My mother in law with dementia called us at 8:30 pm and asked us " do you have any cookies"? She was pretty upset that they wouldn't give her any. Although we knew they already had as the NH social worker has explained that she gets 2 helpings of dessert and always wants more ( she forgets she ate) . We live 90 miles away. Not like we could jump up and get her some.
My mom has Parkinson's disease/Lewy Body Dementia and claims that my father (who has been dead for 27 years) sleeps with her every night. She even said he brought his 18-year-old girlfriend with him for a threesome! :-D She was very concerned that he was 'taking advantage' of this 18-year old, so I humored her and said that she was old enough to make her own decisions. Sometimes you just have to laugh!
Recognizing the humor in situations as we go through life is important for mental and spiritual health. This article is a good reminder of that, as well as warning us against falling into a martyr role. Good advice. The other day, my mom (with vascular or Alzheimer's dementia) asked me to buy her a sweater because she is cold when she wears her short-sleeve shirts. I said, "Hmm . . . well, why don't you wear your long-sleeve shirts?" She replied, "Because I get too warm." I could have chosen frustration or humor. I laughed, and she started laughing. We had a good moment together instead of her feeling my frustration and me feeling guilty for making her feel bad.
Recognizing the humor in situations as we go through life is important for mental and spiritual health. This article is a good reminder of that, as well as warning us against falling into a martyr role. Good advice. The other day, my mom (with vascular or Alzheimer's dementia) asked me to buy her a sweater because she is cold when she wears her short-sleeve shirts. I said, "Hmm . . . well, why don't you wear your long-sleeve shirts?" She replied, "Because I get too warm." I could have chosen frustration or humor. I laughed, and she started laughing. We had a good moment together instead of her feeling my frustration and me feeling guilty for making her feel bad.
My mother has been the entertainment of many of the hospital visits we have had over the last few years. After one long stay and they had put the leg compresses on her legs to her the blood circulating well. They inflated and made her legs go out and she sat us in bed and said "ohhh..... I haven't felt that good that way in many years and my hooha hasn't been touched in just as many" with a great big smile on her face! She had an orgasm with them on and the nurses and I could not stop laughing. My mother was 86 at the time so it surprised me that she would say anything like that. And they keep on coming still.
This article is so good and so right. In my caregiving, I'd often try to get us to see things from the funny viewpoint of little kids. In really yucky times I'd go right for third grade humor. We still had to deal with the stuff but it at least helped. A modest example from my caregiver book:
ON SHARING BODILY FLUIDS
Verses: Sometimes Susan’s bladder issues just tee tee me off. She’ll wet her chair, the bed, herself, just ‘cause she has to cough, Or sneeze or laugh or drink or think. We live in yellow mist, I constantly am cleaning up and sometimes I get pissed.
Sometimes Susan’s bowel issues make my life seem crappy: If it’s stuck or runny, funny, leaked into her nappy. I’d like to forget it all; get fecal amnesia. Never pour her nightcaps made of milk of magnesia.
Sometimes Susan’s nasal issues make me act all snotty. I help her blow, stop bloody flow, make it all get clotty, Open clogs, soothe with saline, make it feel all cozy. So how’s her boogers doing now? I hate to be so nosey.
Chorus: It’s not her fault, but all the strokes; she hates it just like me. She hates that I must manage this, be anal as can be. Good thing I had two kids with dirty butts and messy sickness Who cured me of my old aversion to the world of ickness.
PD , i drove past our nat guard armory last summer and some kind of open house family day was going on . in a side yard they had a big camo bouncey castle with " boot camp " printed across the front of it . i thought ; man they have REALLY relaxed the standards since i was in . of course the castle was for kids but it didnt make me chuckle any less .
I remember a time when my father had dementia before he past in 1999. He looked straight at my mother and asked where Betty way. My mother told him she was Betty. He looked up and said, "No, the other Betty." They had been married almost 53 years. If there was another Betty he kept her well hidden.
Thought I would pop in something I read today on f/b:
I am over 57 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35. For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every ten seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a month, leaving us more than 280,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy. Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' Were bad-tempered and impatient, and maybe letting us kill some ***hole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while..... An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical SOB. If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser. Boot camp would be easier for old guys.... We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling. They could lighten up on the obstacle course however..... I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any push-ups after completing basic training. Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too..... I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet. An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave or to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head. These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way. Let us old guys track down those terrorists..... The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million hacked off old farts with bad attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them. HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50.... in menopause! You think MEN have attitudes? Ohhhhhhhh my goodness!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night!
My husband is 87. He won't allow medical help. Never has. So I can't say he has Alzheimers or dementia or anything else. His faculties have declined a lot in the last year and he is physically failing. One day at a time, and a lot of praying.But he still has most of his sense of humor which has seen us through a lot over the years. And we can tease one another and joke around and laugh which helps us both. However, it the inadvertent moments that I will always remember and smile at. Such as when he turned to me with a puzzled look and asked me who I was. I told him I was his wife, quite emphatically, and he just said oh and turned back to the tv. After a few moments he again and asked quite seriously WHICH ONE... (I was his third) and I responded just as strongly that I was the only one he had now, and gave him a hug. He smiled.. and kept smiling. A precious moment...
This is so true. Very recently, my husband no longer recognized me as his wife. I am not heartbroken, just accepting what I knew was inevitable sooner or later. Now he wants me to take him to see his wife. Each time, I tell him "I am your wife." I don't argue with him; I just want him to know that I am his wife. Sometimes he chuckles, other times he says "Well, that's good." The other night he said, "My wife has probably called the police by now." By that I think he meant she has the police trying to locate where he is. Then last night he again told me to "take me to my wife." I said, "I am your wife." He said, "I didn't know I had an extra woman!" And so it goes. LOL
I agree with this article 100% except I see no humor in a caregiver being bitten under ANY circumstance. I am a CNA and have been bitten and it is no laughing matter.
Laughter is the best medicine. Sexual desire does not die with age. Think up a smart remark like the woman when a man exposed himself in public. She just snorted and remarked that she had seen better than that in the morgue! If you are not afraid of the consequences it is very comforting for a patient to have someone lie down on the bed beside them. Another solution is to get an animal to keep the patient company. An old dog from the SPCA will benefit both of them. Another point to keep in mind is that the elderly are very sensitive about privacy and should be kept covered as much as possible when providing personal care. if you need to wash the genitals of a family member of the opposite sex everyone will feel more comfortable if the area is kept covered by a towel and not exposed unless some thing like catheter care is needed. Even then keep a towel over the belly so there is less exposure. The perineum and rectal area can be taken care of with the patient on their side. Also if it is safe to do so leave the room while the patient is using the commode or toilet. Dignity is very important for the elderly and the not so elderly too. Touch is so important too. Just a touch on the arm or holding a hand as you approach the patient is very comforting. a quick hug before you change a messy bed reassures the patient that you understand they did not do it to annoy the caretaker. So many things to think about, but one last point, do not take care of someone you don't like even if it is a close relative, Admit it and make other arrangements.
My Father is 85yrs old. He has been living with me for about 18 months. My Mom died in July 2009. I know he is lonely. He has made passing comments about having a younger woman, etc. He even said he wanted to hook up with his x-daughter in law. There are 3 grown grandkids with my x sister-in-law. When I reminded him of that, he said, "I would make sure it is okay with them, first"! I said nothing more about it. Basically ignored it. But last night when he went to bed he asked me if I wanted to come lay down with him? I asked him if he was okay? He said he, he thought that I would come and keep him company! I was shocked! He has parkinson's, dementia, and diabetes. He does have short term memory loss. I was so beside myself about this, that I was up until 3am. Almost afraid to go to bed. Dad is a small guy. I know he wouldn't hurt a fly, but how do I handle this if it happens again?? Lost in Maryland!!
Love, love, love this article! My 88 year old mom is staying with me after having surgery last week. Since it was abdominal surgery she was, of course, full of gas afterward. Because they didn't get her up as they should have in the hospital, she's been passing a LOT of gas since she came home with me. We've made numerous jokes about "an elephant under the bed" or blaming it on the dog, etc. She laughs, I laugh. Her recovery has gone remarkably well and I think at least a part of that is due to laughter...sometimes it is the best medicine.
I agree! Our sense of humor was key to surviving the years we cared for my elderly in-laws in our home. Granted, the humor is a little warped at times, but my book "Slightly Dented Halos" was the result. I have so enjoyed sharing our stories!
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First Oldest
First
The Lighter Side of Caregiving: Appreciate the Humor
Me: Do what?
Wife: Borrow your nail clippers.
Me: OK
Wife: Then would you cut my nails?
ON SHARING BODILY FLUIDS
Verses:
Sometimes Susan’s bladder issues just tee tee me off.
She’ll wet her chair, the bed, herself, just ‘cause she has to cough,
Or sneeze or laugh or drink or think. We live in yellow mist,
I constantly am cleaning up and sometimes I get pissed.
Sometimes Susan’s bowel issues make my life seem crappy:
If it’s stuck or runny, funny, leaked into her nappy.
I’d like to forget it all; get fecal amnesia.
Never pour her nightcaps made of milk of magnesia.
Sometimes Susan’s nasal issues make me act all snotty.
I help her blow, stop bloody flow, make it all get clotty,
Open clogs, soothe with saline, make it feel all cozy.
So how’s her boogers doing now? I hate to be so nosey.
Chorus:
It’s not her fault, but all the strokes; she hates it just like me.
She hates that I must manage this, be anal as can be.
Good thing I had two kids with dirty butts and messy sickness
Who cured me of my old aversion to the world of ickness.
i drove past our nat guard armory last summer and some kind of open house family day was going on . in a side yard they had a big camo bouncey castle with " boot camp " printed across the front of it . i thought ; man they have REALLY relaxed the standards since i was in .
of course the castle was for kids but it didnt make me chuckle any less .
I am over 57 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing backwards.
Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.
For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every ten seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a month, leaving us more than 280,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' Were bad-tempered and impatient, and maybe letting us kill some ***hole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.....
An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical SOB.
If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys.... We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however..... I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any push-ups after completing basic training.
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too..... I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave or to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.
Let us old guys track down those terrorists..... The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million hacked off old farts with bad attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.
HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50.... in menopause! You think MEN have attitudes? Ohhhhhhhh my goodness!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night!
Sexual desire does not die with age. Think up a smart remark like the woman when a man exposed himself in public. She just snorted and remarked that she had seen better than that in the morgue!
If you are not afraid of the consequences it is very comforting for a patient to have someone lie down on the bed beside them. Another solution is to get an animal to keep the patient company. An old dog from the SPCA will benefit both of them.
Another point to keep in mind is that the elderly are very sensitive about privacy and should be kept covered as much as possible when providing personal care. if you need to wash the genitals of a family member of the opposite sex everyone will feel more comfortable if the area is kept covered by a towel and not exposed unless some thing like catheter care is needed. Even then keep a towel over the belly so there is less exposure. The perineum and rectal area can be taken care of with the patient on their side. Also if it is safe to do so leave the room while the patient is using the commode or toilet. Dignity is very important for the elderly and the not so elderly too.
Touch is so important too. Just a touch on the arm or holding a hand as you approach the patient is very comforting. a quick hug before you change a messy bed reassures the patient that you understand they did not do it to annoy the caretaker. So many things to think about, but one last point, do not take care of someone you don't like even if it is a close relative, Admit it and make other arrangements.