I am so encouraged by what is written here. My three bros are all different in there ideas. One who lives in my moms house with me is a bully and a spend thrift. He needs to be constantly reminded moms choices are the deal. Example he bought oxicodene and knows it makes her loopy as well as docs took her off but gave a prescription for just in case. I am a three time cancer surviver and I know you have to watch the medical care like a hawk. He does not follow through on anything. I have to work 2 days a week and its nerve racking to think he will be in the drivers seat. My mom fell when I was out and he was home but not aware. I am not blaming him but I am freaked out about his lack of discernment.

I needed to read this article right now. My mother 85 is in her early stages of dementia hospitalized over the last 2 months with recurring UTI and 2 weeks ago after being home for a week from her last hospital stay fell at 5am and broke 3 ribs. The caregiving has increase 10 fold around the clock care. I am the only one of 4 children who is taking care of her. I called my sister who has been estranged from the family for over 27 years to come try to see mom. She did and then we didn't hear from her for two days. Suddenly a knock on the front door was a lady from the state of Louisiana elderly protective custody investigating a claim of neglecting and abuse. I was accused of bruising my mothers stomach and breaking her ribs. The bruising was where the hospital gave her shots to prevent blood clots while in the hospital And the broken ribs happened while I was asleep at 5am I had just checked my mother at 3am. Now, I never want to see my sister again ever. She also claimed I didn't have running hot water. All lies but just a hassle to try to defend myself and my character.

Awwwww:)

I like the way it expresses the need to help your family through the journey and seek to find a good way to connect to your loved one with dementia.

When I was 10 my mother told my brother (who was 14) and me that our father had a terminal illness and might live 4 years. We were instructed to keep it a secret from him (this was in 1958) as well as everyone else. It was never talked about and was a terrible "secret" to bear. Daddy died when I was 14. When I was 18 I came to the realization that secrets and dishonesty were just to painful to hold onto. I became very outspoken, and am to this day.

Forty years later, my husband (who grew up in a military family) and I took his mother to live with us in our home. After a stressful family meeting, my sister-in-law told me that growing up in their family, issues were not discussed; that everyone just moved on. Despite a good multi-decade relationship, the difference in our family cultures and its impact on who we were as people was just vast. Once trouble began, interaction among all parties became increasingly difficult.

What I love about your story is the way you approached your caregiving with open-ness and honesty--especially with your daughter. I'm sure your experience of working together has strengthened your family unit as a whole.

Barbara

Warm, thought-provoking, honest, reassuring. Heart felt.

Thanks for sharing and thank God you have some wonderful sisters to help. My experience it all falls on one family member so I have had understood them as I am an only child that does it all.

They are a beautiful and supportive family steeped in faith. Blessings to all of them!

What do you do when an adult child of an ailing parent turns their back on the family and refuses to help out in a time of need because it wasn't "convenient"?

This is a very insightful article. I appreciate Amy's candor as it very accurately portrays many of the situations that my wife has encountered. In fact, some of Amy's experiences were exactly the same. Being a caretaker exacts a toll on those that perform the requisite duties. Duties that must be performed out of love and respect. Having a support system that lightens the load and that is attentive to the personal needs of the caregiver is extremely important. I am not sure if there is a book or guide that specifically outlines the experiences that a family will encounter and how best to handle them as each person's situation is different. As such, I am not sure if one can appropriately prepare for some of the things that they are likely to encounter. We have seen mood swings that range from docile and jovial to borderline hostility and combativeness. We have experienced wandering off and being lost requiring the immediate implementation of monitoring and oversight to ensure that this doesn't happen again. Amy's comments about siblings is spot on. I am not sure if anyone can prepare for the dynamics that will emerge when issues such as elder care and estate management are in play. Through it all, patience, the support of family, close friends and lots of prayer provide caregivers with the essentials to manage through very challenging situations. My wife has been an incredible warrior as she has been on the front line dealing with every aspect of my mother-in-law's primary care for over six years. This article's reflections and insights are reassuring as we continue to manage my mother-in-law's situation. Thanks for sharing.

I certainly agree singing a song that has real emotion, can mean so much.2 of my sisters who enjoyed bingo, played a prank on me saying there was going to be a big show on 1 night. I agreed to go only to find it was a karaoke not a show. when my name was called I was mortified. it was only when my mum asked me to the song that I had sung at a party 1 night that I agreed. after singing this song I saw so many people crying, recalling there husband or a loved 1 who had passed away, I was shocked that I won the contest, I was then asked to sing it in another bingo hall, again a contest. I was more shocked when I saw my dad in the audience who had never been to a bingo hall, he was ill at the time. some of the lines are as follows. the table is set but someone is missing it"s you. and it hurts so inside after thinking ive fixed things for you, after dinner the kids will go off to sleep in there rooms, I will kiss them goodnight and begin my long fight without you. well all through this day my mind just wont leave me alone, I call youre name several times, and once I tried to call you on the phone, it hurts deep inside,everytime I realize you are gone I keep asking myself oh why did you leave me alone. as I walk in the church where we promised to love & obey, you know it don't seem the same as it did on our wedding day, because I cant see the candles or the flowers, or the tears in youre eyes, and I wish I could die as I lean over youre coffin to kiss you my darling goodbye.this was played at my dads funeral, despite my mum now having dementia, and not knowing it was me that sung this, still rings a bell with her. this song is on you-tube by Freddie starr, the angels singing in the background, it has true meaning, is touching, it would mean a great deal to people who have lost a loved one, I urge you to listen to this. I also hope you like it.

Thank you for sharing your story Amy. We took in my mother in law almost 20 months ago. I know it can be daunting at times; and seeing how your family has done it in a godly respectful manner proves you've all honored your mother and father.

This was a wonderful article. I've seen her before on TV talking about her parents' illnesses and it's pretty heartbreaking. I'm glad she and her sisters work so well together.

My mom and I have loved Vince Gill for many years and I'm so happy that he and Amy found each other and have such a happy marriage. I'll print this out for my 94-year old mom, she'll really enjoy it. It just shows that whether you're rich or famous your family faces the same issues of aging and caregiving.

I appreciate this article so much! Right now going through and experiencing some of the same tough decisions that need to be made with our own parents it has been extremely helpful. Thanks for the candor and the honesty, by giving that through this article I can feel the love and devotion the family shares with one another which makes it much easier for us to deal with the life changing moments that have arrived and still to come in our own lives with our parents.