Hi Carol,
I'm enlightened to finally read something on the topic of Men and Women living together / separately in a Nursing Home! I agree with many of your viewpoints. However, it is very difficult to see my husband walking and holding hands with another woman! Yes, I understand that he has dementia! (More reason(s) to separate men from women at this stage in life?) It seems that with the progression of dementia, he has become more child-like. However, he is also an adult male who knows all the facts of life. That is a scary combination!!

When my father was initially placed, there was a female resident there, who's own dementia caused her to act out sexually. She was all over my Dad, and in his dementia, he decided she must be his wife and he was very polite and caring towards her, but it was all devastating when my Mom visited and had to witness this between the two of them. It was not either of their faults but it caused her to be hysterical. Eventually he moved to another facility and even though he is with women, this situation never showed up. Perhaps this female resident should have been in an all female setting? There ARE a couple women in my dad's facility now that are afraid of a couple of the male residents because they have some sexual actions they put out. I can see the concern from residents on either side, when there are 14 living together and only 2 staff on duty to see what is happening. So I believe we should have living arrangements that are for both....same sex and mixed both need to be available.

I should add that with my Mother's dementia, she has some paranoia, so often thinks people are looking at her or following her, so if she lived with men, I would hate to think what she may imagine. I hardly know what is real now, that would be a terrible dilemma.

I visited a couple of Veteran homes in my state and was impressed with their staff. Most of the people admitted were indeed male but a few females who were vets or married to veterans did live in these homes.

Most nursing homes are overwhelming female. My father was a widower since age 55 years and while he liked women and loved his late wife, he did not want to even attend senior citizen functions in our town because there were too many women there. Most widows to be sure but he told me that he felt he was "on display" as the only senior above the age of 85 with his wits intact.

He noticed younger men (ages 65-75 years) in the group but they did not want to socialize with an elderly man above the age of 75, he thought he was a reminder to these men of their futures --if they were lucky enough to live to 85 or 90 years old.

My father would have preferred being in a home with more elderly men to chat with. However, he was lucky enough to be able to stay in his home his entire life with family and home health aides.

Many older male widowers do not wish to live out their last days surrounded by women. They have lost lots of male friends by that stage, they need male company ( talk sports, politics etc). I don't think they need to be gay to not wish to live mostly women.

My mom is in a mixed gender ALC -- and she is terrified of the man next door, who is even more disabled than she and unable to even pick up a Kleenex, much less bust her door down and rape her. She also claims a male med-aide groped her ... and perhaps he did. I wish we could find an all-women facility for her.

I think a choice is best. For my mother, who had been a widow and lived alone for 30 years, she is not comfortable living in a home with a man. For others, as in the article, it may a positive things to have mixed genders.