I took care of my dad for 8 years, i have been through all the stages of alzheimer's. I went in visited my dad on Jan. 12, 2015, he would not let go of my hand. His grip was sooooooo strong, He was scheduled to come home the next day. Well, He went home, but not to our house, the lord gave him his wings. I know with this being so fresh,(a week ago, we buried my dear friend,savior-my daddy). 30 years we buried my first daughter, fullterm stillborn, amanda marie, he is buried close by her, at that time, know one wanted to even speak of her, so to this day, i am still mouning her, and when new years day comes around, i hate it, she was born on New years day 1985. i am trying to stay strong for the family, because that is what my mother says i have to do, i am going to be 50 in july, but to stay strong is getting harder for me. I seclude myself in my room alot since daddy passed. I did make a decision, my daughter who is pregnant with her second daughter is moving tomorrow to AZ due to her boyfriend's job. She is due in April. I am going to fly out on March 10 and stay till late April. When I return, i am moving out of mom's house, and moving closer to my other daughter and 2 grandkids. It's time I start living again. My twin, hopefully, will be taking care of my mother. I love my mom dearly, but she has been so controlling of me for years, it's time for me to have a life. Grief, in my case, has been controlling me too long, and i am counting on my dad, my daughter and the lord to help me with my decision i have made. All i can say is, stay strong, talk when u want to about what you are going thru, support groups i am hoping, will help. This website has helped me thru some very difficult times, when dad was alive, and helped me when my mother would try to control me......i really pray it helps me now................i will gladly help others going thru caretaking of a person with alzheimers, i am a nurse, and what i experienced with dad, i know alot of helpful info that if i can help one person in a time of need, i will feel blessed. I was always a writer, gonna try writing again, it is great therapy. If anyone needs me, please, don't hesitate to let me know.. Laura...........
I became a widow at 33. Within two months my father died. There are no time limits is absolutely true. I did remarry within a short period. Growing love is not a cure for loss or a replacement. I happen to have been very lucky to discover a man who knew I would still be grieving for many years.
To all of you have read this article and written your heart felt comments. These stages and phases are as passages which some of us will pass through again and again until we are done. We do not pass through necessarily in any order nor do we pass through them just once. All that said, to all of you who are healing the wounded heart from loss of someone who impacted your life, may I say how essential it is for you to honor your healing heart and know that you may count on expressions of loving kindness and compassion to always aid in your recovery. Lastly, know that all feelings are temporary, sad, bad, angry and scared, but LOVE is eternal. Peace dear ones. Louise Kenny
I've lost both my parents. The support of my spouse, my siblings, other family members (extended family) and close friends was very helpful. I got the most comfort from establishing regular prayers and making supplications for the deceased. We all need Allah SWT, our families, and our friends. Allah SWT giveth and Allah SWT taketh. From Allah SWT comes everyone and to Allah SWT they will return. Ameen.
I have been thinking about my experiences and want to share further. #1. Many in society expect you to "get over" your loss by a certain time, and that there is something wrong with you if you don't. New theories of grieving a lost child talk about the continuing, but changed relationship. This may well apply to other losses too. A person who had been an important part of your life for many years, does not just disappear when they die. You still have feelings for them and memories about them that need to be honoured. When you are ready to, working out how best to do that takes time and effort. Creating memorials of some kind can help, scrapbooks, photo albums, donations to a favourite cause, planting a special tree or bush, and so on. I had a park bench out up on the trail across from the house in memory of my son. Nine years later, It still gives me comfort to see people use it. Friends have left flowers on it. You don't stop missing them. #2 Grief waits for you. If you get busy, as soon as you stop to take a breath, grief appears. I found it important in the early days, months of a loss to give myself enough time, and space to "feel my feelings". It is not easy, and there is a lot of emotional pain, but is a necessary part of the process of healing. I found that I ws a much less social creature, as I needed my energy, and time to process my grief. #3 Tears - I read that the 4 T's - tears, talk (or writing), toil and time are needed to work through grief. Time only works if you do the first three. Tears are a natural expression of pain, and although at times the pain may seem overhwhelming and tears and accompanying feelings even frightening, yielding to them brings relief. A bout of tears usually doesn't last longer than 20 mins (according to experts and my experience) and you do feel a whole lot better afterwards. They bouts lessen in time and become lkess intense. #4. Hanging on to the hurting is common, and something many have to work through. It feels like you are betraying your loved one if you find enjoyment. In time you realise that concentrating on the good memories is valid (the bad ones will pop up anyway) and, you become more comfortable with that, and able to share your loved one with others in a way that all can enjoy. #5. I do think there are stages or phases of grief, but they are flexible and individual. Many will feel the feelings described in the five stages, but certainly not in any order, and they may come and go, and come back again. I have seen that 3 months, 6 months, 9 months then a year ,and so on, are times when grief hits particularly hard, as well as special days like birthdays and holidays. It is good to plan something at those times to help yourself get through them. #6. I absolutelly agree you must be tender with yourself, and find people with whom you can share. Not everyone is comfortable sharing grief, but some are, and many times not those you would expect, in my experience. Those who can be supportive are invaluable resources and "safe places" to go. .In grief, one needs a safe place.
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6 Myths About Grieving
#1. Many in society expect you to "get over" your loss by a certain time, and that there is something wrong with you if you don't. New theories of grieving a lost child talk about the continuing, but changed relationship. This may well apply to other losses too. A person who had been an important part of your life for many years, does not just disappear when they die. You still have feelings for them and memories about them that need to be honoured. When you are ready to, working out how best to do that takes time and effort. Creating memorials of some kind can help, scrapbooks, photo albums, donations to a favourite cause, planting a special tree or bush, and so on. I had a park bench out up on the trail across from the house in memory of my son. Nine years later, It still gives me comfort to see people use it. Friends have left flowers on it. You don't stop missing them.
#2 Grief waits for you. If you get busy, as soon as you stop to take a breath, grief appears. I found it important in the early days, months of a loss to give myself enough time, and space to "feel my feelings". It is not easy, and there is a lot of emotional pain, but is a necessary part of the process of healing. I found that I ws a much less social creature, as I needed my energy, and time to process my grief.
#3 Tears - I read that the 4 T's - tears, talk (or writing), toil and time are needed to work through grief. Time only works if you do the first three. Tears are a natural expression of pain, and although at times the pain may seem overhwhelming and tears and accompanying feelings even frightening, yielding to them brings relief. A bout of tears usually doesn't last longer than 20 mins (according to experts and my experience) and you do feel a whole lot better afterwards. They bouts lessen in time and become lkess intense.
#4. Hanging on to the hurting is common, and something many have to work through. It feels like you are betraying your loved one if you find enjoyment. In time you realise that concentrating on the good memories is valid (the bad ones will pop up anyway) and, you become more comfortable with that, and able to share your loved one with others in a way that all can enjoy.
#5. I do think there are stages or phases of grief, but they are flexible and individual. Many will feel the feelings described in the five stages, but certainly not in any order, and they may come and go, and come back again. I have seen that 3 months, 6 months, 9 months then a year ,and so on, are times when grief hits particularly hard, as well as special days like birthdays and holidays. It is good to plan something at those times to help yourself get through them.
#6. I absolutelly agree you must be tender with yourself, and find people with whom you can share. Not everyone is comfortable sharing grief, but some are, and many times not those you would expect, in my experience. Those who can be supportive are invaluable resources and "safe places" to go. .In grief, one needs a safe place.