Time management for caregivers is so hard to master, and it really is a learning process. I found this blog post with some helpful tips: https://visitingcaregiving.com/time-management-tips-for-caregivers/
Love this! Learning as I go, burning out, depression, I can't leave mom alone? I now take my moments when my family come over, I'll go get a coffee or not, check the mail at a post office, or watch a movie in the next room (mom never likes to sit alone), and my house is spotless but not perfect because its my alone time...so I'm learning where I am now..I got lost looking after only mom for a bit.No, I'm not crazy..lol hagd
Creativeplayer, your profile reads: "I am caring for my husband, living at assisted living and the primary ailment is alzheimer's / dementia."
Do you and your husband both live at the assisted living facility? What is your own general health? Do you have family and if so, how are they involved in your care?
What level of care does your husband have in the assisted living facility? For example, does the facility allow their CNAs to help with toileting? If he needs greater assistance than is being provided by the CNAs, would the facility agree to provide it if he's assigned a higher level of care?
I would like to discuss having some time in spite of totality of caregiving 94 year old dementia husband. I am a creative - need time to write and or paint. Going crazy with being befuddled by age! - husband's
I'm glad this came to the top again. It is a great article.
Caregiving must be especially hard on perfectionists, and the lesson to "lower your standards" is one we can all use.
In her very insightful book, "Loving Someone Who Has Dementia," Pauline Boss talks about the "Good enough relationship." It isn't just closets and clothing choices and table manners we have to accept as good enough. With dementia we have to accept that the relationship is never again going to approach "perfect" -- that it will become one-sided, that assistance won't be reciprocal, that our loved one may even cease to recognize us. Accepting that and settling for good enough goes a long way toward keeping us sane.
Thank you for this article. Not reaching for perfection is a key idea for me! And I find if I don't take care of myself, I slide into depression, and then I can't get anything done! Actually, instead of joining a support group, I joined my church choir. The joy of singing with my beloved community has really helped!
Article and comments all are worthwhile suggestions! Thanks. My experience: learning to live without perfectionism was transforming for me. As to lost items: a pastor taught us "It ain't lost, its just under something." Amazing how often that is true. Thanks again, all of you. Piver
I used to worry a lot about not touching her personal stuff but the bathroom tray had shampoo, perfume nail polish etc around for not less than 20 ears just collecting dust until one day when cleaning up for a visit I grabbed the garbage bag and chucked everything. Not a word was said. since she is totally demented at this time she does not realize that all that stuff is gone. Getting her to take a bath is an impossible chore so I just let her stay that way until I cant stand it anymore. I no longer get worked up about creating big meals. A soup a sandwich, some yogurt or some eggs and toast is more than efficient for her. To give myself a break I will feed her and then take myself to lunch. I get a chance to spend Thursday evenings with my son as long as i leave her a meal and some snacks she is fine. Now starting to work part time in an office I can be away for a few hours without her panicing.
This is just a great article. The only thing I could add would be: 1 - Be as organized as you can possibly be. I was not an terribly organized person until I become a caregiver. It has made every aspect of my life easier 2 - With that said, just know your day will not go as planned. And let it go. Getting upset because of unplanned change, will be of no help to you our the one for whom you are caring. 3 - Use the Internet as often as possible for shopping. The shipping cost may be a bit more, but it will help you to plan ahead and will save you time. 4 - The most important tip for time management, do what you can and let the rest go. Don't beat yourself up. It won't make your situation easier
I'd like to be able to plan for emergencies because they keep popping up every other day or so (it could only be once a week but resolution takes so long - both good and ill - that it could be every other day). Sadly, it doesn't work this way and dealing with all the forms and arguments that are beaurocracy isn't something I can budget in because it always turns out to take longer than I anticipate.
Actually, even things that should be trivial take longer. As for finding lost things, I budget 15 minutes and then give up. Whatever it is will turn up when I'm not looking for it. I don't care HOW important it is. Unless it's life-saving. But now my mom has two inhalers and she has yet to lose both at the same time. And anyway, the homeopathic remedy works so well that she uses the inhalers less.
Time management just isn't feasible right now, no mattter how much I try, though.
The best tip I can give if you are caring for someone with dementia is learn to say "no" and then evaluate whether or not to say yes.
Do I actually need to drive to the store? No - there is an online service that will deliver in my area.
Do I actually need to drive to the doctors office for a weekly blood draw - maybe not. Ask if there is a draw station operated by a lab nearer your house and ask your doctor about using it....they can fax the req.
Do I actually need to give my loved one a full bath every day? Maybe not - I might do just as well with a no-rinse sponge bath that is less stressful on both of us
Do I really need to listen to other people's problems rather than finding friends who listen to me - NO! I am already a caregiver - we are friends which means it is a two way street.
Do I really need to eat standing up in the kitchen? No
Do I really need to come to this site for a daily lift and inspiration from Carol and other caregivers? YES!!!!
Gosh, this is a great article. My mom and I decluttered last year, and it gave us such a lift to have more space. (Plus, we decided to have a garage sale and made $600 in two days).
Here are a few more ideas I have picked up through the years:
- Keep a variety of get well cards and birthday cards on hand, so you don't end up making a special trip to the store when you need one.
- Call stores ahead to find out if they have items you need, and take advantage of online shopping when it's practical.
- When on the phone, use the speakerphone feature or a headset so your hands are free to do other things. (Avoid holding the phone to your ear till someone gets back on the phone 15 minutes later!)
- Cook less often, make twice as much, and have leftovers.
- Buy more clothes (especially towels and undergarments), so you can wash clothes less often using bigger loads.
- Consistently look for ways to combine trips. If a doctor's office tells you they can see you on a specific date, instead of just taking the one they give you, check your calendar. See if they can see you on a day when you already have plans to be in town.
- Create a shelved area in the basement for non-perishable foods (cans, boxes, etc.) that you can buy in bulk when there are good sales.
- (If you live where it gets cold in the winter) Stock up on things like cat litter, Kleenex, and toilet paper on sale during the spring, summer, and fall months, so you don't have to deal with lugging this stuff home when it's -20 degrees and the wind is 35 mph.
- Have an assigned place in your house for things like glasses and car keys; avoid spending 10 minutes looking for them when you want to leave the house.
- When you run into a problem that requires reading an owner's manual (oven, dishwasher, microwave), make a note of the resolution you found and put it near the front cover--or circle it in the manual-- because you're likely to have the same problem again after you've long forgotten how you fixed it last time.
- If you lose an owner's manual, don't despair, just go online. Most companies these days post their owner's manuals on their website. Make sure you know your model number.
13 Comments
First Oldest
First
Time Management Strategies for Caregivers
Do you and your husband both live at the assisted living facility? What is your own general health? Do you have family and if so, how are they involved in your care?
What level of care does your husband have in the assisted living facility? For example, does the facility allow their CNAs to help with toileting? If he needs greater assistance than is being provided by the CNAs, would the facility agree to provide it if he's assigned a higher level of care?
Caregiving must be especially hard on perfectionists, and the lesson to "lower your standards" is one we can all use.
In her very insightful book, "Loving Someone Who Has Dementia," Pauline Boss talks about the "Good enough relationship." It isn't just closets and clothing choices and table manners we have to accept as good enough. With dementia we have to accept that the relationship is never again going to approach "perfect" -- that it will become one-sided, that assistance won't be reciprocal, that our loved one may even cease to recognize us. Accepting that and settling for good enough goes a long way toward keeping us sane.
My experience: learning to live without perfectionism was transforming for me.
As to lost items: a pastor taught us "It ain't lost, its just under something." Amazing how often that is true.
Thanks again, all of you. Piver
Getting her to take a bath is an impossible chore so I just let her stay that way until I cant stand it anymore. I no longer get worked up about creating big meals. A soup a sandwich, some yogurt or some eggs and toast is more than efficient for her. To give myself a break I will feed her and then take myself to lunch. I get a chance to spend Thursday evenings with my son as long as i leave her a meal and some snacks she is fine. Now starting to work part time in an office I can be away for a few hours without her panicing.
1 - Be as organized as you can possibly be. I was not an terribly organized person until I become a caregiver. It has made every aspect of my life easier
2 - With that said, just know your day will not go as planned. And let it go. Getting upset because of unplanned change, will be of no help to you our the one for whom you are caring.
3 - Use the Internet as often as possible for shopping. The shipping cost may be a bit more, but it will help you to plan ahead and will save you time.
4 - The most important tip for time management, do what you can and let the rest go. Don't beat yourself up. It won't make your situation easier
Actually, even things that should be trivial take longer. As for finding lost things, I budget 15 minutes and then give up. Whatever it is will turn up when I'm not looking for it. I don't care HOW important it is. Unless it's life-saving. But now my mom has two inhalers and she has yet to lose both at the same time. And anyway, the homeopathic remedy works so well that she uses the inhalers less.
Time management just isn't feasible right now, no mattter how much I try, though.
Darn.
Do I actually need to drive to the store? No - there is an online service that will deliver in my area.
Do I actually need to drive to the doctors office for a weekly blood draw - maybe not. Ask if there is a draw station operated by a lab nearer your house and ask your doctor about using it....they can fax the req.
Do I actually need to give my loved one a full bath every day? Maybe not - I might do just as well with a no-rinse sponge bath that is less stressful on both of us
Do I really need to listen to other people's problems rather than finding friends who listen to me - NO! I am already a caregiver - we are friends which means it is a two way street.
Do I really need to eat standing up in the kitchen? No
Do I really need to come to this site for a daily lift and inspiration from Carol and other caregivers? YES!!!!
Thank you for this article
Here are a few more ideas I have picked up through the years:
- Keep a variety of get well cards and birthday cards on hand, so you don't end up making a special trip to the store when you need one.
- Call stores ahead to find out if they have items you need, and take advantage of online shopping when it's practical.
- When on the phone, use the speakerphone feature or a headset so your hands are free to do other things. (Avoid holding the phone to your ear till someone gets back on the phone 15 minutes later!)
- Cook less often, make twice as much, and have leftovers.
- Buy more clothes (especially towels and undergarments), so you can wash clothes less often using bigger loads.
- Consistently look for ways to combine trips. If a doctor's office tells you they can see you on a specific date, instead of just taking the one they give you, check your calendar. See if they can see you on a day when you already have plans to be in town.
- Create a shelved area in the basement for non-perishable foods (cans, boxes, etc.) that you can buy in bulk when there are good sales.
- (If you live where it gets cold in the winter) Stock up on things like cat litter, Kleenex, and toilet paper on sale during the spring, summer, and fall months, so you don't have to deal with lugging this stuff home when it's -20 degrees and the wind is 35 mph.
- Have an assigned place in your house for things like glasses and car keys; avoid spending 10 minutes looking for them when you want to leave the house.
- When you run into a problem that requires reading an owner's manual (oven, dishwasher, microwave), make a note of the resolution you found and put it near the front cover--or circle it in the manual-- because you're likely to have the same problem again after you've long forgotten how you fixed it last time.
- If you lose an owner's manual, don't despair, just go online. Most companies these days post their owner's manuals on their website. Make sure you know your model number.
Best wishes!