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6 Signs of Caregiver Burnout

214 Comments

I have burnout...my husband is not supportive of me and that hurts me the most...my husband thinks I'm just making more of it than it is....I try to explain but he either rolls his eyes or he 'tunes me out' and focuses back on tv or his book...how can I make him understand that I have this ??? I would have thought he'd be more supportive since I just cannot seem to function as I used to...any ideas on how I can make him understand and see what I'm really going thru ???

For PattiK, I wonder if your mom is on medicine that could make her lethargic. I know with my mom and a friend's mom, less was more. When they reduced the amount of medicine they each got, they got more responsive and more engaging with people and interactive, rather than just staring. I'm not a doctor, and can't give medical advice, it's just a thought.

Okay, mom campaigned hard to go to a nursing home. She made my life hell til she got there. Her physical health, clinical tests all indicated she is very healthy for anyone much less than her 85 years. She is there 2 1/2 months now. My visit with her on Mother's Day she was posed flat on her bed as if in a casket eyes open staring at the ceiling. Rehearsing is my guess. My son's loaded her shelf with flowers and plants and cards. She really doesn't respond.
She refuses to do anything but lay on her bed, meals eaten as she sits on the bed, now, she has a commode by the bed. There is no chair, she doesn't want one. All of my visits find her laying in bed, she doesn't even lift her head to visit, just lays there.
Finally, after years of bring tied to my cell phone, I decided to leave it home when I visited a neighbor for a couple of hours. As soon as we walked back in the door I heard my phone ring. Nursing Supervisor advising me that Mom had fallen unattended. She somehow got up to use the commode and ended up on her back with her legs under the commode. Happy Mother's Day!!!!
I stress and fret about her next "adventure" and I am convinced that she is playing games. She has had 4 falls since January 4 (My deceased Dad's birthday) . Every fall looked staged to me. She claimed she just fell and her heiney landed in the waste basket and she was unable to move. Hmmmm she was no where close to the waste basket. She didn't hurt, couldn't move ... however, when the EMS crew arrived she was lifting her legs up to prove nothing hurt but at the same moment saying she couldn't move. It goes on and on like this.
My patience with normal life with my husband has gone missing. I feel like my head is being crushed in a vice and I just want out.
Where do I go from here?

I've found that one way to deal with caregiver stress is to find a sense of humor when you can. I've written about this in my book, "My Mother Has Alzheimer's and My Dog Has Tapeworms: A Caregiver's Tale." My mom wanted to tell someone that she pounded the pavement looking for a job (as an accountant) after college, but what she said was, "I walked the streets of NY, if you know what I mean." I still smile at that recollection. R. Lynn Barnett

Just had to move my 92 year old mother in law into long term care, my husband and I are both mentally drained. We continue to get calls from her whining and yelling at us. She cannot possibly live in her home any longer and this past year of having to drive back & forth across town has taken a toll on our marriage.

My Mom decided she didn't want to deal with it, so she filed for divorce and had him served at their home without him knowing she had been planning on divorcing him. Put the house up for sale immediately after and gave me 2days notice to get him and his stuff out. He's been with me for8 months now and the dementia had progressed rapidly. Sundowning, hallucinating, paranoid, aggressive, mean combative,etc. Had to lock up all knives and sharp things because he thought I was an intruder out to get him and was hiding 2 of my sharpest knives in case he had to slit my throat to get away. He's so scared someone is coming to hurt him. It's constant. Daytime, he's Dr Jekyll... at night he turns into mr. Hyde. It breaks my heart but I'm frustrated exhausted and I've lost total respect for my mother. I don't want to give up on my dad but I don't know how much longer I can keep him safe here because he falls and always lands on his face. I hate that this is happening to him

I guess I have finally lost my sh*t. The endless games got to be too much. Mom is in the hospital after playing games like not eating, drinking or bathing, you name it. Endless mind control games at my expense. I am finally done.
Let the facility have the pleasure. Love isn't enough. I have been pulled through the knot hole until there is nothing left. It is time for me to live my own life. My awakening is now. I am going for it. Family caregivers ... make sure you keep enough of YOU as you travel this road. You get one life, it is all you have.

These articles always talk about caring for parents. I am caring for my husband. Rarely do I see anything that addresses my situation. Parents are not the only ones who need caregiving, but most of the articles I read on this forum seem to only consider parents. There are siblings, spouses, etc. Parents and spouses are two entirely different kinds of caregiving, at least to me, as I have done both. I wish there were more articles devoted to spouses who are care givers, as there are SO many relating to parental caregiving! I have considered just quitting this forum as it seldom addresses my situation, and when it does, it is minimal or not even that helpful, at least for me. I just no longer have time for things that don't even come close to addressing the needs of my situation, caring for my husband and also working full time. I have 2-3 full time jobs and qualify for zero assistance, with only one daughter living close; the other two children could care less. Why is caring for parents the thing that seems to engender the most concern? There are many caring for spouses, yet it seems to be forgotten or of little concern. I have searched this forum and everything seems to be for caring for parents. A lot discouraged here that caring for spouses seems to be ignored.

Im so glad I'm not alone - yet I feel for us all - everything I do is never good enough 😑 I don't get why the elderly get so blooming demanding #tired#

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I am so glad i found this site. reading the comments make me feel like i am not by myself. Before taking in mom, I used to love life. do the best i can with what i got. now i am the most miserable person, eating my way there too. i tried to understand as a care giver but it is truly hard. i do understanding there are some side effects to medications but when she tells me" if i was living by myself , i will do more" . i am trying to find a place but the waiting list is too long. in the meantime i do need to go back to my routine before mom moved in with me. i used to love reading, gardening, running even when it was cold. but how can you get up to run when someone is consistently yelling your name throughout the night.