Well, I tried it today. My uncle is in hospital. He is a widower of 88. He's had three or four falls lately, no bones broken but more by luck than judgment. The last fall, though, cut him up quite badly so he was admitted, then he got pneumonia, then they weren't happy with some of his blood tests so there's been a colonoscopy and prostate exam… He's likely to be kept for a while until they get him sorted, then rehab, then a care home (he currently lives alone in a nice modern apartment).
Now then. His nearest family are my cousin and her husband. She is a full-time teacher, he is a farmer. This is their busiest time of year, and on top of that their adult son has a leg in plaster from a motorbike accident, so he can't help out.
So: "be specific!" I thought. I emailed and offered, with their and my uncle's permission of course, to liaise with his doctors, take notes and keep the family up to date about what is going on with his treatment. I'm at home all day and have time to wait for calls and track people down, whereas they're up to their eyeballs in work, and when they visit in the evening the hospital is deserted and there is nobody there to ask for information.
No reply. I'm hoping they're just too busy to check their email; but have I stepped out of line? Would anyone be offended or think it weird if a family member offered to help in this way?
VERY well-said! So often, when one needs help, it's at a time when life seems to be falling apart, leaving the ones needing help, at a loss to focus enough to say what they need someone to help them with. Those who offer specific help, are more helpful just by being specific, than someone generically saying "let me know if you need help". A compassionate ear/shoulder is also help---if someone can only offer to be a good listener, that can also be help.
This is excellent advice. I never know what to say when someone says "Just let me know if you need any help." I usually just take it as a politeness and not an offer of help. I'm going to have to learn how to tap in to the help that friends offer as my mother gets worse. Just having someone come in so I can go shopping will be so important.
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Always Remember this One Rule When Asking for (and Offering) Help
Well, I tried it today. My uncle is in hospital. He is a widower of 88. He's had three or four falls lately, no bones broken but more by luck than judgment. The last fall, though, cut him up quite badly so he was admitted, then he got pneumonia, then they weren't happy with some of his blood tests so there's been a colonoscopy and prostate exam… He's likely to be kept for a while until they get him sorted, then rehab, then a care home (he currently lives alone in a nice modern apartment).
Now then. His nearest family are my cousin and her husband. She is a full-time teacher, he is a farmer. This is their busiest time of year, and on top of that their adult son has a leg in plaster from a motorbike accident, so he can't help out.
So: "be specific!" I thought. I emailed and offered, with their and my uncle's permission of course, to liaise with his doctors, take notes and keep the family up to date about what is going on with his treatment. I'm at home all day and have time to wait for calls and track people down, whereas they're up to their eyeballs in work, and when they visit in the evening the hospital is deserted and there is nobody there to ask for information.
No reply. I'm hoping they're just too busy to check their email; but have I stepped out of line? Would anyone be offended or think it weird if a family member offered to help in this way?
So often, when one needs help, it's at a time when life seems to be falling apart, leaving the ones needing help, at a loss to focus enough to say what they need someone to help them with.
Those who offer specific help, are more helpful just by being specific, than someone generically saying "let me know if you need help".
A compassionate ear/shoulder is also help---if someone can only offer to be a good listener, that can also be help.