I love you. Thank you for everything you have done for me. Go in peace. I will see you when my time comes. God is love and He is expecting you, go to HIM. You will find all your relatives there also, say hello in my name. Thank you again for everything, you have my permission to go

Life is so precious.

I don't know if my mother could hear me, as she was so close to death. But some say they can hear right up to the last minute. I told her " I love you Mom and I know I will see you again." I really believe that.

I think the best gift you can give a loved person is time! You don't know how long they have left so spend as much time with them, love them...annoy them and don't have any regrets after they have gone! Remember them for all the great times and not the last time together, especially if it was a rough time. I know I want to be remembered with fun and love, not for a bad...sad....death

helpful to me for discussing her not making it thru all the chemo and pain Now so weak.

My love has been diagnosed with a terminal heart condition. This past week he has showed a lot of anger, resentment of others in my life. Please advise.

Being widowed at 37 I learned that what I needed most was someone willing to listen. Most of my friends avoided me and some would change the subject but I needed to talk about both my memories and my feelings. Platitudes were the least helpful and even made me angry at times.

This thread has been around a while, but I wanted to add a short note here. Recently, one of "my" teens (I mentor teens at the local Boys and Girls Club) lost her older sister in a car accident. She and her family had moved to another city prior to this, so I wasn't having the usual twice weekly contact with her. It took a little while, and then I was compelled to call the family and check in. I told the mother, very truthfully, that they've been heavily on my mind. It was just about 3 weeks after the tragedy had happened. Once I said they were on my mind, I tried mostly to keep my mouth shut and let her talk. I know that, in our conversation, I just validated how hard this is - harder than anything. Sometimes just saying "This is hard!" is oddly helpful. No, you won't be "okay". No, time doesn't necessarily heal all wounds. But I'm here to support and help you in any way I can. In this case, I get to help by taking my girl out to coffee, which was her favorite B&G Club activity with me. Just her and me, this time, with no expectations or agenda. So, I guess just making yourself available and not trying to become a counselor to someone, but just being their friend, is what you "say" to someone who is grieving. "I'm your friend now, as I was before this happened. I'm here to share your grief. It's hard."

When my mom passed away I don't remember what all people said to me but the one thing I do remember and I say to others because for sone reason it was comforting to me to hear these words was and is, "I am so sorry for your loss" here it is 8 yrs later and I am watching my 90 yr old father who has CHF and vascular dementia become more feable and all I can think of is I'm sorry for his loss, he is having a hard time accepting the fact that his body is wearing out, that it's getting tired and he just keeps pushing himself then doesn't understand why he struggles to breathe. I just want him to have some peace and to know that we will all be ok when the Lord calls him home and we will all be sorry for our loss.

When they told my father he had stage IV inoperable cancer of the stomach and esophagus, he said to me, "I do not want to die." And before I could think about what I was saying, I said, "Everyone is going to die, Dad." "We just don't know when." I quickly changed the subject to what we were having for dinner. Since that day, I have been visiting him every day. And I will continue to visit him every day until the day he dies.

One of the things I have started saying is, " am praying for angels to help you carry your load', I, too, do not care for the 'you are in my thoughts and prayers'... or I will tell someone ' I love you bigger than the sky"... as long as it said from the heart, I feel truth is what someone wants to hear.... and sometimes it is as simple as validating them and us, 'this just sucks, and I don't really know what to say, is there anything I can do for you?" One thing I try to keep in mind is what would I want someone to say to me.... If you come up with some others I would love to hear about them.... hugs and angels...

i went to see my dad. he can't talk o, eat he just looks at me. But he knows i'm there.Thats very hard on me. So i talk to him.Just share my day. But like you i will be OKAY. some days are better than others. Sometime i can handle this ok but sometimes i'm a mess.
and that ok.
at

v8 - I appreciate what you said. Yes, that "in our thoughts and prayers" has become as common as "have a nice day". I tend to stay away from the cliche - but man, sometimes coming up with something original is tough. Speak from the heart. I would say "I am so sorry you have to go through this." I also tend to tell the person what I have seen in them, like my little lady who lost her husband (on my watch) last year at this time.... wow... memories. Anyway - I said to her that she was so very strong, but I was glad to see that she was also tender hearted and grieving. I said I would not want to know you if you were so calloused that this didn't break your heart. I told her it broke my heart, too. I guess just expressing your truly honest sentiment is always the best way to go, rather than rely on common phrases of support. Just Thursday night, as she was crying at bedtime and I was tucking her in, I put my hand on her shoulder and said "You are so strong, but I'm glad you're a bit mushy too". And then I prayed for her, out loud, because this comforts her heart. OH - I also told her (during the months that followed her husband's death) that he would be honored by her tears, and that he would appreciate knowing his absence was painful. She "got" that, and it also seemed to comfort her. Sometimes we get caught up in the "You'll be okay" thing and - no - you won't be "OKAY" but you'll definitely get through this. I'm rambling.

i remmmber a dad that always took great care of me.took us to the movies,rids in the car almost every Sunday.He was always there for me. He fix my car even when i did't know it need fixing.There was always food . all of our needs where met. Even though he was my step dad, i felt more of dauther than the rest of my sibling.i always forgot he was a step dad!

My younger sister just passed away at age 56. She had been suffering for many years with kidney disease and related maladies & effects, but her death came out of the blue. Friends & relatives have been amazing & wonderful and have done a great deal for me. The many many cards I received all had special notes, very nice, but almost everyone said, "you are in our thoughts & prayers". It is a wonderful sentiment, but I don't know if people realize that everyone says the exact same thing. I know I am trying to find different words. If anyone has other words of comfort I would be appreciative of suggestions.