What can you do? Not much, really, because they are still their own person and will do whatever they want, anyway. Fighting with them really does no good; and really, who are we to think we know best in their situation. If he is using his walker, great. That is something we have had to impress on my mother for the past five years, and she is now actually doing it most of the time. The times she doesn't, she falls. She is a very proud person, and appearances mean so much to her that she would rather risk her health than look "different" from anyone else. I have made my peace with the fact that she will never take any advice or help from me because I am her child and the only one of her children able to take care of her. I would rather make my time with her as pleasant as possible than tell her what I think she should be doing. For example, I suggested physical therapy might help with her balance problem, but she said no. Then a physical therapist at her AL suggested the same thing after she had two falls in two weeks, and she accepted it. Although physical therapy has not helped her (she still has fallen), but she is proud that she is trying. Sometimes, it may seem like we are just spinning our wheels, and we may be, but all we can do is try. But if we keep trying the same thing with the same results, though, then we are not doing anyone any good. We may become bald from tearing our hair out, so take care of yourself because without our own health, we cannot help our loved ones. It is a good lesson for us care givers, watching our parents or loved ones age, and realize that aging for children means getting better, but for old people, it does not. Sometimes we just have to accept and adapt as best we can. I can only hope that I do not give my children the same heartaches when I get to "that age", so I am taking notes now (watching my mother) on how "not to behave" when they try to help me. Ha! Good luck to you all.

As a caregiver and a retired special education teacher, I have studied brain research for years. My PT and I realized after a while that my M-I-L's legs were strong but there was a disconnect between her mental processing and walking. The PT does not help with this. In aging the brain loses lots of "connections" associated with movement and balance. Exercising requires lots of brain functioning in these areas of the brain sometimes making exercise difficult but mostly lacking in reconnecting the action with the mental processes that create the action. I have used behavioral cues to help my MIL step or use her right foot when walking instead of dragging. We have had brain scans to assure there has not been a stroke. When walking with walker, I model lifting and kicking out my one foot. I say "toe up, kick out." We do this as our exercise. I give lots of "wait time" for the brain to process what is required. Sometimes I tap her knee or toe to give her not only the visual and the auditory cue but a "touch" cue. You have to keep it simple, use the same modeling - visual, touch, verbal. It has taken several months but now as I walk behind her, I can say "toe up" and she is able to complete the step. She is even walking normally (not dragging the foot) several steps with no cues. Understanding brain processes under the circumstances, is the key. These processes are lost because of dying brain cells. Many times lack of ability is not due to any physical loss that you can see, but the physical loss is brain cells and connectivity which cannot be seen. Be kind, respect how they want to spend their time, and put supports in place that show them you are listening to their wants and needs - don't dismiss that.

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I really dont know what to say on this as ive tried everything with mum but its useless i think shes just never been one for walking or exercise her entire life which has her so ill today! Ive had OT and nurses here gave her simple things to do sitting down but no its not easy my last hope is daycare? hopefully she will go and then join in? mums not over weight OR lazy she just never did this before so i really cant see her doing it now even a walk with me to the end of the road NO she says maybe tomorrow? Have tried scare tactics that she may lose her leg mobilty and end up in a wheelchair OR fall, Nothing works!

Maybe try to bribe him? If he likes cookies give him one after he does one full exercise video. If he likes movies take him to watch one after a week of doing exercises daily. It takes three weeks to learn a new habit. For those three weeks you will need lots of motivators. Pot roast? A roast beef sandwich? Whatever would be better than being sedentary. Good luck.

While helpful all of the above comments, how do you get the person to exercise at all? My dad has done nothing for years and he won't do the pt exercises or even walk. I tell him we will be pushing you in a wheelchair soon if you don't start moving, but he still does nothing. He wants to go back to living by himself but he does nothing in the way of taking care of himself.

Many of the "Sit and Be Fit" videos are available for free on YouTube. The developer of the exercises is a nurse. Everyone can do these exercises at home. Exercise is not only good for the body but also for the brain. However, exercising at home alone takes discipline. Strength training classes also help because they're an opportunity to socialize. I've never met anybody who feels worse for having gone to an exercise class. Falling can be a symptom of many things and, along with the alcohol consumption, should be addressed by a physician. There are many communities where geriatric nurse practitioners will do house calls. And some night lights may help him get around better at night.

Let's think of ourselves and exercise. How many of us are doing a regular routine like we did in the past?

I use to be a gym rat [worked out at the gym a lot] but once I had to start helping my parents with driving them everywhere, I had to let my gym membership run out. I didn't have the time anymore to go. That was 5 years ago and I am pushing 70 years old, and I am too emotionally drained to even think about any type of workout, and I feel the difference big time. Worrying about my parents IS my exercise :(

My dad's not a bookish. He was always outside as much as he can. Yet, once he became bedridden, he didn't want to do any exercise. Yet, he was so surprise when he tried to stand, and his legs dangled crookedly. He was shocked. When I told him that's what the exercises were for, he still denied it.

I think its a great article and great advice thanks

Marlis, my Mom has that same problem with my Dad [92], she cannot get him to exercise like the doctor and physical therapist had recommended. I think it is just his personality, he's a book worm, former electrical engineer, thus working out would be just too boring for him.

My Mom [96] on the other hand, still does the things the physical therapist had recommended years ago. Thirty years ago, one doctor had told Mom that she and Dad need to walk 2 miles a day. Sure enough, until the past few years, they would get in their 2 miles, even if they had to drive to the mall and walk inside. They do get some light exercise doing simple yardwork, mainly raking and bagging leaves :)

Onlyoneholly: I recommend placing gym mats on the floor by your mom's bed to cushion her falls. Check with a local medical supply company for purchasing these. Regarding her bed, find someone who can come in and lower her bed by altering the height of her bed. This might mean buying her a lower height mattress as well. Find a good home Health Care agency in the area and set up physical and occupational therapy services for your mom. She may work with those therapists more than she will with her own caregivers. A physical therapist can work with her on using her walker, and her doctor can reinforce her need to use a walker in an office visit with her. When taking care of a dementia patient you have to be creative. Where there's a will there's a way. Best of luck to you and your mother.

Marlis: Has Charlie been diagnosed with dementia? If not, take him to his PCP at the VA and get him a referral to one of their neuroligists. With all his falls it sounds like he has Lewy Body Dementia. You can research this form of dementia on www.lbda.org. His alcohol consumption might be a big part of the problem and is a dangerous habit for anyone with dementia. I suggest you water down his alcohol, meaning, mix his alcohol with equal amounts of water. Home Health Care can help with getting him to exercise. They can send a physical therapist out at least twice a week to get him walking and doing other exercises. I found it best with my husband to have a male physical therapist work with him. The VA has Home Health Care services. Regarding him falling in the middle of the night, check with a medical supply store about purchasing mats to put on the floor beside his bed to help cushion his falls. Nursing homes use these all the time. Check to see if the VA will pay for these for Charlie. Best of luck to you both.

Marlis, I sympathize with you as you struggle with your "can't win" situation, especially if his dementia is progressive and you can only have a slight effect on it anyway. Maybe there's some activity he would enjoy doing with you that you can call something else even though you know it's really "exercise" too. Did you two dance together or can you just go for a "fun walk" or to "birdwatch" or to "walk the dog?" I would be concerned about your and his emotional wellbeing if you opt for the daily fight and it's not likely to help your relationship either. I experienced a lot of this taking care of my wife. But, I also came to realize she was never trying to be resistant. She was depressed or anxious about doing something wrong or falling or risking my disapproval. I'll share this from Caregiver Carols: a Musical, Emotional Memoir:

“COFFEE AND A PEACE OF I, PLEASE”
Verses:
Why do you resist me when I steer you when you walk?
Why do you insist on mumbling every time you talk?
You bellyache if I just give a little sigh or frown
When you make me get back up as soon as I’ve sat down.
Chorus:
I’d rather trip and split my lip and have my trousers tear in two,
Than have a brawl and daily squall, trying to take care of you.
Verses:
Why do you resist me when I wipe food from your face?
Why do you insist on grumbling, get down on my case?
You sneer and snipe if I just say a silly, small complaint
When you gripe on ‘bout all I’ve done and everything I ain’t.
Chorus:
I’d rather stay up Arctic way, herding herds of caribou,
Than have a fray most every day, trying to take care of you.
Verses:
Why do you resist me when I give your neck some rest?
Why do you insist on bending chin down onto chest?
You go on accusing that I “only want to boss you”
When you are refusing to stay still so I can floss you.
Chorus:
I’d rather crawl around a mall, with senior gals whose hair is blue,
Then have a nasty fight each night, trying to take care of you.
Verses:
Why do you resist me when I lift your arm to dress you?
Why do you insist I’m “never wrong” just to impress you?
You seem to take delight in noting each of my mistakes,
When you could make it right by helping, that is all it takes.
Chorus:
I’d rather snare a grizzly bear: that’s dumb and pretty scary, too,
Then wage a war and rant and roar, trying to take care of you.

I am having similar issues w/ my mother and would like to be on this comment string. My mother lives in an apartment and has caregivers for a little while during the day. Assisted Living facility is out of the price-range. The caregivers are willing to help my mother take walks or help with indoor exercise, but my mother is not very interested. She insists that she "is busy and walking around all day" but on my last visit I see this is only her perception -- she spends more time in bed or in her tv chair these days. She does have a cane and a walker. She uses the cane occasionally and the walker almost never (observed by those of us who visit with her).

Because she has shrunk in height, the bed she's had for decades is now really too tall for her but she will not give it up. The bed height is already on it's lowest setting. I have seen a step w/ a grip-handle at a medical supply store and have been trying to convince her this is worth a try. Many of the falls have been at the bed, especially when she gets up during the night for bathroom breaks. She has Life-Alert and they can help with falls. I get the primary call update from Life Alert and this is one way I can keep track of frequency of falls.

Back to the topic of the exercise. It's recommended for her but she often begs off with excuses. Can anyone suggest an enticement in the home setting? Senior centers are not possible due to her anxiety issues. Thank you.