I used to have a grandmother who passed away but drove very badly when she got old. She would go too fast and too slow and swerve right behind us when she was following us. She got into a lot of accidents while driving and would forget speed limits. Once she got very senile she would accidentally press the gas instead of the brake into her apartment building. She eventually gave up the keys once she realized how bad her driving was after a little while. She had a hard time giving up her independence but she decided to lend her car to us in the very end after she decided that her driving wasn't safe anymore. I have another grandma who could still drive but is nervous about her driving getting worse as she is aging but it isn't as bad as my older grandmother's driving was yet.

When my neighbor's informed me that mom could not get her car out of the garage. It wasn't a car problem. Mom kept forgetting to put the car in Park (in garage), it was an older car that allow the keys to be removed while in gear.

The neighbor's at first helped out in pulling the car out. Then mom would do her errands and park the car in the garage. At time she would remember to put the car in Park, and things would go ok.

The year before, I went on ride with her. She was ok, but barely. Once the neighbor's told me about helping mom, I asked her doctor about this situation. He informed me she had to stop driving. He submitted the paperwork to the DMV to suspend her license.

So I took mom's keys and informed her she cannot drive anymore. This went bad as you can image, very bad. She informed me she was a perfect driver, one the best drivers in town. When I brought up about an elderly friend killed in school crosswalk, she said that would never happen to her. I informed her she could loose her house because she could hurt/kill someone, she did not care. She had to drive! She refuse to believe in any facts that I informed her. The only thing she believe she was a great driver and she had to drive.

The funny thing she live close enough to walk to all her places of business. She also said this was a great town for her/anyone that they didn't need a car. After taking her keys, she had a Lock Smith come over and made her a new key. At this time, her dementia was moving into the advance stage. She was loosing her memory but she was resourceful.

My advise to anyone in a similar situation, don't be the bad guy. Get the DMV to say she needs to be retest for her driving skills and written test. Have the doctor sit down and say it is time to stop driving. Have a local police officer talk to her about a "reported" incident, and make recommendation to see her doctor about driving.

The thing with my mom, she continued driving with a suspense license. She did not believe any about her license status, because her license stated it would expire in several years. The social worker and the local police sat down with her and talked her in surrendering her license. Then the car stop working and the local auto mechanic quit making house calls.

Getting mom to stop driving and getting her into Memory care are the two hardest thing I ever done. I wish you luck.

The path to mom's diminishing freedom began when I refused to ride with her after 2 near misses on the interstate in one day plus her inability to hold her lane, sudden braking, irrational thinking as to navigating traffic that she vocalized. She continued to drive and I continued to follow her on my app just to keep an eye on her because she kept telling myself and others that she had to pull over bc she forgot where she was. She had to call an appt. because wouldn't ya know? All the building numbers have been changed and the office where her appt is doesn't have the same address as before. She took the time one day to write down all the steps she needed to take the next day to run a few errands with some significant life changing appts she kept secret or thought it was secret. I had to disable mom's vehicle and park another vehicle behind it. I knew she had several keys because my dad told me before he passed away. She refused to hand over her keys after her neuropsych evaluation results came back. The nurse literally called me with the sole purpose to tell me to take her keys right then and disable her car(because she wouldn't give them to me) because the neuropsychologist put in the report that she should not be driving under any circumstance. She refused to hand over her keys. When trying to have the conversation with her- she shrugged (still does) when asked if she thinks about the fact that others could be hurt or killed, that it isn't only her safety at stake. Really---she shrugs and says she doesn't care, she wants her keys back. She gave me one key. She kept telling me for 2 months that was the only one she had. She lied to friends of our family that she had given me all the keys she had. So, she was admitted to the hospital for a very serious situation. The night she was admitted, I searched her room and found 4 other keys to her vehicle. (within 5 minutes) One was in her wallet she carries with her everyday. Now, I know she wants to drive, but it isn't safe for her or anyone else and frankly, the doctor told me that in this state, because I had knowledge of the report, that I was liable should she hurt another person if I continue to allow her to drive. I don't care what anyone says here and I read quite a few posts. I know what is best for my mom and I'll be darned if anyone is going to sway me on this. Trust me, people in my family are divided over the whole thing and I could care less. Until they come live with her and see how progressed her dementia is, how impaired she really is and has been for several years... I simply don't have time for criticism of that magnitude topped with self-righteousness.

Many Occupational Therapy departments offer Driver Safety Evaluation Programs.

Surprising to me that some adult children think they have an obligation to just "take the keys" from a aged parent (which may, in some cases, be illegal.) An older person might not recognize (or just not admit to himself) all his problems driving. But he is not an adolescent, ignorant of driving skills and rules, or basically unconcerned about the well-being of others.

Driving is the very representation of independence and freedom for American adults! No wonder a parent so strongly resists giving up their car. Perhaps a trusted physician can point out the limitations an older driver faces. Some places, the AAA provides a class especially for senior drivers.
Younger family or friends should at least offer, when time permits, to drive a parent where he/she needs to go. But often, like it or not, an older person just MUST give up driving.

Other than shopping or appointments, a thoughtful, and possibly .enjoyable offer, is to just take a person for a drive in the countryside, or to see places of importance to him in the past. It can bring to mind good shared memories. It is also a way for seniors to remedy some of the loneliness or boredom of a home-bound existence.

#1 is there for a reason. Driving into the wrong lane. Many of us, including me, know of at least one incident. I had a friend killed just before Christmas, on his way to his family gathering for Christmas, when a 90 year old let his car wander into the oncoming lane causing a head on collision. It killed the old man instantly as well as my friend and put his wife in the hospital. Gone in a second. My 93 year old neighbor was still driving, even though his retired son and his family where living with him. He decided to drive several hundred miles to see friends in Texas, and they LET him go. He made it just four miles. Car left the road, into a deep ditch. His son found him on his way to a local store. Lived for two days in the hospital with several broken bones before passing. Said he wasn't sure what happened but no other cars were involved. My sister age 77 living in assisted living with dementia knew about 3 years ago that something was different, something might be wrong. She got into her car to back out of the drive but the car wouldn't move. She called her son, living with her with his wife and son, out to see what was wrong with her car. She hadn't started it, key wasn't even in the ignition and she made the decision after other telltale signs that she should quit driving. Please tell folks not to make the selfish decision to keep driving when they know things aren't right. Its more than concern for your friend or relative, its concern for making a selfish decision to put others in danger. As an aside, my mother passed in 2006, age 90. She never learned to drive and never thought much of it, even though we lived in a rural area without public transportation. Family, neighbors and taxi service in a town of ten thousand. She lived her last years in a senior living complex in town. Walking distance to supermarket and downtown stores and a senior bus for longer trips. It was.....perfect, and she loved it.

It is so sad reading all these comments. however, I become more and more thankful for freedom. i realize more and more how very precious and enjoyable freedom truly is.I dread losing it. What a horrible existance it must be to have children telling onewhat to do instead of asking for advice; tellingone where and when to go, whether or not to drive , etc. However, I am just going to appreciate and enjoy my life more and more; never take all my pleasures for granted, and trust God with my future.Most of all, i am going to continue avoiding taking any meds other than antibiotics for any bacterial infections. May God have mercy.

O. my goodness! A person of any age exhibiting any of the symptoms you describe is obviously a person who should have stopped driving a long while previously! ! ! Many older people are very safe drivers; much safer than the average young driver. However, people of any age who are taking lots of different meds and or strong mind altering meds should not be driving.I am a very extremely safe driver at 86 partly because i am very careful, partly because I drive only in my neighborhood and only in good weather and in low traffic, and mostly because I take no meds.I hope and pray that when and if I become an unsafe driver, I will give away my car and rely on cabs and home deliveries.Right now, I am tentatively planning to drive only 2 more years even though my D. L. is valid for 4 more years. Love to all

You can't "think" it's ok for your parents to drive and let them get behind the wheel-you have to know they and others will be safe. My father is very upset with me right now, first for moving him and second for taking his keys/car away. This is very hard for us both. Everything falls on me, including having to drive him to every place he needs to go. When I became concerned about his driving I got in the car with him so that I could see firsthand how he was doing. It was eye-opening. If you won't let your kids/grandkids ride in the car with this person, please don't let them on the road where they can hurt or kill someone else's children.

I signed my grandma up for a membership with Arrive – arriverides.com. She can call them and they’ll dispatch her an Uber or Lyft car – much faster and more affordable than a taxi or Senior Shuttle service. She refuses to use a smartphone, so it's literally designed for her.

Enter the coupon code RIDE for a free month’s membership. My grandma loves it and it's made the transition from taking her license away seamless.

My peace of mind knowing I will not get that horrible phone call saying my mother was killed in a vehicle accident is.... priceless it's a hard subject but some times a daughter or son has to be responsible and make the decision that best protect there loved one.best decision I have made so far on this journey!!

Thanks everyone for stories which sound familiar! My heart is breaking for my dad. My sis laughed when dad was license testing and not only hit a cone but dragged it 10 feet, all I could think was that could have been a stroller

Just FYI, I asked DPS for confidentiality and first thing he did was tell my father that I wrote them, huge argument at DPS!

I think driving 1.)around the corner to put a little gas in car,for fresh air is fine, late 70s, to upper 80s.I really do. 2.)Corner store/and or supermarket 1 to 2 blocks away, if you're having a light bout of dementia going on,but remember MOST things,and are not yet dealing with full blown Alzheimer's,as i know a few who are doing this,and are seventy to eighties,able to drive, close near home,still live at home,or run to the bank with the wife, who might not drive. I understand it,and as a younger adult child between mid 30s-40s i get it,why especially DAD is used to being free independent and love driving. I think again it is fine as long as also an ADULT child is near by living around parents is helpful,and or visit daily or few x a week et.al., i think it is ok. For some.Not all.God bless us all.

Medical personal need to do more to help families with these issues. They need to have a form that automatically goes to the police or whatever dept. related to licences that initiates a letter that says a person MUST go in for a driving test..written & driving. Not just for the very elderly but anyone with addictions, severe health issues. Keep it simple, but do it. Just a letter of 'concerned that this person may not have the nec. skills to keep the privilege of driving"

When i talked to my dad about taking his keys, he was livid. i couldn't deal with losing a relationship with my father. so after watching a video i suggested he take a driving class and let them decide if he should keep his keys. it has worked for us. saving others on the road and our relationship.

I'm glad you're okay. If you do a search on driving, there are a number of articles on this problem. I feel like I've ranted until I'm blue in the face (on the forums), and it truly amazes me that so many ADULT children just can't deal with a parent's disappointment, temper tantrum, anger, etc. "What can I do?" or something similar is a common phrase. One woman's solution was a gps she could attach to her dad's car so she could see where he was from another state! I'm not sure how she thought that was going to keep him from running into something or someone. But I've reached a point where nothing surprises me because people are in so much denial and don't want to deal with this. It's easier to look the other way and hope for the best.

It doesn't surprise me that the elderly woman was angry at you. She's not thinking right; otherwise, she would have felt horrible. I feel sorry for her, but that doesn't excuse the fact that she's still driving. I hope you got her license plate and reported her.

Today was nearly hit on my bike by an old woman wh had no idea she had done a anything wrong.

After going past me with only a couple of centimetres gap she proceeded to stop in the middle of the road, then pulled out and stopped at a junction, I came up next to her and said her driving was bad she said 'my indicator was on' and then proceeded to abuse me and drove off.

Waste of time trying to talk to these people, even when they kill they have no insight that it is their fault.

Then, Janny, you need to report him, because he's going to hurt himself and/or someone else. I just talked to a friend who was living in another state, but came home and talked to a lawyer or judge about making sure his mother was no longer allowed to drive after she hit a crossing guard at one of the schools and kept on going! Fortunately, that person wasn't badly injured, but as my friend said, it could have been a child and what if that person had been killed or, worse yet, maimed for life. Okay, you and others are saying, my parent has only dented another car or a sign, but once you know they aren't driving safely, what are you waiting for? A human being? I told my friend that a lot of people were worried because their parent might be angry or upset, and he said, too bad. We're talking about being responsible to our community. And the DOT should be ashamed for only requiring a written test after a certain age. My mother passed her's in her late 80s when she had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's!! Fortunately, I talked my dad into taking the keys away from her. Yes, she was angry, but there are no regrets, and she got over it! Be strong and think about how you'd feel if some elderly, incompetent driver injured someone you love because the family didn't want him or her to be unhappy.

My dad will be 86 on July 7th. He just got new glasses so I think his vision is ok, but he does have a mild cataract in one eye. He drives very slowly, makes quick decisions to change lanes and has had 2 recent accidents, if you can call them that. Backed into a lady in Wal Mart's parking lot (not damage to her truck) and then at the dump he failed to put his truck in Park (had to get out of the truck to pay) but put it in Reverse instead. It took off backwards, hit a couple signs and hit a barrier and came to a stop. The main problem is he drinks. He goes out in the morning and buys a 12 pack of beer and maybe a bottle of cheap wine and then comes home and drinks all afternoon. He doesn't drive anymore that day but it is every day. He has to take a written driver's test and I am hoping he fails it. He has dementia too and I don't know if he can remember the answers to some questions. I too am an only child (my siblings have passed away) and so it all falls on me and by proxy my husband who my dad listens to better than me. Not looking forward to taking his keys away. I think he is already depressed (who wouldn't be; everyone else has died) and I also think he may drive w/o a license.

Lately my 95 year old mom (with Alzheimer's) has been saying, as I'm driving us somewhere, "Oh Anne, I need to learn to drive again!" That's right after, "Now I know why your father won't let me drive anymore. I'd be lost!"

When the auto body man calls your brother and tells him " My kids can go to community college, they don't need to go to Harvard!' Your Mom has paid me in cash the last 3 accidents so you don't find out about them! Get her off the road before she kills herself or others!"

Captain, LOL, good point :)

if you have to buy a 30 foot log chain to keep dragging their car out of the fence that might be a good indication too ..

That list could also be geared for young drivers who are busy texting on their cellphones/iPhones/tablets/whatever its called now a days.

My Dad [92] keeps saying he wants to start driving again after stopping 5 years ago, mainly saying it to guilt me into taking him more places. Sorry, I can't take time off from work to go to Home Depot and after 2 hours you only buy a light bulb and a tube of Epoxy :P

I've seen my parents using grocery carts around the grocery stores, there is no way they will get behind the wheel. Thank goodness Mom has common sense and will stop Dad from the foolishness if he wants to drive some place.

Told Dad if he and Mom had moved to that really nice retirement community, he could take the community bus every day to go somewhere. They choose not to move... thus they need to the take the responsibility that comes along with their choice..

Great article. I am going through this right now with my 85 year old dad. In 2013, while he was in ICU with multiple organ failure, his driver's license was suspended. He had failed to provide a statement from his eye doctor. He spent 3 weeks in ICU, 4 weeks in long term acute care and 7 months in in a nursing home for rehab. He has been out of nursing home 7 months. He wants to start driving. After cataract surgery, the eye doctor says he can pass the eye exam for his driver's license, he completed the necessary forms. He does not even need glasses. Several other doctors have advised him not to drive. It would be convenient for him to drive and I understand this is his independence. Even before his illness last year, several people commented on his driving. Not sure what to do. I am an only child, so I am already "the bad guy".

I have taken care of his bills and most of his financial affairs for several years. I do have POA.

Wow, this article and list are fantastic.....wish I had had it about ten years ago! It will be extremely helpful to families currently dealing with this issue. When adult siblings disagree about whether "it's time", this list can be brought to a family meeting, and items can be discussed one by one. Great way to break through denial, if there is any. This is a public safety issue first and foremost.

I just went through this with my dad yesterday. He and my mother recently moved into assisted living partly because he has been suffering from shingles and its pain for over two months and my mother has dementia. My dad will be 88 this month and up until he took a major fall from a combination of dehydration and medication, he had been driving.

His car was full of dings, although when my husband and I rode with him we both thought he was careful and seemed to be okay to drive locally. A friend of his reported the same thing. But, I also knew his vision in one eye wasn't good and as he got weaker from shingles I really started to worry about having him on the road.

When he went to the hospital for a couple of days he allowed me to take his car and I used it to run errands for him and my mom as well as take them to doctor visits. Dad was fine with that and actually told me he was giving me the car, but he would probably like to have it a couple of days a week to run his own errands.

I told him that he needed to get well before that would happen, but to be honest, this seemed like the ideal time to stop his driving. The AL facility will take my parents to doctor appointments and every week there is a bus that will take anyone who wants to go around to the two grocery stores in town, as well as Walmart, Walgreens, etc. I have two brothers and the 3 of us have each put $100 into an account for my parents so they can buy prepaid tickets for taxi service. I notice that a lot of the elderly in our community use this and the drivers are extremely helpful in carrying packages and assisting their customers in and out of the cab. As you can tell, we are fortunate to live in a community that has lots of services for the elderly!

Of course, I'm also happy to drive my parents places, just not at the drop of a hat. I take them to doctor appointments where I think it's important for me to involved, as in discovering my dad wasn't getting enough fluids or food, causing a lot of his problems with falling!! But, I also want them to be more independent of me and learn to use all the available modes of transportation.

I can only imagine how difficult it must be to not be able to hop in the car and go, so my heart goes out to them. I know this is extremely hard for my dad, but I also feel he's not safe as a driver and I would be extremely irresponsible in allowing him to continue.

So I was surprised when he pulled into my driveway with a friend last night. He said he wanted to talk to me and one of the things he wanted was his checkbook so he could pay some bills. This is something I've been helping him with and both of our names are on the account, but it's his money so I didn't argue. THEN he said he would like to have his car a couple of days a week so he could run errands and without any hesitation I said "no." I'll admit I was upset with him already for a number of things not related to the car and that probably made it easier for me to stand my ground. Also, I have the only set of keys!

I'm fortunate that my dad does not argue with me or get angry, but he can be very manipulative. I told him that I didn't think it was safe for him to be driving and it wasn't fair to other people. Then I asked him exactly when he though he would give up driving and, of course, he didn't know. I talked to his friend later and he told me that while I was getting the checkbook Dad said to him, "well that was short and sweet--she said "no." And thankfully, his friend backed me up.

I won't be surprised if my dad brings this up again and he probably won't be surprised when I say "no" again.