JustHere2, I hear you! It's hard to stay out of things. At some point your assistance will be welcomed, I'm sure. It's hard to accept help at first. Let them know you're there for them & eventually they will allow you to do what you can. Best of luck.

All of these articles and responses are very helpful and informative and I thank all of you. Our problem is my Mother, caregiver to my Father who has some kind of mystery condition prompted from surgery three and a half years ago to repair a dissected aorta. He is now 85 and mother is 84. Her problem is she won't let anyone else help! I grocery shop for them and we talk on the phone a couple times a day but she really doesn't want anyone in the house (which has always been clean and everything in its place). She needs some kind of respite help with my Dad but I can't convince her and her anxiety problem is mounting, depression has always been an issue, chronic worrying and a touch of OCD. I have been so frustrated with her because she won't let me help and my doctor advised me to let them be because I truly don't understand what their relationship has been like all these years and just to be available to them if and when they want something. That's been hard to do but it's getting a little easier. But for the Grace of God, I don't know what to do.

Florimond, I know her behaviors are tough to deal with, but for a 92-year-old, I'd say your mom is not completely atypical. The things she is hoarding may seem sensible to her, especially if she grew up during the Depression and Workd War II. (My late grandmother saved every single rubber band she could get her hands on, as well as anything else that had been rationed or scarce - paper products, canned goods, etc., and yes, even broken, useless pots and pans because they could possibly be fixed, so throwing them way was, in her mind, wasteful.) Your mom is likely set in her ways and won't accept help for these behaviors. You might make it easier on yourself by simply accepting that having all the extra stuff on hand gives her a feeling of security, provided she isn't impoverishing herself by overspending. That said, my grandmother did later develop dementia, but that wasn't until later, so I think you're smart to be watchful of her.

One other thought, for anyone with a parent suffering from anxiety: a couple of months ago, I read that some anxiety can be caused by a magnesium deficiency. I asked my dad's doctor to prescribe him a magnesium supplement, and though he was skeptical to say the least, he agreed to it. Amazingly, my dad's anxiety became much more manageable - just about overnight. He still takes psychiatric meds because his behaviors can be dangerous otherwise. But he's much happier, with general anxiety much less pronounced. Magnesium takes careful management to avoid problems with digestion, but for us it was a real help.

I apologize for all my typos. I am the world's worst typist. I hope you're able to read that my mother hoards and is displaying a worsening of her anxiety, particulalrly in relation to her family. She refuses psychological help.

I just returned from a week with my 92 year old mother, who is having health problems associated ith her age. We hired a helth care aide and sold Mom's car so things are under control. Mom is mentally sharp but I've noticed psychological problems that have worsened over the years. She cannot throw anything away. I found many broken potsbp and pans, totally unusable, stacked in the garage. When I told Mom to toss them, she balked. In the guest bathroom, I discovered bags filled with a lifetime of hotel amenities. I threw them out while Mom wasn't
looking. Mom buys anything on sale. I found 18 bottles of clothing detergent and stacks of paper products. I had to toss packages of pasta, bottles of dressing, and more because of expiration dates going back years. I have done these things periodically over the years (I live far from my mother) but it's become
worse. Most upsettings that my mother's chronic worrying has become intractible. If she doesn't get thm on the phone when she thinks they should be home, she imagines thy've been killed. She calls me in a panic to see if I know what happened to them. She has always had these tendencies but now they've become truly pathological. My suggestions to seek help are met with dismissal. My brother refuses to deal with it so I'm "it" even though my brother lives 15 minutes from Mom. Should I just give up? She calls me three times a day so I can't avoid the problem because if I don't answer the phone, she'll go nuts.

Unfortunately, mom is 87 and will not speak to a psychiatrist. She insists she is fine and that I am trying to put her "in the nut house". She is classified as DSM 300, which is anxiety, dissociative and somatoform disorder. She says she is "fine", but we all know she is not. Cognitive therapy will not help with coexisting dementia.

Actually some mild obsessive-compulsive disorder [OCD] is good because then the person will keep everything in a nice orderly fashion making it easier for those who care for them. Plus, if they are a real stickler for detail, their affairs will be updated so one won't need to worry if the Will, Trust, POA, etc. is current.