I now work on focusing on my own behavior to not take a person, who repeats over and over -- to not take that behavior, I guess I could say, "personally." In my opinion, I think part of resentment felt at folks, who repeat over and over again, is what seems to be the thought ingrained by society that something must be done to fix it right now, sort of taking it "personally" as if we are responsible to fix it.
It does take practice but it is working for me.
As far as my mom, who is in memory care, and, yes, she has moments of repeating over and over -- I now perceive and accept my mom as a person in a different place (physically and mentally now at 85 years of age). I also have wonderful memories of days gone by to reflect on. I am making peace that the past is gone and trying to enjoy the time mom and I have left together. I am not her caretaker, she lives in memory care and has other adult children and loved ones keeping in touch and being supportive. That makes a difference. IMO, sort of like "it takes a village" but not saying that in a way to demean persons with dementia in their senior years.
My son repeated a series of questions ... but one day only ... before he died and i put on old perfume from when he was a kid and we looked at a scrapbook and talked about the pictures. He got better.
There must be something, other than age, that causes some people to repeat things.
My mother, whom my sister and I care for, is not too bad about repeating things. However, my husband and his mother repeat things over and over until I am tempted to throw myself through a window. My husband is only 45. His mother has had this trait since I first met her so it is not age related. His siblings do it to a lesser extent. His step-Dad and step-Sister don't do it at all. I've observed that it annoys a lot of people around them.
Mind you, when I say they repeat things, I don't mean they reminisce over old stories. On the contrary, my mother-in-law once repeated "the weather report said it's going to be 65 degrees today" so many times that my father-in-law and I both snapped simultaneously "hey, is it going to be 65 degrees today?"
My husband is even worse. His speech patterns are so repetitive my daughter's boyfriend asked her how he could talk for so long about the same thing. One of my son's friends asked if my son was so smart because his Dad has "some kind of diagnosis like autism or something." To our knowledge, he does not nor does his mother. Still, their communication style is distinctly different from other people.
Patients very much needed. yes it bothers me yes do I get mad, yes being a caregiver 24/7 for my mom last 9yrs. My problem is with my other siblings get mad @ my mother.who are never around.That's where need to control my patients
My mama is hopeless. She talks to me all the time about life back when she and my dad were married and how he cheated. They divorced when I was 7 and I am now 55, so it was a long time ago. I get tired of hearing those stories over and over. I know he was a cheater! They divorced! She used to have a great sense of humor and so much fun to be with. She is 74. She is loud in public, talks about people and horrifies me! I want to run away or hide under the table! She is no longer fun to be with. She stresses me. I have no stress in my life til I visit her. She talks about things that have happened and each day I talk to her, she tells me the same stories. I can't take it.
So you're telling me that it is natural and I will be that way? My grandmother of 94 doesn't do that. She is still fun to talk to and be with. My mama used to have a great sense of humor and was so much fun to go shopping with or out to eat with. Now, she embarrasses me. She talks TOO loud all the time and in public it horrifies me! I tell her to speak lower, she looks at me like she wonders who I am and continues to speak loudly and mean.
i also faced same issues .. my mum always repeating something tht been explain for over 20 times.. she seen disbelieving in what ever i am saying until she get the thing tht she real want. sometimes i try to be as nice kid to her.. but every time i tried to be the more resistance i get and nearly became so rude. i try to control my self as far i tried to... as result i had to stay away for a while not only to calm my angerness but also try to stave off myself as terrible and impertinent child to my mum.. i just want to calm my self.. i am trying to be more tolerant and i wont to be as me before.. :-(
A lot of dementia, Parkinson, or Alzheimers patients get very mean especially if they were like that when they were young. I believe this is someone who thought the world revolved around them married 5 times blaming everything on the other person. They never take responsible for their actions. These people who get a short term memory problem very hard to deal with. She had very little to do with family or her grand children now she is 86 expects everyone to drop everything and run to her side. She should have thought about her future as she was getting older. We still love her but she sure makes us unhappy to have to put up with her nasty mouth!
Yes, you do need to be patient but after so many years of listening to same old stories it is not right to let your health go down trying to care for them. You pray not to put them in a nursing home. They have lived their life now at your retirement you need to live yours and go visit them couple times a week. Sometimes people who try to care for their parents they die before the parent and it is not fair to their spouse, children and grand children. Everyone has a choice but do remember your spouse should come first and children and grand children in this order. I am not saying just put them away and forget about them.
Marilee's, You can't imagine how much I relate to your post and the frustration of listening to constant lies. He too has lied all his life and Everything becomes a lie and his past is becoming more grandiose and his reality is what he wants to make it, or wants make you believe. The frustration is horrible. I heard of a way to help you through those times that they defend their lies that are way out of this world. Replace "Bull$&!t" with the word "Amazing". Lying to the court is trickier. Good luck.
Good lord. I've lost all patience. The past 8 yrs my father repeats the same things over and over and over again. He continuously points out the mistakes I supposedly made. Only problem is, he is repeating lies and continues to lie. He lies to the doctors and lies to the court. I guess he's been lying his whole life, now with dementia, the lies are now his reality. He is 89 yrs old.
My dads dementia has increased since my moms passing recently . his repeated story is he wants to find his girlfriend from 60 years ago and insist that it was just yesterday . it is very hard to address this since I have took him to wear he thinks she lives to no avail did we ever find this mystery person and now he says he wants to walk because he knows how to get there by foot . just scares me that he will do that on his own and is frustrated with me because we did not find this person he is looking for . I am sure this person exist but somewhere 50 + years ago. Just so very hard to see my dad go this terrible episodes and really saddens me. I'm trying to be patient with him and have compassion for he has lost his lifetime partner of 65 years.
My mom has been repeating the same sentence quickly over and over again, like "please wash my hands" or "open the door". I think it's caused by her anxiety medications but unsure. Anyone have ideas? She also has chronic pain from several areas in her back (herniated bulging discs), RA, diabetes, and renal failure so is on dialysis.
I'm thankful for those rare occasions when I get my mom straightened out for the moment on what someone REALLY told her & she gets hysterical with laughter over the insanity & confusion her mixed up mind has caused. That's my mom & best friend, back down to earth for a cherished visit. This is the part of her that we try to hold on to for as long as we possibly can. It's the only time that either one of us feel like everything is ok, sure, we knew we're both most likely considered insane, but at least we're laughing at ourselves & each other & we're doing together, not alone.
Crisco, your words are so moving and sad and so eloquent. And I relate completely to your sadness as I have the same feelings about my mother; we also have to be so careful. It's devastating to think of what they go through and our own loss of them is equally painful. And then at the same time they can drive us completely crazy. Not easy... Thanks for sharing your experience because it also made me feel understood!
Thank you. I'm so glad I found & read this. I'm always reminding myself to be patient & understanding as much as possible with my mom and the best way to do that is put myself in her place & seeing how scary this is for her. But of course there are times that I need to be reminded & this is definitely a big help. My mom has always been my best friend & it's a nightmare watching her go through this terrible confusion. We have to be very careful of what tell her & how we say it. She can get the simplest information so twisted & out of control & end up scared to death & in deep depression over things that don't exist because her mind has taken something that one of us has recently told her, scrambled it, removing some of the info that we gave her & replacing it with something entirely different. This can happen within just a few minutes of talking to her. It's possible that it could have something to do with her hearing since I've noticed her mind is still sharp when it comes to remembering clearly what she has read in a book or the newspaper. Though loosing ones hearing can be scary & confusing for a person & everyone around them, it's not as horrifying & devastating as loosing ones mind.
Good article. and if the cause of the repetition is dementia or Alzheimer's then you can give different answer to the same question, and help open other doors.
I am learning all I can about elder issues, even about Alzheimer's/dementia even though my parents [mid-90's] don't have that disease at this point in time.... I know I want to be ready in case they do.
So glad I read this article. My mother is 88 and I worry about her a lot. For the past few months I notice that she repeats herself and also forgets a lot of things. I do my best to not get annoyed and answer her softly and patiently. I keep reminding myself that I too will age someday and would want my kids to treat me with dignity and respect and hopefully have the same patience that I have with her. It breaks my heart to see her aging and not being able to do the things she once did. She is frail and I help her all that I can. My father is 96 and God bless him because he is incredible for his age. His memory is amazing. He can do everything, he walks with a cane and very straight too. I thank God that he is this way. He helps my mother too. Just wanted to share this with everyone because I feel that it's so important to love your parents and treasure the time you have with them because you don't know when they will no longer be here.
I remember decades ago my Dad complaining how his Dad would keep telling the same stories many times over.... not the same day, but over a period of time.
Guess what, my Dad [now 92] is following in his Dad's footsteps for story telling. There is one point in Dad's life that I find most interesting was back in his college days, as it reminds me so much of the characters on the TV show "The Big Bang Theory" with the engineering lab, physics lab, etc.
A possible way to handle it: if you can see the need behind the question, and focus on solving it, it might help them feel satisfied and thus the question may dissipate.
I cherish and treasure all the stories no matter how many times they are repeated for one day I will be wishing I could hear them one more time. I think it is sweet and remarkable that they are reliving the memories that made them who they are and whom we love. If it makes them feel connected, heard and present then it is worth listening to every word. Enjoy them all.
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What to Do When a Senior Repeats the Same Things Over and Over
It does take practice but it is working for me.
As far as my mom, who is in memory care, and, yes, she has moments of repeating over and over -- I now perceive and accept my mom as a person in a different place (physically and mentally now at 85 years of age). I also have wonderful memories of days gone by to reflect on. I am making peace that the past is gone and trying to enjoy the time mom and I have left together. I am not her caretaker, she lives in memory care and has other adult children and loved ones keeping in touch and being supportive. That makes a difference. IMO, sort of like "it takes a village" but not saying that in a way to demean persons with dementia in their senior years.
Perhaps they type of things they repeat is more indicative of dementia, than the actually fact of repeating.
I think sometimes people repeat old stories over and over because they have no new experiences to discuss.
I have a friend in her late 20s who started doing this when she quit work and her sons were in school all day.
I got know how often this would work of course.
Any other ideas ?
My mother, whom my sister and I care for, is not too bad about repeating things. However, my husband and his mother repeat things over and over until I am tempted to throw myself through a window. My husband is only 45. His mother has had this trait since I first met her so it is not age related. His siblings do it to a lesser extent. His step-Dad and step-Sister don't do it at all. I've observed that it annoys a lot of people around them.
Mind you, when I say they repeat things, I don't mean they reminisce over old stories. On the contrary, my mother-in-law once repeated "the weather report said it's going to be 65 degrees today" so many times that my father-in-law and I both snapped simultaneously "hey, is it going to be 65 degrees today?"
My husband is even worse. His speech patterns are so repetitive my daughter's boyfriend asked her how he could talk for so long about the same thing. One of my son's friends asked if my son was so smart because his Dad has "some kind of diagnosis like autism or something." To our knowledge, he does not nor does his mother. Still, their communication style is distinctly different from other people.
You can't imagine how much I relate to your post and the frustration of listening to constant lies. He too has lied all his life and Everything becomes a lie and his past is becoming more grandiose and his reality is what he wants to make it, or wants make you believe. The frustration is horrible. I heard of a way to help you through those times that they defend their lies that are way out of this world. Replace "Bull$&!t" with the word "Amazing". Lying to the court is trickier. Good luck.
Guess what, my Dad [now 92] is following in his Dad's footsteps for story telling. There is one point in Dad's life that I find most interesting was back in his college days, as it reminds me so much of the characters on the TV show "The Big Bang Theory" with the engineering lab, physics lab, etc.