a cry!:)))
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You Never Know What a Dementia Patient Will Do Next
Dad has been collecting certain items and has a methodical way of storing them. He must have 25 little flashlights by his sofa, and keeps TWO wallets (even after I pared down to one for practical use).
He will put a cereal box in his refrigerator, but let a bag of frozen food sit out until it's too warm to salvage. He has stored perishable food in his bedroom, but I relocated that accordingly. Several instances of this type of thing made it obvious that food storage and management was going to be up to me from then on.
He lays out piles of his clothes on his bed, which he hasn't slept on in over a year because he's comfortable on the sofa. I don't object to this at all, but then he complains that he gets cold, as it's a large family room.
It's challenging to be accommodating when Dad has his own ideas and resists other approaches, but I understand that he can't help it.
Another day of the New Normal.
Maybe she has lost it and doesn't understand what she is doing.
It is our responsibility to ourselves not to let it drive us insane because that may be the twisted intent. Sorry.