Both my parents had passed on within the last 12 months, and burial was out of State. The local funeral home handled everything and was in constant touch with the funeral home out of the State. Everything went seamless. It was expensive, but that is what my parents wanted.

The only thing I didn't do was place an obit in the newspaper. I figured all the relatives and close friends had already knew my parents had passed on, so I didn't need to inform strangers.

I realize that decades ago having an obit was the norm. But with today's identity thieves and being able to look up people in the Internet, the less information the better. I even froze my parent's credit. And recently sent death certificate copies to the voting register to take my parents names off their voting lists.

Disclaimer: Not all funeral providers are untrustworthy. I'm sure most are excellent, kind, caring and have the family's best interest at heart. But, from personal experience - review an itemization of the final bill and compare service providers if possible. I had an issue with a small town funeral director who hosted a service (only) and tried to tack on $1500 for cremation (he didn't arrange & that I found out cost $300 out of state.) The entire bill was $4000 - no burial, no luncheon, no frills. A woman I worked with had her deceased husband cremated...She reviewed the bill and they tried to charge her for embalming the body first! My brothers estranged wife "drove" the arrangements upon his death - I did some checking when it was clear he wasn't going to survive his illness (expecting my mom would expected to cover the charges)...There was about a $2000 difference in basic charges. Ex-wife didn't pay for anything & everyone just went along with her because they were in the throes of grief. Buyer beware!

i discussed funeral plans in detail with my husband a couple of years before he died. i have arranged funerals for my family in the past, none of whom had preneed contracts. i was determined that i wouldn't be put in that position again. My husband died in a hospital in the next county. When his nurse asked about 'arrangements' i was able to give him the name and phone number of the mortuary and a call was made at 1 am. Removal was effected as quickly as possible. When i visited the Mortuary later that morning I was able to provide details for the obituary, his last USAF flight suit and all the identification and addresses which had changed or were not included in the preneed contract. i think it's safe to say that prices in our area will never be lower than they are today and I know we saved hundreds of dollars by making the contract in advance. Also, i think it's better to make decisions in the calm and quiet of the preneed office rather than trying to figure things out a few hours after the death of your loved one. You definitely want to compare prices, however. Mortuaries owned by the same corporation vary in price, much less competitors. My own direct cremation won't be done by the wonderful people who handled my husband's service.

I'm sorry about this, but, I'm looking for information on how to claim a great-Aunt's body from a pauper's graveyard and bring her back home. Does anybody know how to go about starting the process?

Well yes cremation is expensive. Mine is already paid. But as I said earlier, there is cost between states, opening and closing the ground. It can add up. I have no idea where you get a cremation for $1,000.00. Mine prepaid 4 years ago was 2400.00 Having the Memorial at a later date has allowed me time to get accounts changed over to my Trust. I feel so sorry for people who live on so little that they cannot afford to bury their loved one. That is SO sad. I wonder if they take payments. My Partner is being buried in ground even tho he was cremated. The box was given to us by the Cremation company. BUT, the mortuary laws in Ca., require another metal box over the original box. There you go, another cost. I guess the funeral homes have found out they need to make money in other ways now that people are choosing Cremation.

If you die in Oregon & want to be buried in Cal., you have a license that you need to carry when you transport ashes. Then the Ca mortuary had to replace that license with another one. My partner pre-paid everything & I only had costs of minor items. I don't know how many people are aware that you can have a thumb print taken and the imagine placed on a small gold piece and wear as a necklace, or a ring same thing. Even with prepaid location and cremation, you have to pay to OPEN the ground, have the service etc I still had to spend about $3500.00. We together worked on his article for the paper. I asked questions mother's name date of death, father same. Who has died before you? When you came to America what are the details of the years that followed? You have to pay for the small brochures..Ask about all these items. But, pre-paying helped me SO much. Now the Memorial is not until end of October as people from Germany are coming and they had to plan their travels. I have to fly to Ca with the ashes, rent a hotel for 3 days, car rental, musicians, So, yes there are other costs involved. Think it out well. Or, be shocked.

I put my father's ashes in a very beautiful cigar box which looks a lot better than what the funeral home tried to sell me. I got my father's ashes in a plastic bag and cardboard box, which I transferred the ashes (still in the bag) into the cigar box--and it doesn't even look like a cigar box. It's a very beautiful container. His ashes remain in the house. I didn't want it buried. There is no need to "visit the grave"...this cost under $1,000.

Unless you have the money, cremation is the way to go. You can have a very inexpensive cremation for under $1,000. I don't understand why society is so fixated spending tons of money on burials. Funeral homes will try to gouge you out of your grief, even selling a glass urn for $500. You can get a very excellent box in a cigar shop for $50--as opposed to a cheap looking box the funeral home will provide for $1,000.00. You have to remember when a person is dead...they are dead. Celebrate the living while the person is STILL ALIVE. When they are alive, that's when you buy flowers and gifts and things for them. Anything else is phony.

In Pennsylvania, it is extremely important that the elderly person designate the individual who is to make the decisions about the funeral and disposition of the remains. The elderly person should sign a form or memo to the effect that he or she wants his spouse, or this son or that daughter to make the disposition arrangements. Otherwise it can end up as a decision made by a judge, and nobody will be pleased.

I could be wrong, but from some of the comments, I have gathered that y'all seem to think that cremation is expensive. It is not expensive at all, and if your ashes are placed in a plain box, it should be within the means of just about anybody. Of course, if you have a burial service after the cremation, that will cost you money. Our ashes are going to be returned in a plain box and then scattered at the convenience of our children. A private memorial service here in the comfort of our home will take place at THEIR convenience. No problem.

How do you proceed when the 93 yr old spouse w/dementia says wants no funeral/ceremony, wants cremation, but does not want any discussion?

Cremation is very easy. Call the cremation service, then have the ashes returned in the least expensive container available, then hold a memorial service at the convenience of the surviving wife and children in the privacy of one's home, only immediate family present. Simple as pie!

Preplanning is essential not only for funeral arrangements, but for ANY assets. These plans should be made when your parent is still able to sign and "with it". In my case there are two siblings, I am power of attorney, my sister and I are co-executors, but as she is out of state, the majority of the legwork is on me. We are in contact as to planning of funeral, etc., mainly keeping in mind what Mama would like or not like. My parents saved all their lives, but now my father has passed, my mother is 93 and in a nearby nursing home, no longer eating and the time is close. I am glad that I pushed through her apathy and lack of motivation 3 years ago when we lost Papa. An updated living will, health care and business power of attorney was put into place. We also learned from the doctor at the time of Papa's passing that, even with a living will, a DNR is REQUIRED so no measures (ie: resuscitation) are taken by first responders. Unless your parent is with you, make sure a copy of the DNR is at the nurses station AND in your loved ones room, in plain sight, so his/her wishes to die are followed.
Bank accounts and investments should be changed to POA , some funds and banks require accountholder signature in person to make the change. POA signature is not accepted in all instances. Prepaying for the funeral as time gets closer is easier on you as the planner, plus when your parent dies, your POA is deleted, so how are you going to pay for the funeral now? Don't forget the cost of entombment at the cemetery, depending on how your parent is buried, there may be additional cost not covered by the funeral home. For example, our parents are buried in a mausoleum, there is a cost to "open" the tomb to add Mama, as there was for Papa. A big push should be made to have your parents enjoy their hard earned savings before they get too old. They deserve our support for their decisions unless they are dangerous, they don't HAVE to leave any money for the next generation, we need to be responsible for ourselves. I see Mama, she has plenty of money but no enjoyment in life, and it's too late to help her in that manner.

I can agree that prearranging should be done. Unfortunately, my grandmother never did and the family is trying to figure out what to do. Whether it be a cremation or a burial. I think since this was sprung on all of us we will probably do a cremation, if we all chip in it wouldn't be too bad.

This is very informative and should encourage us to face the inevitable. My husband and I have opted for preplanning and decided to go with cremation. Our list of instructions for our preferences has been noted for each of our kids. They have also been instructed at a family meeting. We stressed that our desires are our last statement in this world and we expect them to be fulfilled if at all possible.
Two weeks ago we attended the funeral of my husband's sister. There was absolutely nothing about that service that my SIL had requested. )I knew because my SIL and I were best friends and she has discussed her funeral with me on many occassions). Her daughter announced 5 minutes after her mother drew her last breath that she was doing everything HER way and had no intentions of respecting her mom's wish list. It was a hideous dog and pony show and sickened my husband and me. This is precisely the reason our kids have been asked to honor our wishes.

Thank you, Robert, for your comments. You make a fair point, this is one of the reasons we encourage people to prearrange; so they don’t have to worry about the financial burden all at once when a death occurs. Prearranging allows you to make incremental payments on the funeral of your choice. You may also choose the amount of your monthly payment. In short, it eliminates the financial burden of your loved ones, allows affordable payment options, ensures all your wishes are met and relieves the emotional burden on your family members making crucial decisions without your input.

I would like to also point out that there are alternatives to the Dignity Memorial network in your area that might better suit your needs, such as Advantage® Funeral and Cremation Services, the Neptune Society™ and the National Cremation Society®. We have several locations in the Greater Houston area and throughout the country. I recommend visiting AdvantageFunerals.com, NeptuneSociety.com or NationalCremation.com to locate a provider near you.

Molly M. Gligor

For alot of us who are on Social Security and on very low fixed income, Dignity Memorial is very high price, even for a cremation. And for some of us only getting 875.00 dollars a month from Social Security to live on, and who are not a veteran, it's hard. Thank You. Robert.