I struggle with this because first of all Father's Day is a made up holiday. No card is right either and he doesn’t care about it. This is not a Father K own Best world. I’m in a depressed state right now because of caring for my dad with dementia. I know who he was and it’s sad how he is now. I can’t change it. But it’s sucking the joy out of my life. He’s 96 and lived a good life till the last year. I believe I have a right to a good life too. Making some radical changes to survive and not die before he does. I will be seeing a therapist to help me with this.

Great points but I am still struggling with moving my dad in as he has made so many poor money decisions (in the 80s he was making 7 figures) and because of his (not mine) decisions I was forced to either leave him on the streets or move him in with me. Our relationship has never been great due to many things that occurred in the past but I’m doing the best I can but he is not making it easy. He only has SS but he makes too much to get any need based aid (the income maximums of these programs are INSANELY low), has no savings, no assets, no income and continues to spend money that he doesn’t have. No amount of conversation changes this behavior. He is 85 and has his faculties other than an inability to make good financial decisions. I am not financially able to assist other than providing a place to live as I just went thru a very expensive divorce and am looking at a high probability of having to sell my home. If that happens, he will have no where to go as I will not have room to move him in with me.

I just read this and it really hit home. My sister and I have basically been thrown into this whirlwind of taking care of our Dad so quickly that I have really been struggling to find the compassion that I need to do this right. He does deserve respect and dignity in my care for him and I must stop being selfish and feeling deprived of my life. He has always been and still is my Dad, no matter what. I guess I have just been overwhelmed and have not dealt with it properly. I just feel locked in this time warp that may last for months or even years and it's kind of like watching out the window at life passing me by and me not able to participate anymore. I will find my way, though. Actually, my Dad taught me how to be strong, to work hard, and to get the job done. I will find a way to do this right for him. Thanks for your article. God bless!!

A very good article to be read by and remind children, whether their parents have dementia or not.

You have once again found the right words to guide and strengthen us on this difficult, yet life-changing journey. You hit the nail on the head when you used "compassion." Many stressed caregivers have not sufficiently re-charged their own batteries and it is hard to muster compassion when taxed to the max. Getting assistance for yourself and your parent is a must!

Thank you for your article. This will be the first Father's Day we have spent without my father who was so precious to everyone in my family. I am going to share your article with my siblings, and I know you have brought some comfort to many of us. I appreciate the time you spend on this site!

Thanks for the nice comments.
I know that many of you struggle with Mother's Day, Father's Day, birthdays, Christmas - the list goes on. This FD article is kind of fitting for all holidays. I don't think you'll regret the decision to celebrate in some form, no matter how "out of it" your elder may seem.
Take care of yourselves, too. You are the greatest bunch of people! I'm honored to be one of you.
Carol

One of the reasons we build was to provide a place to preserve, share and pass on people's personal stories and photographs (if they had them). Family members could join together to add their stories and memories and so compiling a whole "book". We envisaged anyone who spent time with someone with dementia would have a wonderful resource available to them to engage their loved one in conversation triggered by memories of the past. New stories can be added by anyone invited to join the book.
In this way you will always be remembering your love one, the real person, the way they were rather than what dementia has taken from them.

Carol this is a wonderful article! Thanks for making time to write it and sharing great tips for making this journey better. It is a struggle not to shift into "I'll take care of it" when we need to still share every bit of life with our parents respectfully.

My Father passed away on January 16 of this year so this is my first father's day without him. He was a wonderful father to seven kids and a wonderful husband to my mom for 51 1/2 years. He was a wonderful Christian man who influenced others and impacted lives of so many. He was quite, sweet, humble, musically talented, kind, giving and so unselfish. He was so many things I can't possibly list them all. He worked so hard to provide for us children. Our home was always a happy home. He loved my mother with all his heart. We all miss him very much but we know that he is in heaven with his Lord and Savior. He loved the Lord and I know he is now no longer suffering which brings me peace but I sill have an empty space in my heart without him. To me he was simply the greatest man ever! Happy Father's Day Daddy! I love you very much!!!

Last Father's day I made my Dad current cakes. This was something my Grandma always made and my Dad really enjoyed. I had gotten a recipe from the internet, Grandma had taken it to heaven with her. I will always be thankful that I did this, the look on his face and the memories it brought back were wonderful for him. My Dad went to heaven July 25th last year... I miss him every day and am very thankful for the part he played in my life.