Being an ER doc, this CRUCIAL moment is spellbinding. Will the patient's needs be uncertain or empowered? Will the doctor's intervention be dutiful or empathetic? Will the family member be on guard or guide this life passage? Do you prefer someone speak for you or maintain the ability to speak for yourself? Advance care planning beings with reading WISHES TO DIE FOR.
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I would like to offer this tidbit: when visiting nursing homes/facilities, sometimes they encouraged us to get on their Wait List. There is sometimes a fee for this, and different policies at each fAcility. We had a couple places we liked, but after careful consideration, it dawned on us, if WE had an emergency need, it was 99.9999% assured that it would NOT coincide with when THEY had an opening. In other words, mom could be done with rehab but not able to go home, and none of the 3 facilities she really liked would have room for her. Several siblings were all adamant that parents get on The Lists, thinking it was like an insurance policy that we would never be scrambling to find a bed. It took them quite awhile to realize I was right. If you're #49 on The List and #50 has an emergency, they are not going to bump up #50 and that's only fair to #49, who may be in great need too. So be careful before you put thousands on several lists (your executor will also thank you for one less account to have to track down, and collect).
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wonderful info, thank you
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Life is so fragile. One of the caregiver responders in my book (see Katie's Story "What to Do about Mama?" p.170) was caregiver for her mother and mother-in-law in her home during two different timeframes. She had brain surgery for an aneurism in December 2013. Like your uncle, the surgery went wrong, and she had surgery again the next day to relieve the pressure on her brain. She was in a coma for 6 weeks. She now has the use of only one limb--her right arm--and lives in a nursing home facility. She's only 65-years old. This vivacious and giving woman is now locked in her body and generally confined to her environment. Her life was irrevocably changed the instant her surgeon punctured the blood vessel in her brain. Frankly, I would prefer to die of a burst aneurism than to live as she is living. But that is a value judgment we must all make for ourselves. Although she and her husband considered that she might die during surgery, they did not consider the option that she might live impaired. Sad. Tragic. There aren't enough adjectives to describe the breadth of what happened to "Katie."
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nothing is written in stone. the circumstances can change daily and not for the better. im a f@!^ng neanderthal but ive learned that mom needs a big hug every now and then. touch is as important as tact and education.
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I am a relative new caregiver, appreciated your article. My mom is widowed, lives down the street from me, but it seems as if her physical health is going down rapidly, and she is getting weaker, although is still partially ambulatory, and bathes herself as well as taking care of other personal care needs. We have already taken care of such things as a life alert system and I sleep (or not sometimes when she has had a particularly bad day), with my hand held phone close to my ear. I hope I will not need to put her in a nursing home, and due to the severity of her health problems anticipate that she will instead pass on to that better place within the next several years, where she will not longer have to endure daily pain. I also have Power of Attorney, and I am named to make that life altering decision if needed on her Living Will, and I am named as a co-owner on financial accounts,there is no-one else as my sister lives on the other side of the country and my younger brother passed 10 years ago). The most difficult thing I deal with every day is the fear that I will not find her alive any given morning when I go to fix us breakfast, and watching the fiercely independent woman I have considered a role model all of my living years slowly deteriorate, and not being able to fix it, other than give her all of my love and support.
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Hi 'Carol Bradley', very nice and interesting article you have shared with us. Doing elder care is not an easy thing to do for everyone. As there are so many elder carers, but if you want that your loving ones would get the true affection and care, it is important to choose the elder care home wisely.
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Great article-and so very true that this piece of caregiving is one of the toughest. You almost develop a Pavolvian response of anxiety/sweating when the phone rings.
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My mnl lives with us n I wouldn't let her hold any copies of her Medicare card for it has her ss# it. Plus, she has lost her purse more than once in a store so I just put contact # in her purse. I also keep a copy of her SS# n medical cards with me n the originals at home. Those who live alone I guess would need their own cards for an ER situation.
The dependable replacement in case of ER sounds great n that is what we r still trying to do. However, some of these assisting Alz like to have a monthly TB test unless they r going to be long-term stay. Which is understandable in order to keep air-born disease away. However, that is mighty expensive, time consuming n not to mention even trying to get the physician to do it as needed n not counting the highly prices per-night (0ver $200.00) to place for short-period n case n ER situation if the caregiver is sick.
Are their any other options that wouldn't cost a arm & leg n how do you go about finding a in-house sitter for certain days? The Area Agency on Aging charges by household incomes n that includes all our incomes. I don't understand why they didn't just use the mom-n-law income only? This makes it harder to afford to get someone to come n help in order to get respite breaks or n ER situation. I even mention to them that my check barely pays for my medicine! I was lucky to get them to help locate a local church which I take her once a wk for four hours. However, with the weather getting colder it's going to be hard just to get her out to even go to a church respite center. We cannot use a Hospice for her dr mention that was used only for people who have 6months or less so that was out of the question n case of an ER situation. My health is not n the best shape n their will be another ER n I like to have most of my ducks in a row before that time happens again. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
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What is the difference between a power of attorney(POA) and a doable power of attorney (DPOA)? And when and how do you use them? Under what circumstances? Thank you.
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