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My thoughts go to the rather lengthy entry before, "Amen." I firmly believe that it is so very unfair to hold Ms. Foster's life situation or wealth against her. Rich or poor...whether acknowledged or not the myriad feelings experienced while caring for a loved one, watching them struggle, their life skills so diminished, tears one up to their very soul. Rocky past or mot, I believe that Ms. Foster loved her mother. Be glad that she had the resources to care for her mother well, and please don't resent the possibility that you may not have had. I believe that God will love you for that. Thank you for the beautiful words, Jodie!!!
Her comments about her mother were sweet, but I could not help but think how Jodie surely is not caring for her mother alone 24/7 like so many of us children of parents who have dementia or are otherwise disabled be it mentally or physically. With the money Jodie has she has the luxury of hiring very good aides, nurses etc to either care for her mother 24/7 in her home, or she has the money to put her mother in a top notch nursing home or private home that cares for just a few patients. I am sure Jodie has no idea what caregiver burnout feels like or how frustrating and heart-breaking it is to care for a parent or loved one suffering with a brain disease.. I am sure she knows the heartache of watching her mother/loved one slipping away each day, but she has so much help caring for her Mom that it does, I am sure, take away so much stress and makes such an incredibly sad experience much easier to handle since she can afford the best care money can buy, that is a luxury I and many caregivers wish we had.
And wouldn't it had been great if Jodie has called out for the immediate need for much more government and private funding for research into Alzhiemers and other dementia related diseases so that we can eradicate them, or at the very least find treatments to ward off the ravages of these brain and mind robbing diseases.
And it would had been nice if she could had perhaps said caregivers needed respite and funding, but see as that she is not a caregiver like average citizens she has no idea just how hard, stressful and depressing caring for an ill family member without help is and that it is extremely expensive to hire help and that many people are wary of nursing homes where neglect and abuse can occur..
My mom is 95 yoa and even though she has shown signs for over 10 years, her official diagnosis was a couple of months ago. I didn't need a professional confirmation of what my gut knew since I live with her. Last week, her doctor took me aside and told me that with this diagnosis, I will lose her twice and that I have already lost her once. I have to explain things to her over and over, it's a daily thing and struggle to help her understand what we did yesterday. It can drive me nuts because she has always been on top of things and things she knew are gone. It does bring us closer but it's for that day only because tomorrow, it starts all over again. It makes me sad and scared for her.
Jodie, heartfelt comments to her mother really resinated with me. My mother will turn 96 on Feburary 2nd. She has been living with me for almost 6 years. At first it was because she has extremely poor eyesight and hearing. She was afraid to live alone. Then the dementia started to show up. at first it was now and then. Caught us by surprise and now its progressed to the point that I am her total caregiver and so relate to Jodie's comment that " Mom, I know you are in those blue eyes somewhere." I get glimpses of the mom I remember on occasion. less and less as time passes. I always try to say I love you in hopes that she understands. She does say it to me often. Still there are times I am at my ropes end and feel overwhelmed. It just seemed very nice to hear those words from her on Golden Globe night. Thanks!
With my mother, dementia caregiving was not a "long good-bye," as it is so often called, but a "long hello." Like Jody Foster, I had a difficult relationship with my mother, but our time together over 7 years of caregiving allowed us to grow closer. And right up until the end, even though Mom could no longer speak, I could see that Mom was "inside those blue eyes somewhere." Thank you, Jody.
Well done Jody. Love your work. I'm finding with my sweet 78 yo Mother, that forgiveness is easier than letting go. It truly is as Amy Grant said: " The longest goodbye".
When Jody Foster told her mother "I love you, I love you, I love you" and hoped that magically and perfectly it would enter her mother's soul, it actually with the first "I love you". Individuals living with Alzheimer's see, hear, and feel everything. They just cannot make good sense of it at the time it happens. They also travel in places we have never been to and therefore can stay in contact with those living and those who have already gone. It is a very special condition but also very difficult for those of us who care so much for them.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
9 Comments
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Echoes of a Caregiver: Jodie Foster’s Tribute to Mom with Dementia
And wouldn't it had been great if Jodie has called out for the immediate need for much more government and private funding for research into Alzhiemers and other dementia related diseases so that we can eradicate them, or at the very least find treatments to ward off the ravages of these brain and mind robbing diseases.
And it would had been nice if she could had perhaps said caregivers needed respite and funding, but see as that she is not a caregiver like average citizens she has no idea just how hard, stressful and depressing caring for an ill family member without help is and that it is extremely expensive to hire help and that many people are wary of nursing homes where neglect and abuse can occur..
Dr. Ethelle Lord
Pioneer in Alzheimer's Coaching