My father has about 12 medical issues; none of which make him eligible for Hospice. He has been in a nursing home for 31/2 years and is currently a shell of a person. He has no dignity or control over his life. He is in an early stage of dementia. I am tired and frustrated with the entire system. I have put my life on hold because of Dad. I have no siblings and my children do not life nearby. I am tired and exhausted. What do I do.

It's amazing how putting down the ideas on paper can clarify our thinking. That's why gratitude lists work, too. We see what we have to be grateful for and that helps balance the rest.

For years, counselors have been suggesting that people journal, something most people resist. But often when we finally do journal, we find it helps.These lists - what is working and what can be changed - are part of that mentality. I hope it helps you, too.
Take care,
Carol

Good Article. I think the idea of a good and bad list is great and I hope we all take a few minutes and think about what we are doing right (YAY!) and what we know is not working. If we can identify what is not working, perhaps we have a better chance of solving the problems and improving our own lives and that of our loved ones.

Caregivers do need to tend to their own medical needs, else they could, quite likely, fall victim to the same diseases/illnesses as their parents.

mslisadoll, you are right - we need to take care of ourselves somehow. I hope that you can find some small ways to refresh your caregiving routine so that you have time to stay healthy and that you recover from your recent illness soon.
Carol

Nice article and comments. Have been overwhelmed having been pretty sick for several weeks, but am trying to do a little at a time. It is important for cargivers to take care of ourselves to help avoid or take care of stress and other issues.

I'm so happy about the new facility. There are excellent models out there - places where most elders can enjoy a certain freedom, make friends and receive excellent care. Unfortunately, there aren't enough. We need to keep pushing for quality care in any way we can.

Take care, all of you. You are terrific people!
Carol

we are so fortunate to live in the age of the internet. yea the elders condition is going to change and not for the better. by keeping yourself read up you can resolve problems as quickly as they present themselves. i turned the fart fan in my mothers bathroom upside down and screwed it back into the ceiling a couple days ago and shes in her room now groovin on the fresh air being kicked in from outside. ( she has copd ) to quote alice cooper, " its the little things "

I can really relate to this. I have been taking care of my mom since I was 30. I am now 44 . I really realized last month that I need to change my care giving routine and clean house too. My sister flew in to visit last month and helped me organize and we visited a few assisted living facilities and are deciding on my next steps in placing mom. My other sister and my oldest brother hardly ever visit. That has made me really resentful towards them.Especially since I am the youngest. Actually 13 years younger and I have younger kids ,a full time job and a marriage to maintain.

I appreciate others sharing their stories. I use to put off mammograms and self care .My moms Dr. actually suggested that I start taking better care of myself last month and I have. I feel a lot better. Ilost a few pounds and I started a blog about the funny side of care giving. Spring cleaning and reorganizing my care responsibilities has made a difference already even though it's only been a month.

It was so nice reading this. It hit close to home but made me feel a little better about the situation I'm in.

2much2cover, the facility is called "THOMAS FEENEY MANOR". It is a completely new concept. GOOGLE IT. Yes, it is subsidized, and there is a waiting list.

Vankeurengroup, can you tell us the name of this model facility so we can advocate for something similar where we live. Sounds too good to be true. When you say it will be subsidized, do you mean like the 202 independent housing where seniors pay 30 percent of their income for rent and there are waiting lists years long? Thanks.

Ann's story is so close to my own I can't believe it. My brother doesn't even handle finances and keeps his distance across the country and doesn't even call. Now and then he contributes some money but that's about it. My emails and cries for help go largely unanswered because he is quite content to leave the burden with me. As for assisted living I have, like you, largely ignored the medical community and managed at home after four aborted attempts at "care facilities" that didn't do the job right. I have been her advocate in three hospital stays and got her through medical mismanagement. Like you, I don't have enough time or energy to attend to my own appointments. However, I have lately discovered a wonderful adult day program that also incorporates PT in the same facility. This is an award-winning "national model" that just opened up last year. It was funded by stimulus money. There is assisted living, a clinic for seniors, a YMCA and a PT facility all on site in addition to the adult day care. I have an appointment with the assisted living nurses next week to get my mom on the waiting list for permanent placement there. I feel that this is "the one" and she will be able to go on getting the same services she is now getting comfortable with, in the same facility, with the same providers, all in one spot. I won't even have to take her to the doctor because the clinic is right there! And the best part is it will all be subsidized by the state and federal governments and administered by the county and city public assistance and public housing services that are all coordinating to provide a streamlined solution in this wonderful facility. More of these types of settings are needed across the U.S. and hopefully when more people become aware of the level of success of this "model" it will catch on!