Wonderful. Thank you for sharing.

What a beautiful and insightful caring person you are. I too have never felt closer to my Mom with dementia. She is almost 90 and not doing well but I appreciate her more than ever. Any hurts or complaints dealing with Mom growing up have all disappeared.

This was awesome, thanks for sharing. It's a reminder I'm sure we all need since the duties can get overwhelming and consequently are forefront in our minds. Thank you!!

Thanks for this article. Thanks to the support and advice I've gotten on this site, I am finally getting to the place to appreciate the little things with my mom, as you do. This is a wonderful community.

Today, the Doc told my husband he should,t be driving. He didn,t like it but he ac epted it. A challenge I had been working on for a while. It is so good to hear feedback from others e,periencing similar issues.i

Thank you for the positive thoughts! I am facing putting my mother in a nursing home - against her wishes - and I am treasuring every day we spend together. We have been going through pictures (boxes of them) and sorting them out for who they should go to. She has enjoyed this immensely and I have relished the trip down memory lane. These are the times I will always remember. Thank you for thinking like me!

You are always a bright spot on otherwise dull days Marlis. Always look forward to hearing the details of your journey with Charlie

This article is very helpful to those of us just beginning the journey or actually just realizing that we have become a caregiver to our spouse , parent or sibling.

Marlis, what an inspiration you are!

I can feel the same at times. Once in a while I need to take an anxiety pills so that I don't loose my cool. And, as it was said, things that were usually done by my husband has now fallen upon my shoulders. Thanks for letting me unload.

Marlis thank you for reminding us all once again about this thing we call life. There are going to be good times and bad times but we must remember we CAN persevere through love and patience. Sometimes our cups overflow but we must find a way to rejuvenate not only for our sakes but for our loved ones as well. Thank Marlis for so clearly reminding us of the path we must follow even if we stray at times. So heartwArming that it truly made my day!
Pattianni , you are not alone! My dad just argued with me regarding a situation which could be interpreted as just mean and he does not have dementia. I realize that I love my dad and because of this love I need to pull away for a moment then reevaluate with different eyes and a loving heart. No matter how much I love him I am not experiencing the fears of loss of independence, extreme physical limitations , etc. I know this is the hardest situation I will ever be faced with but I am determined to ride the roller coaster because he deserves my love and determination. Even when it's soo hard, so dear pull away when you have to but return with love in your heart and it definitely will carry you through. Hugs and blessings to you both.

Marlis, I never read your blogs as complaints. I read them and see the big love you and Charlie share. You see lightness in things that weigh heavy on other people. Charlie picked the right wife. I wish he could still be the old healthy Charlie, but know that isn't going to happen. He seems content enough. I guess that is the most we can ask for when it comes to dementia.

But still wouldn't it be nice to have someone to take the garbage out? Big hugs. :)

Dear Marlis: God bless you for writing and sharing this article. I want to tell you that it's o.k. to vent. You have a host of people on this site that know what you are going through. We have either been there, or are there now. I'm so glad that you did write about the good things, and am glad you can continue to enjoy all the blessings you still have with Charlie. You are truly his "angel". When all is said and done I'm sure you'll have no regrets and know that you did the best you possibly could to be a loving caregiver. You deserve to grumble sometimes and please don't forget to do something nice for yourself once in a while. You have to continue to recharge your own "batteries" in order to care for him so that you won't get sick or run down. God bless you and Charlie -- he's lucky to have you.

I think you're wonderful, Marlis! Keep up the good work. You're reminding me to enjoy the things my mom can do, even though she is not motivated, happy or grateful. She still has a lot of great qualities that I appreciate. I'm glad to be caring for her even though she argues with everything that I suggest.

Absolutely beautiful. Blessings to you and Charles.

What a beautiful testimony. It should run on the op-ed page of every major newspaper in the nation! I feel very much as you do about caring for my once very talented husband, who turned our very ordinary house years ago into a Victorian painted lady, most of it with his own bare hands. He had very gifted hands and an ability to design, build, repair, just about anything except fix cars. Now he fumbles and can no longer do what he used to do, but deep inside he wants to, and it makes me so sad.

Thank you, Marlis!
Your Charlie is like my Everett. Such good men just with something called dementia. We're going on 18 years of a second marriage for both. He was a good caregiver to his wife who had a brain tumor and passed before we met. I was a divorcee. trying to start a new life with two older children. We worked together side by side for years and looked forward to my retirement as he was already retired, but working. I retired in July and his stroke was in August. We were not at all prepared.
We've had lots of ups and lots of downs, but I was given this second chance and I'm here to go this with honor and dignity and to make his life the best it can be for the remaining years we have.
My point was to say that I KNOW that I cannot do it all by myself. I KNOW that I do not want to be a complainer and always remembering the negative. I WANT to enjoy our life together until I am one again. I do see how this is a preparation for that time. Everett has always helped this "City Girl" become a "Purdy Gal". He has done a mighty fine job and he is just doing, but in a different way.
Now, I must rely on other sources and tadah . . . HERE I AM . . . I have been blessed to find this website and all the wonderful people who share from the bottom of their hearts the agony and sadness that can sometimes consume us. I am very grateful for you all and want to be apart of this ministry.
I KNOW I need help, but I also want to be of help. I'm not proficient at this and ask for your forgiveness if I really mess up ( I do periodically to humble me) but I want to make this MY CAUSE . . for Lettyjane. Thanks for listening. I now have to dry my eyes and get back to caregiving.

This was very inspiring and heartening. A good reminder to always try to "accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative". I've also found that many of the same tenets of 12 step programs also to be helpful in my Adventures in Caregiving. Yours are excellent. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you for your blog. Your husband reminds me of my father who loved to read and was in search of ways to roll back the effects of old age (he died at 93 yrs old). It is nice that you have the time to share and believe me you are in training for living alone which is something very difficult to get used to. I am starting my 3rd year of living alone and being an active reader helps me as well.
Be prepared for a big let down when your husband does pass and all the things you "had to do" as part of caregiving disappears. The blessing there is it gives you time to catch up on the many hours of sleep you missed getting up all hours of the night caring for the loved one. Seize the time for rest, when it comes. It helps you deal with the profound sense of loss when all is done.

Thanks again for your posts.

Marlins it's always to enjoyable reading your blog! Complaints and all! Hugs to you and Charlie...

Thank you, Marlis, for bringing to the forefront so many issues in being a caregiver for a loved one. Being able to vent is such a necessity for caregivers, and you speak with eloquence about the rough times, but remind us of the good times too.

God bless you and thank you for your inspiration!

What a good thing it is to have gratitude and look for those things I life. This was a good reminder to all of us I'm sure. Sometimes it's so easy to focus on the hardships in care giving.