I pray that Flava has been able to reclaim her life since she wrote this five years ago.

I UNDERSTAND. MY NAME HAS BEEN CHANGE TO 24/7 NO SLEEP,NO BREAK,NO REST.I ASK FOR 2 HRS. AND COULD'T GET THAT FROM MY SIBLINGS. I HARDLY HAVE TIME TO TAKE A SHOWER AND I HAVE TO DO THAT WHEN MY MOTHER IS SLEEP,AND THATS SOMETHING SHE HARDLY DO----IS SLEEP AND SHE TELLS ME SHE HERE VOICES I TELL HER THATS NOT DEMENTIA THAT SOUNDS LIKE A MENTAL ILLNESS.SHE EATS 3 TIMES A DAY SO I'M COOKING 3 TIMES A DAY 7 DAYS A WEEK. EXCEPT WHEN I GOT SOME MONEY THEN I BUY HER BREAKFAST LUNCH AND DINNER. I FEEL GUILTY WHEN I GO GET THAT BECAUSE I HAVE TO LEAVE HER .I DON'T DO MY HAIR ANYMORE I JUST WEAR IT PULL BACK I'M IN NEED OF A MAKE OVER.AS FOR AS ISOLATIION I DON'T GET TO GO OUT LIKE I USE TO AND THE FRIENDS I THOUGHT I HAD SAID THEY GONNA COME OVER AND SIT WITH ME AND MY MOM NEVER REALLY SHOW UP JUST LIKE FAMILY MEMBERS. I DO HAVE INTERNET SO THATS THE ONLY CONNECTION TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD I DO HAVE.THERE ARE A FEW AND I MEAN A FEW I CAN CALL AND TALK TO OVER THE PHONE WHEN I NEED RE- ASSURANCE AND FEELING DOWN AND I DO HAVE MY MOMENTS.THERE ARE TIMES I JUST SIT AND CRY CRY.I LUV MY MOM SHE GAVE ME UP WHEN I WAS 4 CAME BACK IN MY LIFE AND SEPARATED ME FROM 2 OF MY SIBLINGS WHEN SHE CAME BACK FOR THEM AND NOT US. AND I WAS 8. SHE DIDN'T WANT ME BECAUSE I WAS DARK-SKINNED. I SEEN HER ONE TIME WHEN I WAS 15 AND THAT WAS THE LAST TIME I SEEN HER UNTIL 01-14-2011 AND NOW I'M 57.THE ONE SHE CAME AND GOT WOULDN'T GO GET HER FROM THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE AS SHE PUT IT HER NAME WAS NOT PUT ON MY MOM RELEASE PAPERS AND SHES NOT GONNA QUIT HER JOB FOR ANYBODY. I can't type any more excuse me another crying session sorry

I have to lie to my mom every time I need a break. Otherwise she would would make me more crazy than she already does. She doesn't have to have 24/7 care but she lives with me & hubby because she has mild retardation and no social skills. Besides wanting to do whatever I am doing, she constantly is eating potato chips. She can hardly hear, is going blind, and whistles and "meows" ALL the time. What is up with that? I won't even go to church with her. Not because I don't like church but just because I'd rather have 2 hours without her!
Everyone always says, just call if you need anything. But when I do they are always busy. Can't blame them though who wants to spend time with someone who just stares at you and whistles or meow's like a cat all the time?

Those in the disease business seem to speculate a lot on the causes of ALZ.

I don't know about dementia in particular but I do believe that in the case of Alzheimer diseases it's only early onset type that has a known genetic factor. Thankfully dementia is very rare in my families On my Dad's side, his mother had Alzheimer disease and on my mom's side, only my mom. Both my maternal and paternal ancestors are otherwise generally long lived and healthy.

Phew!

There is also the heredity and genetic factor. The risks of developing dementia are higher if someone in your family has it, I believe. My mom had it and her brother had it and my great aunt had it. This most likely leaves me more vulnerable to it. It scares me but what can I do? I took care of my mom for over 5 years and have other risk factors including depressing and stress.

JeanneGibbs makes a very good point. On the other hand, if the assertion is valid it might mean that there is a viral component to at least some forms of dementia after all.

On the third hand, isolation, poor nutrition, exhaustion and so forth can lead to lower functioning and this in itself can make people susceptible to all manner of illnesses. That said, no matter how bad it's been, I keep allocating the better part of the grocery budget to healthy foods, so at least I've been ahead there.

On the fourth hand, I think there are two books every caregiver should be provided with: First is "The Power." Second is "36 Hour Day."

Statistics can be a little misleading. Is it really that caregivers have dementia more often than noncaregivers, or could it be that caregivers get DIAGNOSED with dementia more often. Many people have had dementia several years by the time it is officially diagnosed. It may have taken 5 years to conclude that Pop has dementia. Mom has been taking care of him. Her children now know what to look for, what to suspect, and how to proceed. What are the chances that Mom will go 5 years with dementia before being diagnosed? I would say very, very small. The difference in the rate of diagnosis can make a big difference in the statistical picture. I don't think that fully explains the differences -- stress and isolation have got to be way up there also. And the advice for us caregivers to take care of ourselves is spot on.

I'm just not too panicked about catching dementia from my husband.

I understand that you love your husband and want to be together, but, you can spend time with him in the NH. He is total care and that is exhausting. You can't leave him alone. If you are financially set you could take him home and hire caregivers to do all the heavy lifting and someone to care for him so that you can sleep and run errands, etc. But if you do not have the finances I would strongly suggest that you leave him in the NH and just spend as much time as possible there with him. You are not abandoning him. Don't feel guilty. I wish you the best.

I have been contemplating bringing my husband home from the nursing home soon as I am getting ready to retire. He is in end-stage Alzheimer's (at the age of 66), has probably had Alz. for 10 years, and has been in the nursing home the past year due to progression of the Alz. I have been tossing around whether I can handle him (physically). He can't walk/talk/feed himself and a hoyer lift has to be used to get him from a bed to a chair and back. He is the love of my life and I so want us to be together. However, the article, your comments, and advice from others give me reason to really think this out before making a final decision..

I have been a caregiver for my wife for 12 years. Social life is nought. Lots of sad moments when I remember the early years of our life (married 59 years). My wife was very active and energetic. Now she is a shell. Stressed day is normal for me. But, I wouldn't trade it in for anything else in the world. Lots of love over the years. I worry about what will happen to her if I go first. All in all, I am glad to be her caregiver. Being able to help the Love Of My Life function is worth the stress and depression that goes with it all. Bernie G.

I don't want this "catching" disease. This is enough information to convince me to get out of the caregiving business. It's been 8 years of hell with no end in sight. Why should I sacrafice my life for someone who's la-la?

ehhhh, now this.

I was a caregiver for almost 6 years and would never have done it had I known what I was getting into. I loved my mom more than anything but I love me too.

Now I am in my post caregiving life and am in the middle of nice people and taking courses for my new career. I believe that you have to keep learning to save yourself from joining this statistic.

Chris in Fl I hear you. When I was a 24.7.365 caregiver I didn't even have time to do things like put cream on my hands.... When mom got cream, I got some from osmosis....

Friends always offered to come and sit with mom and when I would ask they would always be busy.... never failed and so no one EVER came. not once.

If I get it just drop me off somewhere; I would never do this to another person.

lovbob

Everyone is always saying to "take care of yourself," but how do you exercise, take a walk, even go to a support group when your parents need you there 24/7? It is more stressful to either leave them home alone or arrange for a neighbor or friend (a stranger to mom) come in for an hour or two.

Wow. that will certainly make people think more than twice before caring for their parents/relatives. I sure hope they take care of themselves first...even if it is for a hour walk away from the house.