Thank you for sharing these tips for reducing anxiety. It's so important for family caregivers to take care of themselves too! It can become difficult to remain patient when trying to help a loved one, sometimes leading to more anxiety or caregiver burnout. Positive thinking can help make challenging tasks a little easier too.
To listen: get "Caregiver Support and Stress Management: Treating and Preventing Caregiver Burnout" MP3 Download
If you are a health or helping professional working during this pandemic, we thank you. If you are feeling pushed to your limits, stressed, or burned out, I hope that this free gift will bring you back to center so you can care effectively for yourself and others.
This wonderful program speaks to all types of caregivers. The first track consists of a Heart-to-Heart talk, a reminder of the true source of healing, how the relationship with a caregiver can support this healing, and how important it is to recognize caregiver stress and prevent caregiver burnout. The thrust of this talk is to encourage caregivers to take the time to keep themselves healthy, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
The second track on this product is a soothing deep relaxation/meditation and guided imagery experience specifically designed to support caregivers. It guides you to release excess and accumulated stress and tension and to recommit yourself to your own care and those you care for.
Right now I find that taking the time to read all of the excellent comments and learning about what other people are going through makes me feel better about the job I am doing. My husband can no longer deal with the TV remote, I sit and flick through commercials while reading these articles on my tablet. I also lie down while he is napping and listen to the ocean waves pounding the shore on my sound machine. It really helps.
THANK YOU. I already struggled with panic before Mom became more dependent. I have already noticed that I can have a negative effect on her when I am going through negative emotions around her. This will defintely help.
Since starting caregiving for my Mother I've grown in my own eyes. But the anxiety I get is when my siblings want to relegate me back into the old role of younger sister who isn't worthy of respect.The old putdowns that still rile me even though I know I am better than that.
I wish I could learn to rise above it but I find myself depressed and feeling bad about myself when around them when I should feel proud of how I have taken care of my Mom.
It IS contagious. My mother has always been a drama queen and over reacts about everything and I have to really catch myself because this is the only thing I saw growing up. She is also demanding, so to keep the anxiety down I am learning to just say, 'no, I will not go back to the store to get this item you forgot to tell me to get - I will do it the next day.' Of course then she will pout about it for a while, but at least I get some rest. All the kids in my family had anxiety issues while growing up and it's a hard cycle to break. Sometimes you have to just stop and ask WHY you are holding your breath.
Castle, this is so true about communication and chain of command, etc. It just makes it appear that no one is accountable and adds to the anxiety. I don't know what can be done about this. I am surprised that things have gotten this bad in the 3 years from the last time my Mom was in a NH for rehab. Staff seemed a bit more concerned and accountable then. If anxiety is contagious then it will become pandemic if things don't change!
Short word in response to Katie222 - I"m glad you named many of the ways that the structure of helping services, leave responsiveness missing. When everyone is rushed and works in separate silos of responsibilities listed elsewhere, the first worry of many who come in contact with patients, is about the issues on their lists - and the tasks and observations and responsibilities are all divided up among different people.
One example amazing to me that in nursing home, cutting toenails is left to professionals, because of fear of legal issues or accidental damage done if not by professionals. Instead of training any staff to cut nails farther from the toe, so as to minimize possible damage - and all staff to track issues of meaning or gradual risk, the delegations and division of labor is done at the distant setting of care planning - so people standing right in front of you, if they should notice that your toenails have bent over time, to risky formations, yet they say, "not my job", for they are taught, the worst sin is to have any reaction to what is officially defined as someone else's job.
Meanwhile the person who schedules monthly visits with the podiatrist, is an office functionary, often not close to the aide or family member who notices toenails are getting long, so communication takes months. Some patients survive as they speak well, observe or remember well, or have good advocates close at hand. Without that, the helping system leaves ambiguity in timing, that makes many people who find the communication system uncaring - anxious.
My mom is in a bad mood and just yelled at me that she just wants to kill herself and be finished. Lovely. Sad part is that compared to most at 89 she is physically not terrible but if the mind is no good, nothing is good. Dementia and depression...going to be another long day
This is a good article for a certain level of anxiety. However I am starting to feel very depressed at this merry go round I have been in with hospitals, rehab, back to hospital, rehab on and on. I am at the point where I feel that I am grabbed by the neck and thrown against the wall on a daily basis with something...usually it is the lack of help from doctors, nursing homes not taking Mom for rehab because of the supposed cost of antibiotics, etc. Not trusting people, and the all too familiar "I cannot be in two places at once" predicament that hits daily. When in a caregiving situation it is eye opening how no one wants to help you or is accountable for doing the jobs they get paid for. This causes me to feel like I need to carry it all myself...other's failures. Anxiety from everyone bolting from helping. Am I breathing well now? No!
I think the article is accurate and important. I am a home caregiver and cared for my disabled brother through his adult life. I kept myself going, working to be positive inspiration for him, by paying attention to my anxiety, my rest, my health.
I have to add in however, the main piece of insight about anxiety that is rarely mentioned - anxiety over remarks or hastily conceived plans made by others. I grew up not being expected to have a valid voice, and thus had many life experiences which were ignored by others who communicated more loudly, more often, more acceptably, or more influenced by alcohol or medications. I had to learn to find a place in my own life, and I was lucky to find a safe, supportive place to learn to listen when confronted or challenged. That helped me consider what others were saying to me.
Because of past expectations, I often fear arguing, or if I do argue, I do it in a way, or others have ways of adding more dispute, and this is anxiety producing. I don't run to a medical expert for help, as is too often recommended, without consideration of issues of anxiety and fear of those who feel they have lost their voice (memory, ability to organize, etc),
I've learned to allow myself temporary failure. If someone knocks you down, don't get up right away - lie there and use the time to rest a bit. So said a famous boxer that I don't remember.
And that writing in a journal helps, helps me find my words, my values, what I was hoping for, and what I want to stand up for. I've learned that when I'm clear, flexible, plan the right timing, and give the other person time to take in the new idea I'm offering - that some agreement is often possible. Allowing disagreements to take time, and deal with them in spurts with pauses - has allowed me to find a voice. This feeling of voicelessness affects elders too. For fast moving people with many different agendas, often rush the planning process, and elders' evolving or new needs or wishes are missed.
My confidence that people of all styles wish for the best care and have contributions to make - and in my one on one care, I listen, for it's important to reflect with responsiveness, on losses that fragile people face, identify, commiserate, and consider helping resolve those that might be helped - even at a slow pace, but deliberately. That focus, added to ongoing resolving physical issues of navigation from perspective of the elder, heat/cold or nutrition or rest - resolve those quickly, add a sweater or long socks, turn on a light for better vision for the elder who is walking - small solutions, responsive, and be confident that we all seek to find the best solutions in often colorful ways, not all the same. I think a fragmented, mobile society has left many of us strangers to one another, and reclaiming value adds confidence.
lol. forget about facts for the time being. 90% of what the dementia patient says is distorted . correcting them even if just for the sake of clarification will eventually piss them off. black is white, up is down, etc. facts arent expendible.
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In Caregiving, Anxiety Can Be Contagious
If you are a health or helping professional working during this pandemic, we thank you. If you are feeling pushed to your limits, stressed, or burned out, I hope that this free gift will bring you back to center so you can care effectively for yourself and others.
This wonderful program speaks to all types of caregivers. The first track consists of a Heart-to-Heart talk, a reminder of the true source of healing, how the relationship with a caregiver can support this healing, and how important it is to recognize caregiver stress and prevent caregiver burnout. The thrust of this talk is to encourage caregivers to take the time to keep themselves healthy, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
The second track on this product is a soothing deep relaxation/meditation and guided imagery experience specifically designed to support caregivers. It guides you to release excess and accumulated stress and tension and to recommit yourself to your own care and those you care for.
I wish I could learn to rise above it but I find myself depressed and feeling bad about myself when around them when I should feel proud of how I have taken care of my Mom.
Of course then she will pout about it for a while, but at least I get some rest. All the kids in my family had anxiety issues while growing up and it's a hard cycle to break. Sometimes you have to just stop and ask WHY you are holding your breath.
One example amazing to me that in nursing home, cutting toenails is left to professionals, because of fear of legal issues or accidental damage done if not by professionals. Instead of training any staff to cut nails farther from the toe, so as to minimize possible damage - and all staff to track issues of meaning or gradual risk, the delegations and division of labor is done at the distant setting of care planning - so people standing right in front of you, if they should notice that your toenails have bent over time, to risky formations, yet they say, "not my job", for they are taught, the worst sin is to have any reaction to what is officially defined as someone else's job.
Meanwhile the person who schedules monthly visits with the podiatrist, is an office functionary, often not close to the aide or family member who notices toenails are getting long, so communication takes months. Some patients survive as they speak well, observe or remember well, or have good advocates close at hand. Without that, the helping system leaves ambiguity in timing, that makes many people who find the communication system uncaring - anxious.
I have to add in however, the main piece of insight about anxiety that is rarely mentioned - anxiety over remarks or hastily conceived plans made by others. I grew up not being expected to have a valid voice, and thus had many life experiences which were ignored by others who communicated more loudly, more often, more acceptably, or more influenced by alcohol or medications. I had to learn to find a place in my own life, and I was lucky to find a safe, supportive place to learn to listen when confronted or challenged. That helped me consider what others were saying to me.
Because of past expectations, I often fear arguing, or if I do argue, I do it in a way, or others have ways of adding more dispute, and this is anxiety producing. I don't run to a medical expert for help, as is too often recommended, without consideration of issues of anxiety and fear of those who feel they have lost their voice (memory, ability to organize, etc),
I've learned to allow myself temporary failure. If someone knocks you down, don't get up right away - lie there and use the time to rest a bit. So said a famous boxer that I don't remember.
And that writing in a journal helps, helps me find my words, my values, what I was hoping for, and what I want to stand up for. I've learned that when I'm clear, flexible, plan the right timing, and give the other person time to take in the new idea I'm offering - that some agreement is often possible. Allowing disagreements to take time, and deal with them in spurts with pauses - has allowed me to find a voice. This feeling of voicelessness affects elders too. For fast moving people with many different agendas, often rush the planning process, and elders' evolving or new needs or wishes are missed.
My confidence that people of all styles wish for the best care and have contributions to make - and in my one on one care, I listen, for it's important to reflect with responsiveness, on losses that fragile people face, identify, commiserate, and consider helping resolve those that might be helped - even at a slow pace, but deliberately. That focus, added to ongoing resolving physical issues of navigation from perspective of the elder, heat/cold or nutrition or rest - resolve those quickly, add a sweater or long socks, turn on a light for better vision for the elder who is walking - small solutions, responsive, and be confident that we all seek to find the best solutions in often colorful ways, not all the same. I think a fragmented, mobile society has left many of us strangers to one another, and reclaiming value adds confidence.