Taking care of my parents for five years was exhausting and very difficult since i had my own health issues but when i received praise from my siblings it was a boost, but what wasn't a boost was praise that didn't mean anything when i could no longer care for my parents anymore and requested help. Words are wonderful and all but really don't mean a darn thing in the sense that a person gives up a part of themselves to deal and handle another person's life. After what i have been through with my siblings, i don't trust anyone. Kind words or not, do what you can as a good person, but just remember words are just words. Word of advice for all the empathic goats of the family, when sister and brother are praising you or even mom and dad or granny how thankful they are, test the waters a bit and take them out of their comfort zone to see just how thankful they are. Ask for their assistance on small jobs and by small i mean, coming over to relieve you, being the one to wipe poo up or clean the house the elderly live in, or taking them around to appointments--the worst of the jobs, NOT EASY ones. Please do this. Establish from the beginning you will not do this on your own and do NOT under any circumstances let another sibling who is NOT doing the physical part of the work take over the financial as a job for them to do. The minute you stop or can't help anymore true colors come out of what job they really thought you were doing and its not all rainbows and unicorns. People are fake. Do not let a relationship establish that puts you as the full time or even part time laborer of your siblings. Make them step up from the very beginning, don't be the mat or the nice guy and say, "no don't worry about it, you have kids i understand or you work full time i understand or you moved three states away right when parents took a turn for the worst...i understand." Don't understand! treat the care of your parents as a business transaction or you will be sorry and be the one worse off. YOU COME first not your siblings because when all is said and done nice words mean nothing in the end when you are the one left worse off and your siblings have prospered on your kindness. If you are truly appreciative actions mean way more than words. Don't even bother with words if you aren't willing to step into someone's place with assistance.

ladee, you know just how to put it into words sometimes. I have left the house several times in the past just to breathe when all the smalll positive stuff gets overruled by the negative stuff. Then I try to refocus that it is not healthy for myself so I go back to find one small thing to be thankful in order to hang on to that thread so that I can continue to help the mil.

"somedays we are just grateful we didn't kill something" -- laughing out loud, ladee. And you are so right!

I have kept a gratitude journal since I was 17, I will soon be 62, so I am practiced at seeing the little things, does it work every single day, NO, and there are days I don't have time to actually write it down, but I try to remember them... they are in short hand sometimes.... when S and I get to laugh, I am grateful, when M doesn't ride my ass all day, I'm grateful, am I a Pollyanna, UH, NO WAY, but having done this for so long, it just comes as natural as breathing.... so I feel the suggestions can be tweeked to fit our situations.... we just have to find a way.... and I do... I'm important too... not everyday is roses and lollipops, some days I'm a bigger b*tch than M.... but I can be grateful, no matter what, I didn't disrespect her... I was a b*tch in my mind.... so for those who haven't given it a try, try it, it will and does lift your mood, most times, not all the time... somedays we are just grateful we didn't kill something.... hugs to you all...

Vic, I agree that this is just a reminder to appreciate the little things when you can. I try to every morning get up just a bit earlier than mil so I can enjoy my coffee, sat outside n listen to the birds singing n breathing in the fresh air. That way, I have set myself up at least for the begining to be a positive day. It usually will rub off on the mil unless she is in one of her very difficult moods. yet, I give her some space, argue with her a little even though it does no good n try again later to help her feel comfortable n self-worthy with a positive mindset. However, today was not a good day for her n she wanted to argue about anything suggested and even with her son. Come to find out later that she was a bit constipated so hopefully that will be corrected by tomorrow. ; )

I think the list is just in an effort to help us see that gratitude comes in many forms and many moments throughout the day and night. Most of us have ways of dong that.
For some who are so consumed by the day and night work..don't think to stop or drive a little slower or even realize there are gratitude moments throughout the day. These suggestions are one way of doing that..who has time to write down things throughout the day! Not me! But ya know..I can be more aware of those moments. a friend called me the other day to ask how I was doing.. We talked a long time..lucky parents didn't need me at that moment..even though we have our own little lives she took the time out for me. I appreciated that.
Anyway for me this article was a good reminder to appreciate the little things no matter how tired, worn out,or how much I am hurting.

Um, excuse me, I've been a caregiver for 9 years and I do not have a mood or anxiety disorder. I have a boatload of a extremely hard work. I have enormous sadness over continuing losses. I have frequent struggles over obtaining resources. I'm moderately optimisitc and often grateful.

I love it how other people ... usually those not holding a full-time job and also shouldering full-time responsibility for another adult ... assume our time is endlessly expandable. Just stick in an 8-minute session for thinking pleasant thoughts of what we should be grateful for. Would that replace one of the three 8-minutes exercises my PT has recommended for pain control? Or maybe I could give up washing my face and brushing my teeth. Or I could tell my loved one, "I can't help you now, dear, I have to think pleasant thoughts for another 4 mintues."

I know, I know, "It is just 8 minutes. Surely everyone can devote just 8 minutes to something that will be good for them." Um, no, time does not expand in the day just because what you want to do with it would be a good thing to do.

Anyone who has read extensively on these discussion boards for more than a few weeks knows that the distribution of mortal guardian angels is not equitable or universal. If you have ;em, thank 'em. But it is exactly the lack of this support that is disheartening for so many caregivers.

I am certainly not opposed to being grateful and celebrating the random moments of joy that accompany caregiving. I do it all the time. I recommend it. I just find this list lacking in comprehension of what a caregiver's life is like. We are not in a therapuetic setting. We're in the trenches.

This list may be absolutely ideal for an in-patient treatment center for those suffering from anxiety and mood disorders. I wish it were a little more specific and realistic for caregivers.

Excellent article! Thanks for the reminder to stop and appreciate the little moments. No matter how difficult we have it,there are times of laughter and smiles. The sunrise or sunset a moment of silence..a moment that u can sit and breath...

Oops, I forgot 2-1-1. Just call 211 on your telephone, and you will get more information and referral services from the Texas Health and Human Services Commission. The service is supposed to have information about all of the programs in your area although, like anything else, perfection may not happen. Still, it is likely the easiest and best place to start. (Sorry I had to write *War and Peace* before I remembered it.)

Good luck, Kitty. Hang in there!

Hi, Neighbor! I'm just down the road a piece--in Houston. Texas-sized hugs!

Kitty, I looked at your county and city web sites, which don't seem to be very helpful. I would, however, suggest you try to contact the United Way offices (info on your county web site) and see what programs they support for elder care. Try to get past the receptionist to talk to someone who has knowledge of local programs and can give you some idea of whom to call. You might also try the local Red Cross offices. They will be more concerned about emergency planning, but you have emergency transportation concerns because of hurricanes and "by the way" you also need medical transportation now.

When I tried to find an Area Council on Aging for you, I was surprised to find that the Harris County Area on Aging covers Brazoria County as well. It might be worth looking in to their various programs to see what might be of help. I do know that there is a transportation program, although I've lost the exact link. When I needed their help, the program seemed quite reasonable but, for my situation, seemed a little "Catch-22" (I can't leave my mother alone, I couldn't at that time get her into the car because she had fallen and hurt her knee, but they wanted me to come in person to pay the--very modest--copay for the service). If you are calmer than I was at the time and can work through their system, they may be able to help you get what you need.

You might also consider elected officials as a resource. They have staff members who are supposed to provide "constituent services." Very often that's simply a matter of information and referral (which you need), but sometimes it includes adding a little pressure to move things forward (which you may need someday). Contact your city council members, county commissioners, state representative and senator, U.S. congressman and senators, more or less in that order. If the programs exist, they should be able to find them for you. If the programs don't exist, they need to know that there is a need for them. (Sorry, I am a bit of a policy geek.) And don't worry if you didn't vote for any of them; they'll never know. ;)

Sorry about your young'uns. It's hard enough to take care of your husband without the added burden of feeling abandoned by those who you think should be sharing the burden. You are so loving to give your husband this care. Do take care of yourself as well.

Here are a few more hugs for later on. Apply as needed.

've been taking care of my bedridden husband for over 2 yrs now and i'm all alone. i don't know what i'm doing half the time. this is the hardest job i've ever done. m kids won't isit or barely talk to me cuz everybody wants him in a nursing home except the 2 people it's affecting the most. me and him. we're gona make it but i;m getting tired of having to fight with the drs and family and just everyone. i need some help i think. we can't qualify for help on transpotation because were on medicare and not medicade. he's missed 7 appts and we hae no way to get there. does anyone know anyway we can get transportation to and from the drs appts. we live in brazoria county, angleton, tx.