I enjoyed reading your story about your husband Charlie. He truly is an interesting man. My dear Father is with me now and he always enjoyed reminiscing, telling a great story. We would laugh, shed a few tears, however Dad was unable to stop the emotions. I would change the subject, it was painful to see Dad cry so hard over his Grandpa. Especially since my Dad was such a proud man and I never really saw him cry. Just the mention of his Grandpa who had 12 children and helped raise my Dad would bring tears. Dad is now on medication and I see such a difference in him. He rarely brings up the past and has not been repeating the same story. He seems to be living more in the present these days. Tomorrow morning we will be moving him to a facility very close to us in our town. I will be able to stop in anytime for a visit. I hope this move will not affect him in a negative way. The Nurse's and RA's where he has been the past 6 weeks, say they will greatly miss my Dad that he is very kind and easy to care for. This is so unlike my Dad he's the guy who is a jokester, opinionated, negative..and see's the glass half full. Is this part of the stages of dementia. My mother and I attended an Alzheimer workshop that compared the stages to Gems. It was a wonderful chart that was so helpful. I somehow misplaced my copy. Would love your opinion on this, thank you for sharing. I have learned so much from your posts.

Yes, they did, but it was documented as unsubstantiated, case closed. We only found out there was a report because of the legal battle we"re going through over who should be guardian. No one from APS asked any neighbors or any family members questions. This site has been great, at least I know I'm not crazy and not alone. I should have listened to a friend when this all started happening, she said keep a daily journal, I didn't. So thats my advice to anyone going through this, document everything, meds, drs. appts., conversations, visits, everything!!!

Oh, no, SueZQ. Did your uncles and other person notify the authorities about the things being said? This is always a worry when it comes to dementia. What a mess it can be.

Thanks, needed to read this right now. I wish my uncles and a well meaning friend of my mothers could understand this. they have wreaked havoc on my life this pst year because of the stories my mom is telling them about me. I know they're not true and can actually relate some of the stories to events in her life or conversations she's had with someone else, but they believe every word as the gospel and think I'm out to get her! So I'm now forced to take legal action which has cost a fortune and we"re getting know where.

My Mom comes up with the most fantastic things because of her dementia. Like, my sister-in-law is having twins (not so), Mom is getting married cause she is pregnant (she is 83), the Chinese upstairs are stealing her clothes (no upstairs and no Chinese), the cute male CNA is her new husband, my Dad is alive and comes to see her, my stepfather is having an affair with the woman across the hall (he is also deceased) and so it goes. We have learned to just play along because she is at least talking and communicating and if we laugh, she thinks she told a funny story and laughs too! She was always humorous and could make us kids laugh and she just keeps on making us laugh in her own funny way!

"Love is not love that alters when it alteration finds."

Hard to live up to - but oh, so necessary.

Since I found this incredible site several weeks ago I have been reading every post I can and crying all the time. I realize I am not alone! A year and a half ago we brought Mom and Dad into our home to live with us. i had no idea what was ahead. We recognized they were in the early stages of dementia, but really never anticipated what that meant. Mom is confused and repeats questions frequently. She confuses reality with the way she would like things to be. Dad, however, is angry and belligerent. He decides something is fact and demands that we believe him. This is new behavior and is very hard to handle. I have finally got a great caregiver to help me so I can actually go to work part of the time and now he is reacting in anger to her. I so appreciate reading what others have faced and solutions you have found. I can't tell you what a lifeline this is!

Truth. My dad decided he was in a religious retreat house just hanging out til Mom and I could join him. Sitting in a comfy chair reading the Bible seemed like a pretty good deal, actually! My mom though - well she could dream stuff and think it was real, and it was mostly nightmarish there. Wish I knew what to do, what to say - you can't usually convince people it isn't so, sometimes you can reassure some other way and work around it.

I think it is right on. We have a similar experience at our home. I like the response of "one gentleman" who said "They're good stories anyway".

"Dementia Patients Often Confuse the Facts"

If they didn't, they wouldn't be demented.

The example of accusing others of stealing from them is more akin to late paraphrenia, that has elements of schizoid paranoia. All require a lot of education and understanding, and compassion, to help the patient so afflicted.

You give good advice.

yes, it if very hard, I have a sister who is a problem and do not talk to anymore. I have had to tell my nieces to remind her that whatever mom says is probably false, especially the stories how someone is stealing her stuff, coming in her room at all hrs of the day. my sister, who has always been gullible, believes all this, but will not take the 2+ hr drive to see her.

Your comments are spot on target. My husband was always a good story teller even before he had dementia. The stories are just more elaborate now and definitely not truthful. we can be watching golf on TV and he thinks he has to go to the golf course for the trophy presentation. He was in sales and marketing and this is a throwback to his working days. Sometimes it is even difficult for me to figure out where the story is coming from.

Very good article. Thank you. my folks both are bothered with dementia, thought not of the same type. I am fortunate to have a sister, brother and other family that help out and understand most of the situation. We are able to let them stay in their own home, at least for now. I read these articles and blogs and am encouraged by them. And I pray for Gods' guidance for those of you who do not have supportive, helpful family! It is scary to think I may be as confused as either one of my folks some day!! Again, thank you all!

My Dad has started doing this. He often takes stories from my mother's history and repeats them as if it happened to him. My mother is always trying to correct him and then they both get an in an argument. I keep reminding my mother that's it's not really important to keep correcting him, especially when the majority of the time he's repeating stories to grandkids we've heard a million times before and everyone knows what's going on. It's more important to let him have the enjoyment of telling a good story, and getting the chuckle and smiles he's looking for. It's harder for the spouse, I think, then the kids dealing with this issue, especially when they've been married for 60 years plus like my folks.

My grandma confuses myself and her own daughter when she tells stories, and I correct her saying, that was Michelle, not me. I'm the favorite remember? And we laugh.

Interesting article. I've noticed my mother watches the news and that ends up blown out of proportion. She'll hear about an earthquake in California and think this is just the start of some huge global catastrophe or she'll hear a story about flooding and think our basement got flooded.
I can ignore those, but I have the hardest time when she makes personal accusations. One time we had an argument at a rest stop and she threatened to go out on the highway and walk a couple hundred miles back home. As she turned to walk away I reached out and grabbed her arm to stop her and say I'd drive her back if she wanted. Later it got blown up into me "beating the s***" out of her in front of the entire rest stop. She said everybody was staring in horror at how I was beating my helpless mother.
What do you do with that? She still brings it up years later. And as a result I'm almost afraid to show any emotion around her because of how it'll be construed.

Being somewhat new to the field I appreciate this insight! I myself used to get confused as to what to believe or how to respond to the elderly people I engage with. Now I know to go along with the story and appreciate it when the story is a positive one that brings them happiness.

My mother tells people she was born in Cuba and 'taken' by her aunt to America. She was born in Minnesota and has never been to Cuba. She INSISTS she was kidnapped and is angry with me for perpetuating a 'lie' about her. She also believes that my sister is now living in Cuba with my nephew. I have no idea where all this comes from. She doesn't read about Cuba and it isn't on the news, so she must have dreamed it all.

Unfortunately she also tells stories about me that are fabrications. There are mythical 'women' who are stealing from her. I talk to these women all the time. I don't let her talk to her son. I am hiding letters from her friends and her son that are addressed to her. The caregivers that come in to help frequently believe all these stories and I have to go through a whole conversation with them. Sometimes they believe Mom and not me! It is very scary, as APS took Mom from my brother's care and made me her guardian. But APS is still very much involved and could remove her if they heard anything negative about me. I try to get Mom to 'remember' the truth, but she just thinks I'm lying to her and gets very upset.

When someone is diagnosed with dementia it is as if they are trapped in a dream. I wish other people would understand and not make it harder for us.

My husband and I take care of his 91 year old mother and have changed our lives to moved 1300 miles to take care of her. This was an entire family decision. Her 71 year old daughter living 3 blocks away did not want to physically take charge of her. Mom accuses us of throwing loud parties in the middle of the night; my husband being drunk all the time and running around with the elderly women in her condo area and of how I don't feed her. We can understand the dementia and it is difficult to not take it personally. The saddest part is his sister that is a few blocks away has full POA, on all her accounts and is in denial about the dementia. She has refused to let us attend doctors appointments and tells the family members of these wild events as fact. She works one day a week in the psych ward as a nurse (I call her a pill administer as she has never worked in any other area of the hospital). As a nurse, she is very ignorant in the medical field. My husband and I do not want her to go to a home. I even keep a calendar of events (meals, snacks and fluids taken; temp and blood pressure and meds taken; showers; visitors, etc) for the sister to view. I do all the housework and have a chore list as well. I also keep track of stories, outbursts and accusations. As you stated, they are all true in her mind! It is futile to try to bring her into reality. His sister, the nurse, has removed my husband from the will, has changed all his mothers mail to be delivered to her, and comes over every day to check on me. She even tells me how to make the bed and hand feeds her mother her cooking which is very unhealthy. We have discussed leaving, but my husband loves his mother and doesn't care about her will. We pay all utilities and food. I was using his mothers old car to go to the store, but his sister changed it to her daughters name and gave it to her. Now is walk to the store in the Kansas heat and humidity.

Just make sure you keep your own sanity and reality when wild stories are flying. His other sisters living in other parts of the USA have stopped asking us questions on our wild parties. It has put a strain on our marriage. This is a 24 hour 7 day a week job. My husband and I rarely get a date night. We tried to get his sister to give us a half a day twice a week off, but it only lasted one week. She then said she is just too busy, but does come over everyday! Sometimes I ask how long will she be here when visiting thinking we could go to lunch or for a walk, but she says she is leaving shortly.

My heart goes out to all those who keep their sanity and light hearts! Thank you for all that share as it does remind me of sadly and common this is. We want what is best for our parents and know in our hearts our tears will be changed to joy in heaven!

I read this and it really makes me miss my mom. She is still here with us put she no longer talks. She will sit at the table and eat her meal without ever saying a word. On the rare times thar she does speak she is usually stuck in a "loop" as we call it, she will repeat the same phrase over and over. These repetitions give me an idea of what she is thinking about and it has always been good times in her past. Her favorite " loop" is the one when she shares what she believes her mil and Fil thought about her and Dad getting married, "she is a city girl and he is a country boy" their marriage won't last. Mom and Dad's marriage lasted 44 years until Dad died. Now mom asks me to "call your father sometime". Mom turns 85 today and we are taking her out for dinner, we will all have a good time just being together!

Your approach is kind and wise.

It really bothers me when someone posts about their loved one "lying." There is a huge difference between knowingly being deceitful and being confused about the truth.

My mother is a master confabulator. She can take a grain of truth and spin a tall tale around it. Then she normally forgets what is true, so her new version becomes fact. Now that she is declining more she is forgetting her new versions. She is replacing them with simplified versions that are still untrue. I rarely correct her unless it is important. I never correct her around other people, because it would embarrass her. I can talk to them later if it is important enough.

Marlis, good article. Like you, I try to let go the little things that aren't true. And yes, I try to be careful about what we watch on television as that can bring out anger. I also think it's better to let some things slide and not disagree (if it's harmless). Thanks for sharing. We're all in this together and together is a good place to be.