All of this - I started requesting hospice for my 86-year-old mother back in May 2021 but my sibling wasn't having it. She had been dealing with ALZ for five years, diagnosed when my Dad died of Parkinsons in 2017 and I was taking care of both of them. They had been married 54 years. I was her medical POA and my younger brother her general POA. So while my father requested a feeding tube from Kaiser she wanted to die at home with no interference. Fast forward to 2021, my brother was the primary caregiver and I didn't see her for most of 2020 due to the pandemic and when I was able to get to her she was really close to the end stages of her disease. In July 2021 her daytime caregiver quit and I knew something was going down so I called in Kaiser hospice again. My brother, not dealing with it, declined TWICE. In August 2021 I go home and he's panicking because she's failing. I call in hospice one more time. It's paid for, she is wealth,y there was no risk factor. He thinks they aren't helpful. Well they aren't if you call a day before you need it. Hello! When it finally was enacted, he called me to come home. But then he had a change of plan and then called the paramedics before I got there to resuscitate her (I had no idea for what). She was in distress when I arrived but I went to work and we had two days of peaceful ease with her and hospice came on the last night of her life to check her vitals but didn't admit her. They said they would do it the next day (yesterday). They didn't show up. She died at 11:00 am and I had to call paramedics because her hospital transferred her to a 3rd party hospice and she was in limbo between the hospital and hospice. My mother was dead for 3 hours and it was clear I needed to do something. Fifteen firemen, police and paramedics came to the house and treated it like a criminal scene because my POA sibling also didn't sign the DNR. They tried to resuscitate her and he was upset because he didn't want her languishing on the floor. She was already gone by then but he blames me now for the debacle. The only golden thing in this story is that my mother and I managed to get her wish - she died at home in her own bed with her kids surrounding her. Hospice took four days to get there stuff together after the doctors order and I followed up every step of the way. But if POA sibling had allowed me to do my job, I believe we might have had a better ending.

Not everyone lives a long drawn out hospice period end to their life. When I reflect back on the end for my father, the doctors went thru their checklist of the bag of tricks in their playbook of procedures that had performed along the way. Stents, carotid artery surgery and everything else. 96+ years, he was worn out & exhausted. Essentially hospice at that moment was modern medicine throwing in the towel, throwing their hands up in surrender. They had nothing more. No Euthenasia, just a DNR order. And as I learned, until that autopsy & death certificate are finalized for cause of death, nobody is off the hook legally or criminally. Just me, but the desperation I was at, I would've given Mom, Dad & dog, years out of my own time bank of what life I have left to keep them all going. It just doesn't work like that.

They wait because they don’t want to give up their doctors, that’s why. Giving up means death is around the corner.

Granted it was 11 years ago and much has changed but I had to fight to get my 94 yo mother into hospice care program. Her "new" doctor ( her very good one had left private practice and stuck us with this creep) refused to authorize it, insisting mother wasn't dying even though home health nurses stated that she was in last stage dementia and even though she had only seen mother herself a year before when she agreed Mom was homebound and needed home health.
Mom wanted to die at home. The only way I could assure that she wouldn't end up in a hospital to die was to take her to the ER and then have her admitted for an infection. I was able to track down her previous Dr (now working at that hospital) and explain the situation. She had a conference with the doc in charge of Mom's case and arrangements were made to send her home with hospice care. In the meantime they tried to talk me into a feeding tube in spite of Mom having an advance directive saying NO.

I hope no one ever has to fight to allow a natural death of a loved one again. Once back home Mom relaxed, had a peaceful look to her and died in her sleep 3 weeks later.

My Mother fell in her Memory Care facility in April. They called an ambulance and took her to hospital where the doctor said she had bleeding on the brain. I authorized them to stop the bleeding. My Mother refused to eat or drink or even open her mouth. Doctor released my Mother back to Memory Care with Hospice nurses 24/7 at a cost of $450 per day. The doctor said my Mother could live about 8 days without food or water. After going back to the familiar Memory Care facility, my Mother rebounded after about two days and started eating/drinking again. I removed hospice nurses immediately. Here we are 10 months later and Mother is back to "normal" or what constitutes for "normal" when you have Alzheimer's. Don't be so quick to get hospice but be speedy letting them go. Know that Medicare does NOT cover the 24/7 nurses at $450 per day that the Memory Care facility required.

I started trying to get my mother assessed for Hospice in July. I’ve spoken to 4 different people who gave me 4 extremely different descriptions of how and what Hospice does. I’ve also had 2 appointments cancelled and am still waiting. Now I’m Being told that her primary care doctor only referred her for Palliative care. As far as I can determine Palliative Care does little more than provide advice. Based on my experience, it’s extremely difficult to be Proactive and request Hospice care on your own. You need a hospital to request it for you, at least in my area.

My Mother who is 100 years of age was denied hospice care yesterday. The nurse assessing my Mom said she is "too well." My Mom has no illnesses. All her "vitals" are good. However, she does have severe dementia and is totally dependent upon me, her daughter of 72, to take care of her. She has some walking issues due to swollen feet/ankels, and a sore hip, but gets around pretty well for 100! I am very disappointed as I am the sole caregiver, have no family to help, and could have used some help.

There are many different experiences from hospice. My own experience was with my MIL,who was in home care hospice at my sister-in-law's home. It was a very good thing; the visiting nurse taught my SIL how to care for our MIL, and they called me to pick up some stronger meds from her doctor and bring them to her. I mention this because there have been reports of hospice care that refuses to give the patient meds of any kind, water, or food (yes, I know that dying patients often stop eating--my husband did, but surely not all of them).

Our primary care doctor put my husband on hospice care last year at Thanksgiving. He went downhill so fast that after one week I said to him, "You're going to die by January if we just sit here and wait." He said, "No, by Christmas." We got mad, called and withdrew from hospice, went to the hospital, and are still at home together having fun. If we had stayed on hospice, my husband would have died from dehydration and a UTI, after fighting cancer for fourteen years. We decided those were ridiculous reasons for him to die. We will NEVER use hospice again until the last few days. It was awful!

When understanding that hospice is about HOPE, and honoring patients’ choices about how they want to live their final days, about providing comfort and managing pain and symptoms associated with an illness, it makes sense to take advantage of the services hospice offers at the earliest appropriate time.

As my 96-year-old mother-in-law was approaching the end, we called in hospice. It was simply amazing how unselfishly they worked to make her last days as comfortable as possible. No one should wait too long. Sure, calling them is admitting that the end is almost here for a loved one. But engaging hospice will be yet another, extremely valuable expression of the love.

We called Hospice 6 months ago as a resource in caring for my Dad diagnosed with Late stages dementia, at home. It was wonderful. They assessed him. and began providing his "memory meds'" helped with the decision on when to use anxiety and sleeping meds when his anxiety increased as his mental acuity decreased. Our Hospice provides 5 days of respite care a month. My dad did not finacially qualify for any help form state or feds and what hospice could provide helped tremendously. I was able to keep him at home for 5 more months. When he could no longer manage at home and adult daycare, Hospice helped us find an appropriate placemnt for him, helping us define what he needed and where we would be comfortable with him being. When you don't qualifiy for medicaid there are no social workers available to help navigate. Hospice contiues to follow my dad in his nursing placement. It gives our family another set of eyes and ears on him and we trust their experience in what the facilitiy is doing for him and how he is doing. They have educated us on what his decline will look like. Or normalize what we and he are going through. They saved my sanity.