Hi,
My 77 yr old dad has been with me for about a year. He will still shower, but I have to lead him there, turn on the water, doap up his facecloth, and wait til he is in the shower. Then I have to rush in and remove the dirty clothes because he will put those back on otherwise.
I can't imagine what I will do if he refuses to shower completely.
One thing that helps keep him calm and agreeable is medical gradd Marijuana oil. It is legal here, and I found an oil that contains thc, turmeric and black pepper extract. Some studies have shown that this combo is very helpful for Alzheimer's patients, and I agree.
When dad first arrived he was VERY combative and aggressive, especially with the children. Now, I give him a dropper of the thc oil, and he is able to relax. Being relaxed makes him so much more amenable to things like showers and walks.
I'm not endorsing street drugs here! Dad is licensed to visit the dispensary, and the oil that I use is medical grade, tested, legal and safe.
If this is not possible where you live, I suggest adding supplements like Omega fish oil, Gingko biloba, turmeric oil and high doses of vitamin B.

Getting dressed and getting washed are major challenges when caring for someone who refuses to cooperate. It can be overwhelmingly frustrating causing anger and emotional depression. Not only for the caregiver, but for the person being cared for. What we have to remember is we can't "control" the other person. We can't control how they think, how they feel or what's comfortable for them.
We set a standard that may be too high for them to reach anymore. Is it really necessary to their health to change their clothes everyday? What will negatively happen if they sleep in their day clothes and still wear them the next day? Is it worth the emotional turmoil to win the battle?
Sometimes we just have to back off and just let them be. Think of it as they are making their own decision, which in a sense is a sign of wanting to be independent and not just a body to be cared for by someone else.
For me, I'm trying to adjust my thinking to preserve my own emotional health. I'm so tired of having to coax, persuade, even demand that the task be done and it doesn't work, leaving ME depleted.
I'm only speaking from my own circumstances as my 88 year old husband is still mobile and aware of his surroundings, just confused and unable to figure things out for himself. However he is extremely stubborn and dismissive and that's the hard part.

Your articles always tempt me into thinking that there really might be an easier way to get my very strong, sixty-eight year old husband, who is in the serious stage of AD, dressed, undressed, toileted, or fed. Unfortunately, most of your suggestions just skirt the issues. There really are no easy ways to do any of this. If he is in a good mood, he might help by lifting his foot to put a shoe on. If not, his leg is dead weight and I cannot dress him. The only thing that works is agreeing to anything he wants and/or walking away and waiting until he forgets that he was in a bad mood. If I got this diagnosis myself, I would probably take my own life. I would not want my children to have to take care of me the way I am taking care of my husband. It is one thing to take care of a beloved spouse, and quite another to take care of a parent.

My dad's an X-Marine, and he is at the state of the first commentor @ 80yrs old. When he wakes up, there is no getting clothes on him, and as well, to get the clothes on him can sometimes turn into WAR! If we're (my mom and I) able to get one arm in the shirt, he pulls the other out, and so on. Extremely resistant is an understatement. But the one thing that we've found is that, within all creatures, short or tall, there is an underlying issue in the morning... Hunger... and after having no luck this morning for about a half hour, my mother made some eggs, and as usual, he was hovering towards THE FOOOOOD, and within this, my mother made the statement "You're not getting any unless you put on some clothes." For which was hard for me to believe my eyes when he started to comply, as he is far past having ANY REASON or understanding ANY PART OF reason that one might present. It is hopeless... And then we wake up the next morning and do it all over again. Hell is DEMENTIA! So, EAT RIGHT, Stop Smoking, and get some excersise! Because in my opinion, it's AVOIDABLE!

My dad refused to bath because they asked him to answer yes or no. Big mistake!! Give them two options if possible. Would you like your bath now or after lunch. It's time to get washed, do you want to take a bath or a shower. Questions like those. Always adjust the water for them and make sure its not to hot or too cold and then have them test it and make it colder or warmer. Their skin is more fragile and their sense of feeling have decreased. So what is comfortable for you, probably is not for them. Keep them covered as much as possible because they get cold very easy. Hope this helps. When my dad refused and I visited him and found out, I told him I was giving him a shower...end of story. Told the aide to show me to the shower house...which they didn't want me to because of falling issues and such. I told them I was a nurse and quite capable and they let me do it. He had no problems with it. I told them for future reference do not ask yes or no, ask when or what type.

These are excellent suggestions until you reach the point where I am caring for my 93 yr old dad (Stage 6 Alzheimer's). He absolutely refuses to change clothes, and insists on sleeping in his clothes. A home health aide comes in twice a week to wash Dad (lots of resistance there too), but at least Dad gets fresh clean, clothes twice a week. Nothing I've tried works, no matter what time of day it is. Anyone else have this situation? Any suggestions? Maybe there will be one I haven't tried yet.