Nice thread!

Thanks for sharing this information — it's really helpful to understand the types of issues a senior might be facing. Here's helpful article on chronic fatigue in older adults that might provide more insight: https://anthemhomecare.com/extreme-fatigue-in-seniors/

Looking for opinion and clarification.... My mom is overweight with neuropathy in both feet so she uses a wheelchair most of the time but can walk short short areas with a cane. ( she cannot / will not use a walker ). She goes to bed between 10 pm and midnight - falling asleep by 2 am or 3 am and then sleeps until 3pm or 4 pm most days. She apologizes for sleeping so much but does not have any solutions. She is comfortable and loves getting the sleep. I worry that something might be wrong - medically but her doctor told us once that if she wants to go to bed at 3 am and sleep until 3 pm - instead of being awake in the morning and going to bed at a normal 10 pm time - that is ok -- her choice.. I have her trying z quill to see if she can fall asleep earlier but so far no luck. Should I just let things be ? She is 78 and if she does not want or won't get up at a regular time and go to bed at a regular time - should I just let it be ? Looking for the normal ..... thanks,
EW

Unfortunately, I'm finding that doctors and other health care practitioners ALL ask my Dad how he spends his time, not recognizing that the answers he gives are things he hasn't done for 5 years, in part because his perception of time is flawed and because he's embarrassed to admit he doesn't do anything but sleep.

FelicityB, thank you for your wonderful perspective. We are where you were. My 91 year old father naps a lot and leads a somewhat shut-in lifestyle. Some is choice and I am out of ideas/energy. I do think it is exhausting for him to think some days and our conversations are sometimes exhausting for me. His attention span is short and he wants to be close to his bathroom, so our outside excursions are small trips. I've hired some folks to come over for companionship to give him some variety. Family doesn't come very often and he doesn't have any friends he would like to have over, even though most people like him. Says he's not bored but is frustrated by how hard it is to do anything anymore. So why bother?

If I get to be as old as many of these parents are, I would be tired and want to sleep a lot also.

Sleep needs change. I remember being in my early fifties and being asked if I had nightly outings during the workweek. I spent most evenings at home during the work week and went out some weekends. It was all I could do to keep up with working all day. As a senior who has been a caregiver, I understood my mother's need for autonomy and just tried to be supportive. I think the children of elderly should stop treating their parents like children.

My sweet mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's at 87. She became increasingly tired throughout the day, often taking naps. This was uncharacteristic of her, as she was a chatty, energetic, social person. She told me "just Thinking Is exhausting." She had more and more trouble following story TV shows, saying she couldn't keep up (processing the dialogue). At 88, we hired an in-home caregiver because she had become so forgetful with ADLs.
We also developed a routine of cognitive and physical exercises throughout her day, in between morning and afternoon naps, which the caregivers managed admirably. Mom had always enjoyed reading the daily paper and she was a spiritual person. So, she maintained her routine of daily prayers and some articles were shared during her breakfast.
She passed away rather suddenly at 90 due to an infection, but she enjoyed a wonderful quality of life until that point. She still knew all of us, attended church services, walked with a walker at least 1/4 mile daily, went to pool therapy (Joyful Joints and Easy Moves) twice weekly, and still came up with answers while watching her longtime favorite shows - Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. We all kept her engaged and she was such a joy to everyone. Fortunately, she remained congenial and never exhibited rages or much wandering (although once I found her setting a table for luncheon guests at 2 am). I treasure too the times we just sat together with my arm around her, not talking, just being. I felt her love.
We acknowledged her need for napping, sometimes two or even three hours at a stretch, but in retrospect I think maintaining the interpersonal interactions and activities kept her from sleeping much more than she did. I discussed everything with her, making sure to keep eye contact and to speak slowly (she would agree that she understood better when someone was speaking slowly when it was unfamiliar information). Almost 2 1/2 years have passed since she died, but I feel we honored her with how we cared for her during her Alzheimers years and am so thankful for her legacy.

Carol, though I agree that any form of depression is not a good thing, being depressed can be a completely normal reaction to changes in environment. Loss of loved ones, being moved into a nursing home, losing vision, losing a driver's license, trying to meet new people, loneliness, isolation, children taking control, health issues - these are all triggers for depression. Adult children of older adults often have no idea what is going on in the parent/s life and make decisions they feel are best for the individual, but sometimes at a cost to the individual's mental well-being.

I have seen it dozens of times, having worked with older adults for over 10 years in the community. The fact that people are sleeping during the day is often the result of lost sleep at night. However, it is important that children of older adults communicate their concerns. "Mom, I noticed you have been sleeping a lot during the day, and lately it seems more frequent. Do you have anything fun to do? Are you missing someone? Do you just not feel up to socializing? Are you feeling worse physically that usual?"

Be sensitive to their needs. Often children of older adults disregard their parent/s desires in order to 'Make it all easier' for themselves. Our lives are busy, and if we have to worry about a parent, it makes life more complicated. I would advise people to carefully consider the reasons someone is sleeping during the day before jumping to conclusions. Ask questions.

My mother is 94 and wants to do nothing but sleep. She is up urinating a lot at night. She had a pacemaker put in 4 months ago and it is working to help with her heart rate which they told us is good. I am concerned about her she has lost 5lbs this month. I have basically moved in with her to help as her caregiver. My concern is her not wanting to eat anything.

My DH has always napped a lot - we've been married 32 years now so I am aware of his longtime habits. He misses his gardening but is just no longer capable. I did it for him last year but he lost interest since he couldn't do it himself. Ditto the mowing. He loved mowing but even with a riding mower it became too much of a chore.
This year he wanted to sit outside so we sat outside. It's not easy being 95 so I just encourage him but let him rest when it is all he wants to do.
We have struggled with his health but recently he is eating again!
I take all "little wins" as awesome!

My mom is 84yrs she sleeps all day I don't know how to help her

Also try the pace program they pick up for couple hours so they can do arts,crafts they feed them bring them back home you may can do this call to find out and your insurance pay I know medicare pays they keep them to 4pm or 5pm I had patients in it be bless

I been care giver for 26 years my clients are 99 years old 101years please let your parents enjoy life people offen cook healthy non tasting food would you like that Mrs Alice and her sister enjoy ice cream and cake also we buy a herb season that healthy but makes the food taste great we talk to them also l teach them the lastest dancing moves I really enjoy them eating healthy dont make them live long its God will lm not saying give them junk but cook the food so they will love to eat often when their leaving the earth they will sleep more and eat less its hard but I brought them back to life so many times please dont give meds and they dont eat the drugs makes them go into deeper sleep give meds after food hope this help Im one of the best in my field:)

Thank you for the tips. I have recently moved my 83 year old father in with me. He went through a lot before I even knew he needed extra help. His wife of 25 years passed away, his home was heavily invested with black mold to the point it was growing on his dishes and furniture, his car broke down, and his VA check was cut off because they put him dead instead of his wife. The other thing was my dad really didn't have a relationship with me. He called me one day and told me he was scared, confused and worried. That's when he told me his wife had passed and he needed me. I went to his home that was several hours from me to find him in very bad shape. I immediately got involved. He is now doing a lot better now that I've moved him in with me. The only thing is I'm a full time student and I have to leave him at home everyday for a couple of hours. He gets bored and I haven't got the money to hire someone to come in and help me out. He sleeps while I'm at school and gets up when I get home. I need some ideas for him.

Great article. I recently asked my (89) aunts dr to order an antidepressant as she was taking unaccustomed rests. Not naps. Just going back to bed to rest she says. She has been on it a little more than a month and seems to be doing better.

I strongly agree with boredom as causing you to sleep more than you should. I currently live alone, I have no family, and I have no car. Winters are especially hard for me, and I happened to be asthmatic due to post pertussis. If I happen to be out in the cold and have a sudden coughing spell that can be especially dangerous. I now try to stay in as much as possible and not go out anymore than absolutely necessary. Having to stay in all winter and pretty much housebound is enough to get you pretty bored enough to sleep more. You don't necessarily have to be a senior in order to be so bored into sleeping more, it can happen to anyone, especially if you don't have anyone to give you a lift or to include you in any activity. My social circle is small and my outside contact is very limited because the few people I do know are actually busy with their own families and agendas. Isn't it funny how singles are often forced outside and forgotten? This can drive anyone into such boredom that it causes you to sleep more, I can definitely relate to this. These days you must be very careful who you trust because remember the devil was once an angel! You must use your contacts very carefully even if it means being alone for long periods of time, maybe even years at a time. If you're picky enough for long enough, the right people will eventually come along because God will always send you the people you need if you just hang in there.


My elderly friend

As for my elderly friend, I started wondering why he was also sleeping a lot, and I think boredom had much to do with it. At times I would sit with him until he at least fell asleep. At times when I sat with him for longer that I started noticing he was actually calling out to his deceased wife in his sleep, and even his aid who is still living was still living at the time. There was even a time when he called out to me. He was in his 90s and in declining health to som point, and putting the pieces together made me wonder if he may have been in the dying process and just going through that cycle. It turns out that I was right, because most surprisingly I met him in the last two years of his life not knowing how little time he really had left. He lived to see Christmas of 2014 and he said he thought it was his last Christmas. Little did he know, he lived to see one more Christmas after that which was Christmas of 2015, and he died in January 2016. Yes, he was going through the dying process, but I'm just not sure how long that process really lasts before the end.

It has been of a great help. Now, I can help my parents and determine what their problem is,

The article reinforced my thoughts of boredom causing mom to prefer staying in bed and dosing. I am unable to go out every day and this seems to be the only thing she is truly interested in. Due to dementia/short term memory loss it nearly impossible to have a friendly conversation. Discussions of plans or family activities become frustrating as she can not process it all and ends up feeling bad about herself. Not giving up though.

My dad is 86 we play skipo. I got him.a tab and put games like be jeweled and cards he knows. I get him to dust. And other little things. To find him some thing to do. He as of late is sleeping alot more. Has alz vascular dementia and more.
Says his body is tired. So I let him sleep and only wake him for meds and time to eat.

We noticed my father was sleeping a lot, for over a year before he died of a heart attack. We didn't realize until afterwards that sleeping a lot could be a sign of heart failure. He'd never go to the doctor. He didn't die in his sleep, though, it happened when he went out for a walk.

My mother (age 91) is certainly not depressed, but has short term memory problems. She is still relatively physically active, and "game" for anything, but once at home, she just flops in front of the TV and sleeps, sometimes until 1 or 2 in the morning. She was never like this. It is worrying.

My father sleeps alot, he is 64 and I think it's too early for him to sleep alot, unfortunately my mom leaves us and we are a 1000 miles far away, after it my father got bladder cancer and after treatments he developed a form of mild dementia, I'm the only one that can take care of him so I quited my job to help him get better, see this is our world, after so many years of hard work for his family it's his fortune! After all I'm with him until the end no matter how far

Is she OK when she wakes up but gets more tired as the day goes on?
Does she have any difficulty seallowing?
Does she have a cough after eating?

If she does get them to test her for Mycaenia Gravis... it is apparently quite rare for older women but I believe it is simply misdiagnosed.
An auto immune disorder where your body produces antibodies that reduce muscle receptors so neural tranmission to muscles is impacted.
I'd never heatd of it, neither had my mum's respiratory consultant. They had no clue either. After 2 months on the wrong ward I formally comained and demanded they call in neuro consult. He spotted it immediately. It is treatable, but mum caught hospital acquired pneumonia 2 days later and was dead a week after. Probably the most peaceful way to pass, may have been a blessing in disguise, but still frustrating and sad.
If your patient has mystery hypersomnia it is definity worth googling to see if your they have the symptoms.
Easily treated with Pyridigistimine, mum woke up fully 15 mins after first taking it! After 2 months of hypersomnia! (Apparently younger women get itin 20/30s, but I think they fail to pick it up in elders)

My mother-in-law was never a social person, did not join groups, hang out with friends or entertain other than with her family. She's now in assisted living after having a stroke 3 yrs ago. She is wheelchair-bound. She is not incontinent but is in diapers to make it easier for the help. There is really nothing for her to do. She misses doing laundry and cooking. She doesn't like the food and eats very little. I think she's not getting enough protein. Heck, she's not getting enough anything. I bring dinner when we visit and she eats like horse. Yet, the doctor is telling us he has no idea why she's so tired. Isn't it obvious?

I originally looked at this site because my mum and dad have started to sleep alot but I have been blessed to see that I am not alone in my difficulties with them. Both my brother an sister wont help so I gave up my counseling business to become a carer because I knew it was the right thing for me to do. It has cause much financial difficulty for husband and I as I receive little money as they don't live with us though I'm constantly there. Its very isolating and I am very thankful to read other carers comments thanks.

In the name of God, we all love our parents and it is our duty to help them out during their last days, right? How is the best way to help my loving mom. I just can't see her suffer. Please advice me.

How to help my aged mom. She is not able to stand and go to the bathroom. Also, she refuses to eat boiled food and goes on commenting sad signals. Can somebody advice me. Please.

Great article - I am printing it and showing it to my 88 year old father who has cared for my 85 year old mum since her return from hospital last Oct. Our challenge is that dad is very proud, and also is a control freak, does not like anyone 'telling him what to do', seems scared of losing 'control' over mum (gives him purpose), and is truly scared of her being put in a home.
She has been out of hospital for nearly 10 months now, and yet, despite him originally agreeing she would come to mine every week to give him a break and enable her to shower/ have her hair done, he has only let me have her over ONCE in TEN MONTHS, and that was after a huge fight where I threatened to phone their doctor about it!
I do not want to have to get to that point of confrontation with my father, whom I adore, but I am at my wits end. My siblings are less than useless (I am the only one who my dad trusts at all, and who can 'manage' him in any way)
I did phone the doctor once about this fairly early on, asking for him to help persuade my father to let go of the reins a bit and lean on me and my sister who want to help, but he was clearly not very effective (and gave the game away that I'd phoned, causing a MAJOR furore... but the threat of that phone call made him let me take her to mine once, so maybe that is my leverage?)
Anyway - she is now TOTALLY bored and unstimulated, and has taken to sleeping all day and being awake at night... my dad is exhausted and I am really worried he will literally just die from the strain. He is not getting enought rest and is not eating He has lost a shocking amount of weight, whilst my mum has put on 2 stone because he does not make her do her exercises, and he will not allow a physio to come in to exercise her. Too many cups of tea and biccies going on.

I do not know what it will take to get through to him. This all really upsets me.
He should be resting at his age and letting other people help. He is 89 in Aug.
Mum's quality of life is zero. No wonder she sleeps all day. She will literally fall asleep whilst you are talking to her. (I bring my son and show her pictures on the ipad and emails from her relatives, but it's getting harder every day to keep her awake.)
I know she'd pick up if he'd let me take her to the garden centre or Marks and Spencers, even if it were just for a couple of hours twice a week.
How do through that wall of pride?

Time for another call to their doctor I suspect, which won't help my father's trust issues, but what else can I do?

I think nutritional deficiency is the answer. My Mum sleeps a lot too and when I give her Iron tablet or multi vitamin, I see the difference. Her physician is useless so I
have to figure out what helps her. she also has alzheimer.
n