Starbucks is my sane place to regain my emotional well-being after spending hours with Mom and the MIL. I enjoy the staff, the setting and watching the others come and go.

Hmmm. We don't have a Starbucks here. My getaway is the Mall's food court. I find a corner or isolated table, sit down, and just read my book. Or I stand at the railing, looking down -watching people.

Hi Anna I wanted to thank u for your hug which was in response to my story about my 95 year old dad and my perception of time well spent. Your response lifted me up and for that I thank u. Blessings to u as well!

thank you for your post, it really hit home. My escape is my work and I work with the homeless with mental disabilities so not much of an escape. After letter my moms full time sitter go and my partner taking over hoping to put back in savings and not take out for her and try and keep her on her social security budget this morning after she chewed me out, I got short with her and felt terrible. She want's constant attention something that by the end of the day I'm spent, my partner is spent and she gets ticked because I just need some quite time. Not paying for a full time sitter and pulling from savings each month this will allow us to hire a part time sitter and attend family functions again, maybe a movie or a night in a hotel.....just to feel normal again will be so nice if this works out.

Another great article. You are a great writer, and seem to articulate what I feel much better than U do. Thanks so much for sharing.

Anna, I just wanted to say that your article rang so true to me, especially the trip to Starbucks for a daily mental vacation. Caregiving is a challenge on so many levels and especially if you are doing it by yourself. You are so right in that the majority of the anxiety comes from the unpredictability of what you need to do next. It has been a seven year long ordeal, and I was taking care of both my parents up until June 2014 when my father unexpectedly passed away, but the big strain for me was trying to figure out what they wanted to eat for dinner. They prepared nothing for themselves and needed food delivery for each meal. Decisions on food would take up to 3 hours!! I thought I was unique in going to Starbucks and seeing how the saner half lived! :-) I would get a drink and then sit in my car behind the store and psych myself up like a skydiver preparing to jump out of airplane. Oddly enough, trips to Staples and looking at the latest office supplies also tamed the savage beast of anxiety that welled up inside of me. The part that you talked about watching TV shows with your Dad touched my heart as well. My father would love to watch Wheel Of Fortune and re-runs of "I Love Lucy". At the end of Wheel, he would wave back at Vanna when she signed off each night. Something was working in the old brain of his. He could still recognize a pretty woman. Continue the trips to Starbucks and just keep in mind that you need to take care of yourself, before you can take care of anybody else!

I know many who will understand the heart of this story and yet, all too many in our family caregiver world haven't come to focus on themselves sufficiently. Anna's last paragraph captures the essence of how to thrive in our role. Please share her story with others.

Thanks for your post and don't forget if you decide to go into Starbucks (instead of drive thru) you'll have a mini vacation seeing looking around at all the other people and their lives; people with kids, people networking or working on their laptops/phones, sometimes sitting among the so called bliss....is helpful too :-)

Thanks, and here I was thinking my escapes to Starbucks while caring for my parents was unusual. They saved me.