my mom has lived in my home 3 years.she’s getting worse-sundowners more frequently & her doctor & nurse have noticed. They tell me her receptors in her brain are changing.
It’s been more overwhelming for me.
My doctors, her social worker-my social worker& even the nurse reassured me, that it’s a lot for me. Especially since I don’t have siblings. Her care falls all on me. Getting her placed is the best thing-she will get care 24/7, fed and given extra activities. Plus those caregivers have shifts -there are new set of eyes constantly.
Finding a place is the tough thing, She only gets SS, there isn’t any one that will be able to pay the difference if needed- if she’s placed somewhere “too fancy” At this point she’s at,as long as she is somewhere that can provide 24/7 care & feed her she will be ok.
Finding a place is happening. I’m searching & reaching out for help from her social worker, mine & local Aging Adults Agency.
Once a place is found & the process can get started. I will be able to regain my role as daughter. Also I’ll be able to take care of myself better.
It’s definitely a tough situation, hour to hour. In my household, after it starts to get dark -it’s worse.
I dread nights & I need to find peaceful nights. Even my mom needs to find peace @ night. I don’t know how she goes days & nights without sleep. When she finally doses off -it’s from pure exhaustion.
Good luck 🍀 to us all 🔮☮️
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All these ways to help pay for assisted living are great if you plan ahead. But, there are some that NEVER planned (my mother). Now what? Everywhere I have called want $3000 or more. Her SS isn't near that much and if you add in the assistance from the VA (husband was a war vet) that brings her right at the cost of an assisted living place with VERY little extra money if any at all. How is it possible to take everything they have??
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Valace, the Assisted Living facility my Dad lived in didn't charge it residents for any repairs.... unless my Dad wanted something out of the ordinary done to his apartment.
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Need help with home repairs my mother on disability
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The article is very informative over all.
A life settlement occurs when the owner of a policy sells their policy to another party. This sale should be prepared and offered through a broker so that the policy can be offered to multiple institutional investors through a competitive bidding process . The owner of the policy gets money now, and gives up the death benefit, which goes to the new owner of the policy. The issuing company does not purchase the policy back. Many policies have a 'cash value' or 'surrender value', which many people accept when applying for medicaid. Depending on factors such as the death benefit and life expectancy of the insured, investors may pay substantially more for that policy than the issuing company in exchange for the death benefit. If you plan on getting nothing for a term policy ( which may be converted to another type of policy then sold,) or cashing out for the surrender value on a whole or universal life policy, find out what a life settlement might bring. Someone 70 or older with a life expectancy of 15 years or less, and a policy with a death benefit of $100K or more should look at a life settlement as opposed to simply accepting the surrender value or allowing a policy to lapse.
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I was very interested to read that a surviving spouse of a veteran may qualify for an amount that would help pay for my Mothers assisted living costs. I will be sure and follow up on this.
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A reverse mortgage might be good if the elder is still mobile and doesn't need a lot of care. Case in point, my Dad was paying $20,000 a month for 24 hour professional caregivers because he was a fall risk. That would have been $240,000 a year for him to stay in his house. Now he is in Independent/Assistant Living [his choice] which will be $60,000 per year. Big difference. Now he is secure knowing that he has enough money to age in place at that beautiful complex.

Dad will be glad once he sells the house.... no worry about repairs or property taxes, or shoveling snow, moving the grass, and dealing with all those stairs stairs. And he's around people of his own generation :)
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It is useful.
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Nice article as a general overview. I would like to offer some more specific commentary on Reverse Mortgages as they relate to helping pay for in-home care. A Reverse Mortgage is suitable for homeowners 62 and above that have equity in their homes. Reverse Mortgages are government insured loans specially designed for seniors with no monthly forward mortgage payments required. In the instance where a homeowner has a mortgage and/or other debt, a Reverse Mortgage is an ideal instrument that can be deployed to manage and help balance monthly cash flow. It’s nothing more than paying attention to money in versus money out over the course of a calendar month. A Reverse will eliminate the forward mortgage payment(s) and other selected debt payments thereby freeing up funds for living expenses and care (taxes & insurance still required). Without the burden of out of pocket monthly payments to your lender(s) the first of each month, it is easier to focus on the needs at hand such as in-home care. Whether you have debt to pay off or not, a Reverse will also provide a credit line for any residual available home equity. This is also ideal because any unused portion of your available home equity will grow annually at approximately five percent as you age. Your home equity is no longer strictly a dwindling asset but now rather a growing resource that can help you stay in your home.
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Hi Sweet Aim, The spouse has to have been married to the vet at the time of their death.
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Does anyone know if there is any aid to a divorced spouse of a veteran, where neither spouse remarried? Dad has passed on, Mom, with dementia, is $1,400 short a month for ALF. She was able to secure his social security survivor benefits but that's not enough.
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A senior is must be living in their home to qualify for a reverse mortgage.
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What about a Granny Pod as an alternative to an Assisted Living facility?
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With all of that trauma you and your loved one went through, sad to say you were one of the lucky ones. At least she had assets of a home to sell. And at least she was the wife of a veteran so vet admin money was available to her. My husband's mother had no assets, other then a pension that got her, with her Social Security, about $22,000 a year, no savings, and unfortunately she divorced the veteran many years ago and therefore was not eligible for spouse of veterans benefit. Government benefits are set up to provide Medicare assistance only for those going into nursing homes who can qualify for Medicare. If they don't need a nursing home level of care and can enjoy the lifestyle of assisted-living, because they only need the help necessary at an assisted living facility, there is no assistance from public funding other than the veterans administration benefits for those eligible. There are many people who end up going to a nursing home because it is the only option for which public funding is available to supplement what they can provide even though they didn't really need that restricted level of care. Only those who have assets to sell off such as a home or who have a trust fund or other extensive assets, or who have had the foresight to take out long-term care insurance can fund assisted living. Average per month cost of such in Ca is $3500/month...that is the average mind you. Not many can afford$40,000 + a year Plus medical and other expenses.
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Please also be aware that the surviving spouse of a vet is eligible for VA stipend for assisted living.
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The quickest and clearest way to get information about VA assistance available for paying for assisted-living is by going to the business office of an assisted-living facility! They are expert at helping people get through the process. The people who are most motivated to get this information to you quickly and accurately are the people trying to fill the bed!
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Wish i had answers. Basically the government set up a system of throw away slaves. When slaves can no longer produce, they throw them outside of the system. Our generation is going broke taking care of pur parents, we are not able to work because we dedicate our lives to the system. The democratic - capitalist system was doomed to fail and it is. Think its bad now? Just wait till we start falling apart. Im a realist. This really does suck- but sometimes its good to see what sucks to get mad enough to figure out a solution. Just saying... im sorry for all my fellow caregivers pain. We are not seen and no one knows what we go through but us.
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Interesting article! I'm glad there are resources for our veterans to use in their time of need, but there clearly need to be more people on top of this.

The Aid & Attendance benefit can provide them funds to afford assisted living care. The A&A Pension can provide up to $1,788 per month to a veteran, $1,149 per month to a surviving spouse, or $2,120 per month to a couple. A Veteran filing with a Sick Spouse is eligible for up to $1,406 per month.
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I am sooooo disgusted with the govt which spend 10 billion a month on this war but can't take care of the elders who have always paid their way. GIVE ME A BREAK! You can get SSI for almost nothing but if you have Dementia it is pay as you go
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Is it an iron clad rule that Nursing Homes usurp all funds from the selling of a home or can siblings share somewhat in the sale?
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Suppose that you have to get some help. Find it. I know that it is hard fot but. You have to. Good luck.
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Does not reflect prices for ALF here in Central Florida where basic monthly rates are adjusted upwards depending on level of care needed (assistance with showers, transfers to and from wheelchair & bed, incontinence, medicine management, etc..) in addition to basic fee of $3000/ Monthly rate can climb to $4-6k/month.
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When we first encountered the avalanche of responsibilities of dying fathers and demented mothers, the best and most condensed info we got was from meeting with an elder law attorney. Take a tape recorder if they will allow it. RE how to pay for ALF care; I have seen where the adult children sell the elder's house and purchase a couple rental units. The money from the rentals is used to pay the ALF. There are also home-based family care units, usually have 4 to 6 residents; the resident gets 1/2 of a room, 3 square meals and assistance as they need it, for less $. Might be an option for you...
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Also, from what I understand after reading one comment, the premiums for long term insurance start at about $2200 per year. That's a lot given that many of us are now having to pay for a large portion of our insurance given the state of health care today.

Plus many don't understand the different levels of care. What used to be a nursing home, plain and simple, is now Skilled Nursing Facility. Then there's Memory Care, then there's assisted living, and the list goes on.

Plus whenever the government is involved, it's a bureaucratic nightmare. The care giver needs a psychiatrist after this!
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And this is why I always say Assisted Living seems to be only for those who are in what is today called 'upper middle income bracket' and have saved money for their retirement, own homes, etc., etc., Those who have parents who never owned a home, never owned a car, lived from week to week and are currently living on social security and a small pension from their work (my dad got $149 per month after working fifty years at factory work) and the list goes on, just aren't allowed the luxury of assisted living.

Now, I've been told that Medicaid will pay skilled nursing care (which is basically like rehab without the rehab, at least where I am) which is fine. But when I see and hear that people's parents are in assisted living I get a bit 'jealous' in that my mom would never had had the chance given her lifetime experiences and her way of life. Not everyone had the wherewithal to finish high school, let alone attend college back in her day. Many quit school by eighth grade to help out their parents who were immigrants back then with large families.

Just my thoughts. Assisted living in my state (FL) is upwards of $5500 per month) and that's for a studio. Lots of graduated living which requires a $250,000 down payment which usually is accessed through the sale of one's home along with a $2,000 fee monthly that includes three meals, etc.

While at some point I could probably afford it given I own a home) my mom can't. And given the state of today's economy, many have lost a lot of equity.
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My Mom has Parkinson's and it's just not safe for her at home anymore. She tried living with me and was very unhappy. We have been trying to find a safe place for her to live where she will have the care she needs. We found a nice assisted living facility, went through the financial mumbo jumbo and got turned down for the bridge loan. This loan was supposed to float her until the VA assistance kicked in. So now we're back to square one. It's so sad that there is no one to help us with this. I can't tell you how mnay times we've been told they can't help us. Mom is on SS and a small pension. THere is no way she can afford the nicer facilities on her own. So what do we do and where do we turn?
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Very helpful advice on how to pay for assisted living. Long-term care insurance is definitely a viable option, but only if you start doing your homework early. Premiums for this type of coverage can be costly especially if you wait until you are 60 and above. Some buyers who are at their 50s have already been denied coverage because of some health issue. So, I suggest if you're considering LTC insurance to start shopping for policies now while you are still young and can health qualify.
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I think this is an excellent article telling all types of in formation.
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That is so awesome to hear stuff like that n just by meeting with similar situations. I am so glad u were able n still able to just talk to someone that understand what you r or were going through at the time. This site has made a huge difference for me during the past year. I hope others read these post so they too will know about such thing that may be available in their local hospital area. Thanks. ; )
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At our hospital I attended one the leader was not real good I think she was a social worker student but the group itself was great and I became friends with a women who had a husband as difficut as mine and we became good friends and we were able to support each other on the phone often-we remained friends after both our husbands died and she moved away and still email each other.
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