I have reached the point of not being able to relax. Even when I get a chance to step away my chest never unclenches which I know isn’t good. It seems I’m always waiting for the next shoe to drop.

Expectations on family caregiving are so ridiculously high these days. I think poor health of the younger caregiver will shortly be the next big medical issue.

What a great article to put a spotlight on what caretakers go through. And yes usually it is down to just one person in the family that steps up. I'm trying very hard to keep my wits, and high spirits up. My mom is 93 and is going downhill. She can be nice but then turn very agitated and crotchety very fast. She will not get a hearing aid and the other day when I tried to ask her something 3 times she said she couldn't understand me - I had a squeaky voice. I told her - no you need to get a hearing aid - you are always blaming others for your problems! It gets very frustrating dealing with old, stubborn and I hate to say somewhat ignorant people! She has taken over my home, kitchen, t.v. and tries to control my life. But that is not going to happen. I work F/T and will try my best to assist her but I will not give up my appointments and time with my friends anymore. I need someone my own age (I'm 59) to talk to and enjoy their company. And yes a day away for a relaxing facial, acupuncture, massage, etc. I plan to take care of myself from now on as I was only doing for her in my spare time. So everyone take care of yourself. I had gotten shingles, eczema, heart palpitations and felt exhausted all the time. If I go first - she's really screwed. And I get little to no assistance from a brother that lives 15 minutes away. Peace to the caretakers!

I am a caregiver for my adult brother who uses a wheelchair and lives with me. I also work full time and will be addressing a group of about 200 caregivers about stress management. I will use some of your comments to reinforce my message that you MUST take care of yourself to keep caregiving! Thank you....

I am giving a talk to caregivers about Stress management and I am a caregiver myself for my adult brother who has cerebral palsy and uses a wheelchair and lives with me. I will be taking some of your comments to share with this group of about 200 caregivers so they realize how important it is to care for yourself!

The link to caregivers physical and mental wellbeing is quite well documented in the research. Caregiver burden and feelings of depression are well linked particularly in carers who a ill-prepared for the task. Good news though - making time for yourself by re-engaging your leisure activities, eating well and incorporating exercise has been demonstrated to clearly reverse those trends!

I have been a caregiver for my husband for the past six years. It is definitely taking a toll on me. 3 of my children live 1 hour away, but i get zero help from them. One son flys in from another state every 2 months to do home repairs or whatever else i need done. I have paid for someone to come in, just so i can get out and go grocery shopping or to the hairdresser. He manages to be nasty to them, calling them names or pushing them, or telling them he doesn't need them to get out of his house. Needless to say they don't want to come back. I have severe osteoarthritis and osteoporosis and my weight has dropped significantly.
My blood pressure is high and i am severely depressed. I will probably go before him.

Neither one of my parents looked after their parents to the extent that I look after them, and back when their parents were alive, my parents were both in good health. I am not and it is really affecting my health. I keep getting notices from doctors about how my checkups are overdue. As soon as I get ready to make an appointment, I end up taking my mother instead.

As a full time Caregiver to My Mother Who had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's in mid 2013, Im aware just how demanding this role is. We Caregivers do NOT apply for this role, but it is thrust upon Us when We' never saw it coming. Mum is 86 years, and a real sweetheart. She's so thankful for all I do, and keeps telling Me, there's a place in Heaven waiting for You, but I care for Mum with great affection, and love and NOT just a sence of duty alone. I've found My own Family play a spectator role, and offer no assistance to Mum or Me, this is burning Me out, since Im given no time out for Myself to shoot the breeze, and chill out, but I have promiced Myself that I will keep strong in mind, and withstand the trials that Azs throw at Me, as I must be well to take care of My por Mother. Mum would not wish to be put into a Care facility, nor could I afford it, since in Ireland today..Care homes charge crippling fees, eg €53,000 per year. However I am aware that when Mum enters the later stages of Azs, She will require professional care, then I will have no other choice. All I can do between now and then is My very best, and just take it ONE DAY AT THE TIME.

You're right leaky. Spouses experiance it all through their husband or wife and get to worry about them too.

No one has any idea of the stress a caregiver goes through better than a male spouse fromthehousework to health care and the continuall night wandering there does not seem to be enough hours Ina day together it all done .trying though

My dad is almost 86 and drinking himself to death. So i get to deal with his hoarding, his health, his finances and his drinking. He wants no help from anyone except me and my husand. I am the only surviving child. I live 90 min. away. I have RA and cannot do the work i used to. He says let it go. Wont pay a yard person. Wont pay for in home help. So i am just waiting for him to do something that changes the situation. Yesterday i drove down to his house. He had cleaned out the wood stove and put the ashes in a cardboard box. I saw the stove was c k ean but didnt think about the ashes. Went to store and came back and smelled smoke. Yep. Box on fire. Lickily it was out in the yard but it was very windy ad embers culd have blown and perhaps started a fire. He says it was no big deal. He is so stubborn. I am exhausted, gaining weight and my RA is flaring up.

Almost 10 yearrs of care, even with sitters and AL, my stress level is out the roof. As the article notes people live longer with debolitating illness now than ever before and a whole new life phase for most people, careging. It is frustrating, overwhelming, life-altering, costly, and thankless. All I ever hear are endless demands for more assistamce and attention. My mother has decided the best way to get attention us to "fall" and say she hit her head. Then badgers the ER nurses to call us to come be with her. (we have quit going so as to avoid repeats) So far in about 20 ambulance trips to the ER she has never had one red mark, bruise, or any other issues found. They cat scan her head and take blood and send her back to AL...all at taxpayer expense. The hospital whete she used to be would keep her for a week to do additional testing. Nothing ever found but never got her out of bed, no PT or other exercise, so she would end up in rehab getting over the hospital stay. All at tax payer expense. Can you spell frustrating? to the max???