“If music be the food of love, play on, Give me excess of it; that surfeiting,
The appetite may sicken, and so die.” Give them iPods with their favorite music of their era and see what happens.

It is so hard to wrap your head around caring for a parent with Alz or Dementia.
The hardcore habits and personality weaknesses often become excerbated when they get this disease, and these life habits become more exaggerated, unreasonable, downright nutty.
She still wants stuff she can no longer deal with; like certain handicrafts and incessantly demands them. You get what she wants, and she never really makes the craft. Always finds a reason or excuse not to do it. Demands more stuff for it, etc. Will never consider an alternative.
I find that these kinds of demands will cycle in and out of their brain. They will go thru a period of time not asking for certain things, but then it always comes back, weeks or months later and then it s off to the races again until you can distract them sufficiently so they forget for awhile.
Yes, its hard. Especially when I am the only child left and she and I have opposite values and personality.

I like that you pointed out how caring for an aging parent dovetails with the care a parent provided for you when you were a child. Both were stages of equal helplessness, but it doesn't mean that the love or bound felt between the carer and the caree has to diminish, despite deteriorating (or, in the case of a child, underdeveloped) conditions.

My husband makes too much for medicaid but they approved him with a "spend down".. which they will never see... I have been just playing with the bill collectors.. it will all come to a head but I will worry about that then.. right now, he is getting the care we need. Dont hold you breath on that Obama care... its just political BS and games. Unfortunately... you gotta fight everyone to get him the care he needs (even the doctors receptionist!) and dont back down and take no for an answer.. i didnt. Try your local social services office. Again, its who you talk to, not what you are intitled to... if you dont get the answer you want... find another person to ask, some people just dont want to do the job they were hired to do or act like its their money, not the states or gov. There are alot of lazy people in positions that need go getters and doers.

My heart goes out to everyone. I'm not going to say I'm glad I'm not alone because I don't wish this on anyone. I no how it feels to cry yourself to sleep at night. I lay in my bed watching him draw on the wall or on the floor with his finger. Finally he falls asleep. Maybe not for long but eventually he does. Sometimes it's 4:30 a.m. before he sleeps. The VA provides respite 30 days a year. I've already used it up because of another illness in the family. He does not qualify for medicaid so he can not get help from local organizations. The only adult day care in our little town says they cannot accept him because he wasn't like this from birth. The VA provides 12 hours per week aid service. I went and got my CNA License so I could atleast that small bit of pay. The VA will pay a spouse to care for a vet with dementia if you live in their service area. It is not in my county. I've tried everything. To put him in a Nursing Home will cost me an extra 338.00 per month above his income. He makes a little to much to qualify for Medcaid. Meanwhile, I cannot work on my social security or get any insurance. Where do I fit in to Obama Care?

I have read all the comments above. My heart goes out to all of you. My Dad has Alz and my siblings and I are really heartbroken because of the loss of my Dad's personality. But, I think of my Mom who is almost 90, been married for 64 years and now have lost her spouse to the terrible disease. She gets really frustrated because he cannot do the things he used to do, even wipe himself has become something that he needs help with. Never in his life would he ever allow his children to see him in situations that he finds himself in. If he fully realized, it would absolutely horrify him. He would never have spoken to my mom like he does now. She has threatened to put him in a nursing home, then says that she would never allow him to go there where she is not. Yes, I know from a childs heart, but I cannot ever fully imagine what you the spouse feels losing your life partner. My heart and prayers go out to each of you.

One thing we all caregivers have.... is a sense of duty. A sense of responsibility, and we all have compassion. We all have a rollercoaster of emotions on a daily basis! I've been taking care of my mom since 2006. At first I didn't know she had Alzheimer's and just thought she came to make my life miserable!!! She wasn't diagnosed until last year. Even after the diagnosis it seemed as though the entire medical community thought I was exagerating her symptoms. I even took pictures to show them her living habits. My husband was sympathetic....but didn't want to participate in her care. I felt ALL alone! Finally, I decided to stop asking...begging for help and started DEMANDING help. It wasn't easy, but now my mom is in an assisted living facility and I can visit her when I feel strong enough..and I no longer have to "take care" of her, but now have the oportunity to enjoy the woman she has become, without those feelings of guilt.

Jules.. My husband also sleeps in a hosp bed in same room, incontinent with 24/7 care... I come to work to rest. His son (30) is a pill head and no help. At least he goes to day care while I work so I get a little break. I feel for you. Check into respite care in your community or office for the aging, they may be of some help. You have to ask, no one is going to come volunteer, I tried to stay tough but that gets you no where and wears you down. You all are in my prayers.

@Jules5318, I'm so very sorry to hear of you loss, and it is actually a loss! I cannot imagine if it were my husband that I was caring for and not having the emotional ties that we once had! I know that it is hard, but just pray a lot and ask God to give you the strength you need to go on. My job with Mom is 24/7 also and it's like talking to a child. I have become the parent and she the child. I have NO sibling support or help, my husband works many hours a day so it's just her and I. I never get out of the house unless I take her to the Dr. I am looking into to getting some respite care. Someone to come to my house a few days a week for about 6 hours so I can get out of here and have some kind of normalcy! have you thought of that? You really need it! Love and Blessings to you and your husband.......V~

I'm 56 and my husband is 60. He has Picks Disease. He is like 8 years old and totally incontinent. He sleeps in a hospital bed in the same room as I. It has been going on now for 4 years. What about the loneliness and the compassion you miss. How do you get through that. I feel as if I'm fading away like him. He requires 24/7 care. He still knows family, but not much family relief.

I took care of my Dad for two years until he passed in 2008, two weeks after he passed my Mom had a massive stroke and I brought her to come live with me so that I could take care of her. In that first years time, she had a massive stroke which stole her ability to read, which she loved to do,she can't see colors anymore, then she had a heart attack and lung cancer....which ended up in the removal of part of her lung! For the past 5-6 years I have taken care of my parents in every sense of the word, bathing, feeding, dressing, medications etc....I feel so cheated by this nasty, horrible disease. It took two loving parents and my best friends from me. I never get any sleep, because Alzheimer's patients tend to stay awake all night and doze all day.....I'm exhausted, and then I find that when I want to rest, my Mom will tell me she can't imagine why I'm so tired all the time.....that crushes me! She tells me that I am the most incondiderate person she has ever known and all kinds of mean things like that. I quit my job to take care of them and keep them at home, then she talks to me like that. I know it's the disease, because when she was well, she would never had said things like that to me, we were best friends and had a blast together, now all I get is "blank stares" and forced laughs when I try to remind her of something funny we did or said. I don't think she remembers, but if I laugh she will laugh, and you can tell she doesn't really know what she is laughing at! How horrible it must be for the alzheimer's patient. I hate this disease, and I feel so alone and angry. I pray a lot and and I cry a lot! I miss her so badly, I don't even know this person I call Mom anymore!!!!! I pray that they will find a cure very quickly!!!

It is hard to get use to. I have been caring for my Mom for 2 months and sometimes she doesn't remember who I am and then she says I'm not as nice as I use to be. It gets frustrating.

My husband is 52, I have no one to confide in anymore or help make decisions. I miss him the old Donny so much. I lost a husband and gained a 4yr old.

How about those of us who are in our 50s and 60s caring for our Spouse, not our parent? As those in my support group agree, it is an even more difficult situation. We do not have a spouse as a helpmate at the end of a day after caring for the AD patient. Our helpmate is the one who has AD.