Grandmother and one of the aunts had cancer. So I am very much familiar with this issue. The best thing you can do is to treat them normally. For some cancer is the end (for grandma), but some like my aunt do survive. They feel extremely out of place due to hair loss related to chemo and weight loss related to cancer itself. You have to make them part of the family again.

Because cancer is so prevalent here and I know of many acquaintances fighting it, I bought several books on how to help or be with someone who has cancer. I never got around to even reading the books. I liked this article - simple and straight to the point. And getting first hand feedbacks from survivors. Congrats to all who fought the fight and those who walked beside them.

And don't tell us that Aunt Bea or Uncle Andy died from cancer, we don't want to hear that. Every cancer case is different.

Depending on the person who has cancer, giving them ideas that may or may not work. Like eating the seaweed, or using a certain vitamin, or sitting out the sun for a few minutes daily, or doing Yoga. But don't bug the person asking if they are trying what you had suggested.

Cancer support groups are great, I could kick myself for not going to one when I was first diagnosed, instead I waited a year later and dragged myself there thinking this isn't going to help, boy was I wrong. Sharing helps one know that what is happening is normal in this journey, got a lot of good advise :)

Excellent article and comments. I felt as if my life was ending and had no idea what to do if my husband died...I had 2 children! Even family members that were probably trying to be helpful were not. Please remember that each person is different. My best advice is to be very sensitive to the person AND their spouse/partner. Some don't appreciate advice about their condition...they get more than enough of that from their doctors. Some don't even want to talk about their condition! (And to be asked "how are you?" -even when it is meant with total sincerity- can be so cruel.) It is excruciating to try to be polite when you think you are dying! Perhaps the cancer patient (AND SIGNIFICANT OTHER) is taking life one moment at a time and they just want to live and breathe and experience as much life as they have in them. STAY POSITIVE! Take cues from the cancer patient. Love them!

I hope and pray that I can use what I learned from that experience to my new journey...that of caring for my aged parents. Dementia is evil!

Sometimes it's good to ask....would you like to talk about it? Then the person who has cancer can say yes or no. If they say no, let them know that you'll be available for them if ever they decide they want to talk about their diagnosis, etc.

As a survivor (5 years in November) of breast cancer, I can honestly say that even though it's a tough battle, going on with things trying to be as normal as possible is the greatest gift your family and friends can give you. Laughter is truly the best medicine. Having a good time with everyone, even working as much as possible, is a good way to get through it. One of my nurses during that time said that getting up in the morning, following a routine and even putting on makeup even when you don't feel like helps so much -- she was right! Taking care of yourself is sooooo important.
So in answer to the question, I would say to another person just diagnosed with cancer -- "Do the best you can each day to stay positive and keep up with a routine, and don't forget to laugh even when you don't feel like it -- it helps, believe me," ask if there is anything I can do for you". "Blessings and prayers each day".

I told my daughter in 2004 " Cancer offers you the opportunity to decide what is important" She decided shoes were important. She decided big Christmases belonged to little people. She decided not to wait for the storm to pass, She learned to dance in the rain. When the hair on the side of her head fell out, she dyed the top bright blue and spiked it. She got a golf cart and forced the police department to recognize it as her "wheelcart". She never let it take away her humor.

I was the one who wrote "Back when I had cancer, I lost most of my friends because they didn't know what to say or they were scared they would say the wrong thing. I just needed someone to talk to. I wound up calling my ex-mother-in-law because she would always make me laugh and laugh, and she enjoyed the calls, too. We became the best of friends."

My ex-mother-in-law [who is 88] and I still chat at least every other week, she feels she can tell me things she wouldn't tell her daughter. We laugh about all our aches and pains, and how we can't remember squat half the time :)

As for what to say to someone who has cancer, there was one co-worker who use to call me she would say "how are you doing?" in such a sad voice, it got to a point I dreaded her calls.

I wanted someone to say to me "Man, that sucks big time getting cancer, bet you are scared, what are we going to do about it"... at least that is real and a good opening to a dialog.

Yep, my friends disappeared because I was too tired to join them in shopping or eating out, they just got tired of me saying *no*, but I wished they would have continued to try. That was back in 2009, and I am still saying *no* because now I am too tired because of my parents :P

i think id approach it by , uh , lemmee think . no thats never worked . um -- , ya know what always works ?
SINGING TELEGRAM ..

na na na NA !!

charlie old buddy , yer lookin kinda haphazard .
look like ya been dragged , thru a knothole backwards .
i heard yer on chemo , and yer chances are nau uGHT .
so izzit yer lungs , or good old azz ro tTT ??

i like to kid around on here but honestly ive learned to be provide a little bit of comfort to distressed people . i can relate , having stared hepc and the possibility of end stage liver disease and / or liver cancer , in the face for 15 years . i just relay to the worried person that i have incredible confidence in current and future medicine and that none of us have the guarantee of another day . both are my honest feelings . fifteen yrs ago we were encouraged to have faith in hepc treatments that were in the pipeline . your thoughts are " ya but ill be long gone " . such thoughts were wrong , our disease was a rather slow one to progress and the pipeline meds have materialized .
another reason why id like to see the terminology of " hospice " changed . every time the patient hears the word theyre reminded that there is no hope left . even when there isnt , its cruel to be continually reminded of it .

That there is always hope...
I told my cousin who had a brain tumor that energy never dies... I hope someday we will see each other again... And, my father... and many others... Blessings...