Talk about being in denial ... it was a pattern before she had the current problems, long ago. Now, w/her confusion, she's sure that her patterns (crochet, knit, etc) are "wrong! all wrong!" when she can't understand them. She cannot admit she might be confused.

Wow, thanks a lot. i do not have the part F that is the mnl medicare insurance for I just have A & B. However, thanks for advice about the insurance when hubby gets ready to retire. I know that Cobra crap want n arm & leg. I was told to check out Blue Cross Blue Shield in Ga.
As for mnl leaving that ain't happen. I already said that i would try to take care of her until it got like she needed an I.V and stuff. Of course, I have helped her when she had a cathered in her and that was a mess for she had to keep it in and kept clean for a week. Guess who was the lucky one that got to clean the tushy area? That right, lucky me! The tip on house sounds like a good idea n I never thought of that either. As for property stuff n her Will, it is in my hubby, me and her Neice if she was to pass away. We are hoping that a NH will not be needed for they suppose to from what I heard do better healthy wise if they can stay home. I got my five break n it helped a lot. so maybe I will quit whinny like a maybe and just suck it up for awhile. We will more than likely move back into the little ole house of ours if she does have to go to the NH.
I am sorry that you were not able to use your mom as an independent on taxes. Plus, only 2 times a break, I have no idea how you done it. I may be able to go to Florida to see my family when hubby is out from teaching which is in one week. Maybe in June when i get back from Atlanta Piedmont for my 10 yr post kidney transplant, yeah...As for now, I think I will start paying her meds separate and from ours so that I can keep receipts of her med cost just in case for future purposes. I have been putting it on my visa n we pay pay it later. We might try to put her on our taxes this year too. Thanks for the tips for I truly do appreciate them.

OOOOO! you have a full-plate!
CUES for YOUR insurance coverage:
Right now, you on Medicare, but since your DH works, his insurance is your PRIMARY insurance--your Medicare only picks up AFTER thePrimary has paid what it will.
When he retires, you must immediately [if you can afford it], get either a "Supplemental" [like a "medigap"], or an "Advantage" Plan.
A Supplemental Plan allows you to travel where you like, and seek medical care from any Doc or CLinnic is appropriate, wherever accepts your Medicare.
That's the coolest thing about those--and the "Plan F", I think, is the most comprehensive, and costs somewhere about $200/month in addition to what is currently deducted from your SSDI check for Medicare.
UPON your Spouse retirement, IF you choose theSupplemental, you MUST immediately also get a "PART D" plan, for meds.
I got so frustrated trying to keep track of what plan covered what, I simply opted for the "Humana Walmart Part D", since it cost least [about $15/mo]
BUT...
IF you choose theADVANTAGE Plan, that is an HMO or PPO, and is limited to your local area approved Docs and facilities--if you travel, and need medical care, it HAS to be only gotten in an Emergency Room, or your Advantage Plan will refuse to cover it at all.
[Mom got stiffed for thousands out-of-pocket, when she needed care while visiting a relative out of State, and there was no E.R.--just the town clinic]
WHEN choosing an Advantage Plan, those automatically [I believe] also include a Part D coverage, so it is all in one lump sum.
I finally opted for a local Advantage Plan--the cost was fairly do-able, and there are other plan s for when income is tighter, that cost less yet still get similar coverage [I went with Group Health where we are].
WHEN your DH retires, you need to get a letter from his employer that shows the dates that you were also covered under his insurance--It's called "CERTIFICATION OF ELIGIBILITY" letter, which the next insurer will need so you do not get charged penalties for failing to sign up with a Part D plan fast enough [that's another long story about how insurance industries got legislation to stick it to the "little guys" yet again!]
CUES:
RE: who owns what assets from real estate:
If I was in your shoes, would sure check elder laws where you are---you got a complicated case, being part-owners of your mnl's house-
--it may mean that if you sell it, you only might be obligated to use 1/3 of the proceeds to pay for mnl's upkeep in a facility [it's in you, your DH, andnl's names--that's 1/3 to each].
You are NOT obligated to use proceeds from sale of your OWN home to pay towards mnl's upkeep...
ESPECIALLY since you are disabled, and your DH ner retirement.
Guessing you are probly not far off from about $50,ooo / year income with both you and DH? [you do NOT need to answer that!--it's a for instance]
You'r mnl's income is only for her upkeep....
BTW--you are providing part of her upkeep---betting her SSI check does not go far enough for meds, meals, etc. supportive services.
OTH, we were not able to prove we provided 1/2 or more of Mom's upkeep, since she always insisted on getting and making her own food,
and while here, she was repaying money I had sent her for years, to help her.
Not rent, but since she was already "not-right-in-the-head", she always called it rent--even though we never asked her for it.
Because she told others she paid rent here, we had no papers that could help us prove we provided 1/2 or more of her upkeep--so we never could deduct her off our taxes as a dependent.
She had also let my youngest brother list her as living full time at their house [under her former married name]....and it sounded like she also knew they were using her as a tax deduction....if we had also claimed her, that would have got them in deep trouble.
And because of her paranoia and other mental issues, we were unable to get any other help except what we could very rarely pay for out of pocket...like hiring one of our sons' ex-roommates to stay here with her while we went away for a weekend, or when I managed to get one of my sibs to take her to their house for 3 days [which she remembered as a week].
Twice in 6 years, we got a tiny respite from her epic rages and rotten mind games. TOoooo long!
Don't you wait that long!
While the folks fromArea Agency on Aging can help point you in some good directions for getting help, you really need a Social Worker , and be really emphatic about letting that one know just how bad you need mnl to get placed elsewhere, as your health is being badly affected, etc.
I was not emphatic enough, and lacked the proper words to use, or when to use them...now Mom is outa here...so got that info a bit too late to help.
You and your DH are not obligated to allow a cared for Elder to ruin what's left of your health....and certainly not obligated to ruin your ability topnget meds forn yourself, or keep a roof over your heads.
HOUSE repairs:
BTW--check your community [and Area Ageny on Aging] about whether some groups do things to help low income, elderly or disabled people get repairs on their homes...you might be able to find some to help fix your house, so you can live in it. That might help you relaxe a bit, too.

I also receive a check for disability as well,not much yet better than nothing n I get medicare. Hubby is a school teacher so, we are not consider in the 'low income bracket.' Yet, middle class. His insurance help pays most of my meds but we still pay around 2-3G's a yr just for my meds alone n that includes generic. I take a lot of meds. That is why I worry and he will be retiring in 6yrs then what? Medicare is not going to pay for half the meds I am on and will be on for rest of my life. I worry a bit. I'm just trying to get organized and plan ahead for mnl, hubby and myself.

Chimonger, We have property that we can sale and a house that is in both my hubby name and his mom. We got her to update her Will with her old POA because of a relative that took advantage of her.
We probable will have to sale something or rent our house yet, it going take about 10G's to get it fix. We had swapped houses when she lost her husband the yr of 95 for she said, 'we could use a bigger house.' Now, we have her back living with us in her house. Our house across street where she was living needs a new cealing tile I guess that what you call it for it inside the backroom. For some reason some of the electrical stuff is messed up. I guess from just snatching it when she got frustrated. She does has her own ssi check that goes in her account. Hubby does take a little out when we spend on her meds and such but that is about it. (not sure about the legal stuff about dealing with that in case about medicade and still reading up on it for future ref).

I did have a lady from Area Aging Agency come by and done an assessment to get us some help for community activities. But, it will be like pulling teeth to get her to go. the lady suppose to come back and check too.

I like how you did the ;'Cue" and i'm going print it out for I had no idea you could get free papers from hospital for Advance director. Right now Im on my laptop right across sitting in front of mnl. I have started a 3" binder and divided it up into section to keep stuff in order for care taking has a lot information.
For instance,
Care taking tips, AD, Fiancial Service n programs, her personal financial ins and meds, respite care.
I finally told my hubby last night that I know it seems as if I complain sometimes when he gets home from work n its not fair to him either. But, I also told him that when your mom keep talking negative stuff and she be glad when she goes it just makes me more depressed and I already take anti-depression meds as it. Of course, he is just now taking the time to start reading the 365day book and helps somewhat. For he tries to talk to his mom n I am just as dumb trying to talk to her. I think we all could use some counseling or education... or maybe a vacation....
Please feel free and anyone else if they have any pointers for we can use them.
Thanks again.

lildeb, you sure have your hands, and stress levels, full up!
Sometimes, we get ourselves into caregiving someone, and learn we are always falling thru cracks between programs--too poor to afford needs, and too "rich" to qualify for helpful programs.
IF a caregiver is alone in their task, and not enough resources, ya kinda have to learn some tricks to take advantage of, along the way--cuz few will tell you certain words, phrases, or processes to use.
I learned the hard way, that when Mom was in hospital for a short stay, instead of simply asking for a psych eval for her,
CUE: I should have told the hospital she was not allowed to return to our home from there, that they now have her, and must find her a place
....that could not happen once she got back into our home, since the evaluations consisted of Social workers coming to the house, watching/hearing Mom tell her stories and behave reasonably "normal" for a couple hours, and state she didn't want to move anywhere, much less to a facility.
They could only take her word for things.
CUE: if you have to get your cared for person into some other facility than your home, do it while they are in the hospital.
CUE: if there is any bad behaviors by your [mnl??], make sure to document them on a calendar, or if real bad, call 911 to make a formal report in that system--then you have a legal track record of problems needing help.
CUE: Also, call Social Services.
Sometimes it takes LOTS of calls over time, to various offices, persons, and systems, to get resolution of problems
CUE: You as caregiver, especially with your own illnesses, are NOT obligated to use up your limited resources to care for someone else, no matter how much you love them, or what they used to be like.
It is a hard thing to learn, caregivers cannot go deep enough down someone elses pitfall, nor get miserable enuf, to help someone out...that is called "sympathy" when we try to join someone in their misery.
What DOES help, is "Empathy"--that is when we throw someone a life preserver, or put on our own oxygen mask first, or give someone suggestions how to help themselves--we can still have feelings for the person, but not the kind that destroys us both...
...to help anyone, we have to maintain our own selves, or we help no one.
I failed to consider that, when my Mom begged me to move her and her dying DH, to our house, in a crisis. So I did some heroic things to get them here.
Then hell started; I knew what was coming, but was unable to get my siblings to even cooperate while I did what was needed to do for Mom's best care.
Her resources COULD have provided nice for her, just about anywhere, for some time, if my siblings would have cooperated with rational planning, instead of listening to mom's dementia talking.
Truthfully, IF there had been more rational thinking in the beginning, I would have told Mom that her begging to live with us was unrealistic, since we had 2 of 3 people in our house disabled, and the 3rd one almost disabled, and too little resources to help her enough.
But I was not thinking straight then, either.
So I had to find an unconventional way to get her moved out of here, [long story not for here]
Your situation that is what it is, in this moment--no one gets "do-overs".
So that is where you must start, to evaluate what is needed, right now.
It sounds like you are on fairly low income, trying to take care of someone worse off than you, and going downhill trying to do that.
It sounds like your mnl [I do not understand that term] is at present, able to make some decisions, still.
Social workers can help you.
They might point you to other resource persons,
but start maybe with Social worker in your county,
maybe if you have Area Agency on Aging, or Hospice, or the Welfare office.
Call them, ask to talk with a Social Worker, need help!
Tell them your situation [you might have to tell every office you call, the way things are, so it helps to have a written down-script to follow, cuz sometimes it is hard to remember details to get teh points across, over and over.
Ask if there is any way to get help caring for your [mnl??], either in home, or by placing that person in a proper facility.
AND, while asking for help for your mnl, ask for help for yourself.
It sounds like you might be either needing some assistance,
or, will in the future--you can sure ask for future purposes!
---Be persistent, ask lots of questions, and keep information in a folder or big envelope so you can look things up as needed.
Welfare offices usually give out a list of ---County Community Services--
I just got lists for 2 counties near us, to help someone with--a wealth of information just on those papers.
Hospitals can give you a folder with paperwork about "Advanced Directives"--you can get one for you, and one for your mnl. Then sit together and fill out the forms that let Docs and Hospitals know what each of your wishes are "just in case" of an emergency".
If you mnl is in denial, yet still a bit rational ok, "plan things just in case"?
If it becomes an activity that "just makes sense for both of you" to "do right now, before an emergency happens",
then it is not seen by your mnl as a personal attack to deny, therefore hopefully would stop arguments.
The Advance Directive paperwork is free.
Social worker is free.
Many services to get help, are free, just gotta find them.
For people on disability:
they get Medicare.
But some regions do not allow Supplemental insurance, only Advantage Plans, which are like HMO's.
But it covers the medical, mostly, and if someone is also below income limits [check with Welfare Office], there are programs to pay the monthly fees and co-pays, insrtead of those getting deducted from their disability check or SSI retirement check.
If someone is NOT on Disability yet, BUT has conditions that prevent their working, AND are fairly low income,
Start with the Welfare Office, and talk with a Social Worker to explain your circumstances, and stress to them how badly you need a "safety net", due to your conditons, that you need help.
With plenty Medical documentation, like you must have for your conditions,
you could go to the Social Security Office near you, and get an application for SSDI. It is important for you to list as many diagnoses as you can [that you have], and be specific about your symptoms that get in the way of your working enough to pay for your basic needs. There are workers at the SSA offices that help people fill out applications...but it is up to each person to bring in either their records copies, or contact info so SSA can send for your records from all you can get them from.
Hope some of that helps.
{{{hugs!}}}
Be of good heart, and common sense--we each need to wear our own life preservers first!!

I know the main part of the article is about having your priorities in order for both the elderly that you are taking care of and as well for yourself if you were diagnose with early AD. However, it don't seem that simple. For you are using all their and mostly your own assest to take care of the elderly as the AD progressive. Where is all this $$ suppose to be coming from for ourselves if we become in this similar situation? Especially for those like us that have pre-existion conditions.

The article also mentions that, "Many people, when they are first told that they have early-onset Alzheimer's, remain in denial, refusing to acknowledge the disease and its consequences."
My mnl was diagnose with AD two years ago and still denies so, do they ever accept it? Would it make it any better for her or us if she did accept she AD or would it even really matter?


I hope I never get AD but, I know with my health record with Diabetes 1 over 35yrs, lupus sle and from taking transplant meds that I do have that possibility chance however, I know I don't need to worry about that for I have enough stress in my life.

Very good article!
When people are caregivers, it increases stress: increased stress can cause dementia or Alzheimers-like symptoms, as well as other possibles mentioned above.
It is a tricky business to differentiate between them.
It is absolutely necessary to remove stressors from someone affected that way, no matter what the eventual diagnosis is, to optimize the persons's health so they can slow any disease process, and optimize their own abilities as long as they can, and to assist them to put their affairs in order while they still can.
All that is nearly impossible when care-giving for someone else.
Bottom line, it is important for caregivers to have back-up plans for moving the person[s] they are caregiving for, somewhere else, or into a facility, if/when the caregiver becomes unable to provide realistic, safe caregiving for themselves or others.
Moving the care-given Elder elsewhere, is one step to decreasing stress in the affected Caregiver, to help determine the actual condition. Keeping supportive people around the affected person, and keeping them in familiar environ at least long enough to determine diagnosis, is also important.