Wanda, have you looked into what services are available to your husband? In my state there are county wide senior services and town based senior services. You should see exactly what he and you are eligible for. Sometimes, the services are prorated based on income. And when working with your spouse, try to give him a choice of two things rather than an open ended question. I remember a time when my spouse dragged his feet over getting an air conditioner. He didn't feel the need for one. It was purchased the day I offered him the choice of whether we would buy it before or after dinner:) So, think of an impasse and ask yourself how to frame the action question so that you get the work done and your spouse has a choice in the matter.

Thank you for this positive article. Very helpful. Perhaps a link or two to sites that list supportive services for those who don't have other family to provide those blocks of time. I had a friend who was sole caregiver to her husband. She was finally able to attend church when he entered hospice. Wouldn't it be nice if she could have done that all along? We need to brainstorm on how to make caregiving less overwhelming. This forum is a good start!

the reason why we are healthy enough to take care of our loved one is because of a higher purpose. Illness is not something we choose to have so you can imagine how the afflicted who may have once been very independent, athletic or active would have felt - helpless and powerless. While caregivers need respite let's not forget to put ourselves in their shoes and feel their plight too.

Very good article! And the 7 points are good advice.

I know, though, that dementia is a huge game-changer. This article is perhaps a bit less relevant for caregivers of spouses who have dementia. Some of it applies, though -- like get respite!

This was very helpful to me. I am taking care of my husband who has forgotten how to swallow and puts forth little efftort to do the exercises he is supposed to do to help it come back. I never had to do much of anything.......this whole caretaker thing has been a huge learning curve for me. I think I do most of the things you suggest. I do worry about my health as we are both 77.....almost 78. The closest relative lives 60 miles away. I do almost everything and I hate to say it, but things do have a way of piling up and becoming overwhelming. We are not wealthy and paying to have a lot done is out of our range. The drought here in Calif. has not helped one bit. I think the hardest part for me, at this time, is knowing that I am generally a glass half full kind of person and DH is the total opposite. I do believe in Karma, so I just want to get this right.......LOL! Don't want to come back and do it all over......perhaps in worse conditions.....I have learned that some "me Time" is essential and while I can't turn DH over to someone else to take care of, I have managed to schedule his tube feedings, medicine and water for times that leave me a bit of "free me time". I spend the mornings taking care of business and then tend to wind down in the afternoon. Any running around I have to do is usually between 12:30 and 3:00........"me time".
Thanks for letting me unload and thanks for letting me read your situation. My DH and I were not perfectly matched, but seemed so at the time we did the deed. However, now it's pretty evident that we only really have each other and that makes for an emotional tie that's become pretty strong. We each have our occasional flare-ups, but they are becoming less powerful and end quicker.......Wendi

It was a good article. What do you do when you are caring for a partner who is obsessed with sex but suffers with erectile dysfunction and you never can get sexual satisfaction. His doctor prescribed Viagra but this drug only works 6 to 8 hours later and you the caregiver continue to be frustrated?

This article was very encouraging as my spouse is 80 and I am 66. It seems as if changes are happening very often. Dizzy spells, weakness, zoning out,hearing loss, grumpy moods, non comprehension to what I am saying. My patience is being so tested! My love is there, together 19 yrs. but I am feeling at a loss as of what to do. My hints, suggestions, and out right demands to see a doctor are met with ambiguous answers. I feel guilty for being discouraged. I only get results by having big blow up on my part which I detest and feel so beaten down for allowing my anger to explode. The promised changes only last a week or so. There are days when that I actually hope that I go first, even being 13 yrs younger so as not to be so stressed at my inability to see that my spouse gets all the benefits and care needed by doctors and checkups. Any advice would be advantageous, thank you.

I not only care for my husband but for my mother as well who has ALS it has been 14 years and oh did I say I also work ft and have three kids . These things are easier said than done I have no one that helps family or friends just recently got hospice to do showers ( that's it) there nurse and soc. Svc. Visits are actually more of a pain. Tried respite that was a joke nursing home was a dump! I've given up !

Thank you for the information and inspiration. This article helped me to see my role as a caregiver to my husband in a more positive light. These past nine years had begin to be overwhelming but I am seeking all the information and education I can now so I can thrive and not just survive!!