This information does shed a whole new light on your situation. First, my total unconditional support to you, which was there before but I neglected to mention it. Second, Forgive me if my earlier message sounded critical in any way, that was not my intention at all but I realize it might have come across that way. Third, I'm SO happy to hear that she was willing to stay in the car this week....and last, I encourage you again to either get some professional help for yourself and/or get involved in giving/receiving peer support (e.g., local caregivers support group or National Alliance of Mentally Ill education for families of the mentally ill). This could make a significant difference in the quality of your life and the quality of your short-term and long-term health (physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health). I hear that your mother is abusive and I don't doubt it. Congratulations and admiration go to you for figuring out how to survive her abuse to live into adulthood. Now you are the adult and she is extremely dependent on you (just as you were normally/naturally dependent on her in your childhood). For her own narcicisstic reasons, she may be "trainable" to be less abusive and more reasonable if you are willing to make some changes in how you respond/react/interact with her....Maybe not, who knows, but some wise person told me, "If you always do what you always did, you always get what you always got..." Whether or not your mom can be "re-trained" to act differently, I think you could benefit from some extra support and I KNOW you deserve it. PLEASE, PLEASE seek it out and receive it. Then, someday, you might be in a position to pass it forward to someone else. All the best to you.
My mother stayed in the car this week and let me go in and get her groceries. My situation is such that she has to make her own life style changes or she does stupid stuff if I push her. Our trip to the store a week ago was so awful, I think she figured out that she was going to have to adjust. So she came up with the new solution -- stay in the car while I go in. It works for me.
You are darned right I am oozing resentment. I hate taking care of her because she has a personality disorder and cannot see beyond her own narcissistic world. Everything she does protects her fragile ego. She's always been that way and early on I learned to go along with what she says because if I don't there is all hell to pay.
You seem to think I'm dealing with a mentally healthy person. I'm dealing with a personality disorder that is like a mental illness but there's no pill to help relieve it. I've dealt with it all my life.
She is extremely abusive. Who will look after her if I don't?
I'm glad you agree with me that the grocery store is no place for the aged which was my point.
You haven't ask for any advice, and I usually don't give it, but here goes: Do yourself AND your mother a favor and stop taking her to the grocery store. She isn't holding you at gunpoint, is she? Your resentment and frustration is oozing all over the place, and I'm sure is toxic both for you AND for her. Be kind but firm when you tell her "no, I'm no longer willing to take you grocery shopping." Then she can either find someone else to take her or allow you to shop for her. Offer to take her on some other type of "outing," maybe to the local senior center, for example, or to the mall where you should be able to rent a wheelchair to get her around the mall. ...just stop allowing her to manipulate you into situations that are high anxiety/stress for you. If you cannot imagine saying "no" to her, get some professional help and/or peer support. You have set yourself up for some major stress-related physical/emotional/mental health complications. If those are allowed to progress, then where will your mother be? Best wishes to you.
This is all very well for the businesses who want the aging trade. For other places like the grocery store or Walmart, I think the aged should stay home and let others do the shopping.
My mother is 93 and insists I take her to the grocery store every week. It's a nightmare. She can't see, she can't hear, she uses a walker at home and uses the cart at the store to keep her balance. After a while she gets really tired and wants to sit down.
I think she is a tremendous liability for the store and for that matter for me. Every step that woman takes is a potential hazard. What am I going to do if she falls or if she gets too tired to walk to the next aisle? Plus other customers are shopping and not paying that much attention to where the are going. What if she runs into them and injures them with her cart?
These trips really frighten me. I've told her what a danger she is and tried to prepare her that soon I will not be able to take her. She doesn't listen of course. She pretends she can't hear. If I was a business I would dread to see her coming.
5 Comments
First Oldest
First
Businesses and Seniors Benefit from Aging Sensitivity Training
I have a local support group and this website which is a great deal of help.
My mother is 93. She is not trainable.
Thanks for your concern.
My point is I don't think the elderly should be in the stores. Maybe the proprietors should post a sign: No shirt, no shoes, no walker, no service!
You are darned right I am oozing resentment. I hate taking care of her because she has a personality disorder and cannot see beyond her own narcissistic world. Everything she does protects her fragile ego. She's always been that way and early on I learned to go along with what she says because if I don't there is all hell to pay.
You seem to think I'm dealing with a mentally healthy person. I'm dealing with a personality disorder that is like a mental illness but there's no pill to help relieve it. I've dealt with it all my life.
She is extremely abusive. Who will look after her if I don't?
I'm glad you agree with me that the grocery store is no place for the aged which was my point.
My mother is 93 and insists I take her to the grocery store every week. It's a nightmare. She can't see, she can't hear, she uses a walker at home and uses the cart at the store to keep her balance. After a while she gets really tired and wants to sit down.
I think she is a tremendous liability for the store and for that matter for me. Every step that woman takes is a potential hazard. What am I going to do if she falls or if she gets too tired to walk to the next aisle? Plus other customers are shopping and not paying that much attention to where the are going. What if she runs into them and injures them with her cart?
These trips really frighten me. I've told her what a danger she is and tried to prepare her that soon I will not be able to take her. She doesn't listen of course. She pretends she can't hear. If I was a business I would dread to see her coming.