Sammien,
thats exactly what my brother did......he closed out the accounts that were in our 3 names!

I started managing my Mother's finances when my Dad died a year ago. Due to the complexity I spend an average of 10 hours/week. I am her POA. Can I charge her for this work? If so what are the fee structures. She is not on Medicaid. I had to reduce my work hours due to the ongoing time spent managing her affairs.

I have a POA for my mother and began managing her finances 1 year ago. How to I estimate payment for my services? I have decreased my work hours to accommodate this responsibility. Her finances are complex and take an average of 10 hours week.

What happens if your parent gets a $80 compensation check, due to debt cant establish a bank account but needs the check to pay life insurance premiums

Thanks for the list! marymmk

I have Durable POA on my father. He refuses to add me or my other siblings on his bank account. The psychiatrist wrote a memo that states he cannot handle finances due to dementia. The credit union refuses to add me, can they do it without his presence? What happens if he passes? How do we sell the house (needs alot of repairs).

My dad's health has taken a turn for the worse unexpectedly. He is in hospital unable to communicate and we are not sure how long to recover. How do we take control of his finances /assets at this stage.

Is it possible to receive a copy of some of your guides by mail, since my printer does not work. It would be appreciated. Thanks, Sam

meals on wheels

Let me also add this. Beware of what lies are told by a parent to other people about the only person who really cares about them. When push comes to shove, the one who really cares will be the one who everyone is calling a abuser. Do you know why, because no other family member has ever stepped up to care for them. So easy for the parent to lie. Please, if you are in a parent child relationship for your own benefit, financially, don't get in this website and complain. I have nothing to gain from my mother, she has nothing but a $50,000 life insurance policy that I will now be paying for and this old kook may live for 20 years. My husband and I will be spending $400 a month minimum and may never recoup this money. I am tempted to cancel the policy, my POA and let the state have her mean self. ReLize this, I have taken care of her drama more years than she has taken care of me.

Don't do a thing, mean parents deserve a mean end. I have been berated, belittled, lied about, put down and stomped upon by my mother who uses me to make herself a victim. Save yourself, check out and let the one she appointed do it.

I think that is a great tip! However, I would like to add that individual states should be considered as well. I filed late this year for TYE 2013 for federal and state for mom and step-father ~ I hold POA for both. I signed returns for both as POA, included copies of POA (highlighting language related to federal and state income taxes) and sent certified mail. Federal refund was received quite promptly. State has still not been received 7 months later.

This topic is vital. People facing dementia of any variety have a whirlwind of issue to face. At a minimum, solid Powers of Attorney should be drafted. Too often I see weak, wrong or outdated POAs in place. That is the first, but not the last concern for Elder Law Estate Planning Attorneys.

Complicated. My father passed away 3 months ago. I was his Medical POA. My sister was Finacial POA of my father and mother and medical POA of my mother. Please note, my father was hospitalized with a terminal illness and my mother was diagnosed with dementia and feels she was forced to sign these papers), I received a tx message at 0303 that my mothers bags were packed and I had to take her to the state I reside.
During the care of my father, his wishes were for my mother to be in my care, due to the unhealthy relationship that my sister has with my mother and I. My sister was reported to Adult Proctive Service by a physician, for medical neglect of my mother.
Since, I have moved my mother to the state that I reside, my mother is domiciled in this state and she hired a attorney to appoint me as the POA of finances and medical, which revoked my sister. Unfortunately, after my sister recieved notice that she was "Revoked", $$$$ was removed from several of my parents accounts. My mother has hired attorneys in two states to assist in the estate.
My sister insist that my POA is invalid, although it was completed by an attorney and not a form printed off line.
My sister has now refused to pay any of the bills that are consider in the trust. She is stating my mother is incompetent and taken the role of Co-Trustee of the family trust.
I have had my mother tested by a neuropsychologist and she is deemed compent over her financial matters.
I have found out today that none of the bills have been paid. I do not have access to pay these bills. Any thoughts???
The attorney seems as frustrated as me

I had all of the above documents and thought we were well planned for our parents but when the actual time came for me to execute my DPOA I discovered that the federal government does not recognize it and I should've had a Payee Representative form. I was very upset as we paid a lot of money to a very reputable attorney to do this for us. He should've added this to his paperwork and I have since told him so. I'd like to share this with everyone.

H20user - I'm sorry you are going through this, but I can relate. My stepfather has always been verbally abusive to mom and me, and now that I convinced him that he could be jailed for abusing mom, he has turned all his anger on me. He has physically attacked me 3 times and cornered me another time. I have both their POAs. Things are getting bad and he's trying to get me to leave. He is also rearranging all the furniture and ruining the beautiful job my mom did decorating their house. APS was of no help at all - stepfather and sister are both pathological liars. APS rep said stepfather and I need counseling and that will resolve everything. Hardly!! Not when stepfather won't be honest about anything. I may have to take mom and leave but I'm disabled and can't work, still waiting on disability decision so not sure where we would go. Extremely depressed and feel trapped.

I just recently had to take over the bill payment for my Dad. My Mom use to do all the budgeting/finances but has since passed. One day while visiting Dad I happened to have noticed current bills mixed in with the recycling, and saw on Dad's desk bills that were over due. Oops.

Oh my gosh, this has turned into a full-time job... going on-line and trying to change addresses so the bills come to me and not to Dad.... love the ones that ask for a "pin" number, have no clue what the number would be and Dad [94] wouldn't know.

And Dad has dozens of 3-ring binders with all sorts of financial information, and trying to match mix-matched papers has been a chore. Stocks go back to the 1960's.... [sigh]. And there are gaps, heavens knows where those papers are hiding !! I did find some missing Medicare paperwork in the binder for the car repairs.

Whew, just this past week I was finally able to consolidate all the checking and savings accounts into one bank, instead of having these accounts scattered in various banks. Wasn't until after the fact that I noticed that Dad's Social Security check and pension check went to an account that I had closed. Was able to get the Social Security check to the correct bank via on-line, but will need to call the pension group in person as the on-line site wasn't user friendly... hope I can speak with a human.

Then all the change of addresses as Dad recently moved into Independent Living, finally, he and Mom should have done that years ago... then they could have done all this paperwork :P

Stepdad has Med POA and I have Fin POA for my mother. He appears normal to most but is jealous of mother daughter relationship and would like me not to associate with her. Has stroke granddaughter with cane and attempted to hit me. I think my Mom needs to rewrite her will and Med POA.

These are great tips that can help adult children manage the finances of their aging loved ones. This is very important especially now that most seniors will need long term care. Its cost is devastating so it's important that you have an idea whether your parents have insurance products and other investments that can help cover their future long-term care needs. In addition to this list, I think adult children should know if their parents applied for reverse mortgage. Why? If your parents applied for reverse mortgage and died, the lender will take their home. This is a big problem if you'll inherit their home. It's important to know these things in order to avoid inconveniences and financial woes in the future. To those who are asking what is a reverse mortgage can refer to these helpful resources:


http://portal.hud.gov/hudportal/HUD?src=/program_offices/housing/sfh/hecm/rmtopten

http://www.revmortgage.org/education/what-is-a-reverse-mortgage/

http://www.consumer.ftc.gov/articles/0192-reverse-mortgages

When I took over finances for Mom and her husband, they were so bad we had to file bankruptcy for both. As bad as that was, it was a blessing in some ways because it was the opportunity to stop all the bad spending habits. All the credit cards were shredded and accounts were closed. All they had left were their bank cards. I told them they could never be used online for any reason whatsoever and they believed me. I told them all charges of that type would need to be charged on my credit card and paid back to me. So that is how we have handled for the last 4 years. Step-father has started getting a little out of control again but I'm working on reigning him back in. I have POA for both. Mom has Frontotemporal dementia but he is becoming very forgetful. Both are 75. He still works part-time. I live with them and manage all finances, grocery shopping, etc.. He is typical man and resents not having control over everything so is very passive aggressive. Will buy things knowing I just bought them and let them go to waste. Anyway, bankruptcy was a humbling experience for both of them, at the time. Mom no longer remembers it even happened. Step-father takes advantage of memory loss. Recommend having ducks in a row as early as possible, including POA, will, advance directives, organ donation, burial vs. cremation decisions, etc. Can be the cause of many family problems - especially between siblings and / or when step-families are involved!! Good luck to all of us traveling through this journey ...

My mother doesn't have enough to go into a facility and has to much to get Medicaid. Can you charge her her rent to be Abe to get her Medicaid and then will she be able to get accepted into a facility?

My parents are 81- my Mom was just put into a memory care unit in mid to late stage alzheimers. My Dad has the finances to pay the expensive cost of assisted living for her. We think he just had a minor stroke, tests are currently being conducted and his memory is slipping- in the event of his death everything goes to Mom and she is mentally incapacitated. What does he need to put in place so that we can keep Mom in the AL center in the event he becomes incapacitated or worse passes away first. my brother and I are listed on the will as splitting everything after they pass away. I am afraid if he dies we wont be able to access his IRA, bank or sell the house to keep Mom in the facility.

When one healthy parent is the caregiver of the other who has dementia, what are the financial problems of assisted living costs vs. keeping the home environment and thus having capital left for the healthy spouse when the sick parent has to enter a nursing home?

What do you do when you have a durable power of attorney for a couple with Alzheimer's and no children and you need to corral their spending and cannot with the POA?

It helps to have your financial ducks in a row so that when/if you need your spouse or adult child(ren) to take over the transition isn't a nightmare.

Good points. Loved one just passed.we had none of these answers. Also we had no final instructions and no funds. Not only are we dealing with grief, we were scrambling to make the most appropriate and respectful last decisions. Please have the talk. Have some plan of action. It will help everyone.

Don't depend on Long term care Insurance to pay out when you need it. Like disability insurers they will do their best to find excuses not to pay. If you have the means try and save up six months worth of nursing home expences. that way you can choose the home you are admitted to and self pay till the money runs out. When you have to rely on Medicare you have to accept he first bed available no matter the reputation of the facility. if you already have a bed somewhere Medicare can not make you move which can be very reassuring. The premiums for long term care are very expensive so saving as an alternative should not be too difficult.

i live with my mom . my sister has control of finiances. im lost help me please patrick

A simple way - if you trust the other person, you can have both names on any checkwriting accounts, includes Banks and Financial Institutions. Either person has power to empty out accounts if necessary.

What do you do if your mother refuses to admit she has a problem and if asked about any financial matters she refuses to tell you? She's at the point where she's losing money, literally, but insists that she knows what she's doing and won't allow any of us to help her. She also refuses to go to a doctor or admit that she has any memory problems despite asking the same questions repeatedly, telling the same stories over and over and accusing my brother of stealing from her. All classic signs of dementia from what I've been reading here. I have POA but she has to be declared incompetent before it's in effect and I live 3 hours away from her.