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How to Stop Being So Hard On Yourself


This article is just as relevant now as it was six years ago when it was posted. I'm glad it gets brought up to the top every now and then.

This negative thinking was a problem for me as a young woman. I learned some humility and that helped! Being a perfectionist is an extremely hard role to play. Admitting that I wasn't perfect and was never likely to be helped me to be less hard on myself. Allowing other people their imperfections helped me be less angry and/or disappointed.

AnnabelleB, it doesn't sound like your problem is being hard on yourself. It sounds like you are facing very hard situations that are not fully within your control. Please post again in the Questions section, as a new post. You'll get responses from people who have dealt with caring for someone who doesn't sleep at night!

i'm too tired to read the article. i can't get enough sleep because my mom makes so much noise anmd her walker scraps the floor all the time. my left eye is twitching insanely. please for god's sake someone help me!!!!!

Thanks for your support. I'm suprised how good it was to get all that out of my head. Ido take meds but have already decided to ask my psychiatrist about maybe a change. I have been on them for @5yrs,different doses. Time for a change maybe,at least a tweak. I applied for disability june 2014,denied oct 2014. I have a lawyer and we are still waiting for a hearing date. Though I have been procrastinating additional paperwork for the lawyer. This is symptomatic of part of my problems with depression. No focus,concentration,organization. Totally forget @ for weeks and months. I know my leaving just weeks after his dad died has something to do with it. Though he probably hasn't even realized. I have told him we are both too emotionally exhausting to make any major changes after such a tough 3/4 years. He seems to actually accept that idea anyway.
Thanks again soooo much for you kind words.

Laurabb, keep seeing the therapist and psychiatrist. If you don't think the therapist is helping and that isn't a good fit, find another one.

Talk this over with the therapist, but from what you write here I would be tempted, in your spot, to take hubby up on his threat to leave. "You are right. We don't seem to be able to be good for each other right now. Thank you for offering to leave. Let's try a separation for 3 months and see how we feel then." See a family law attorney to see what your options are. (Use the money you would shop with.)

Perhaps you will be better off (if the pain allows it) to get a job to support yourself. Are you on disability?

You took care of his father for over a year and and now hubby is hyper critical that you aren't bringing in income? Or that you spend time with your parents? Or what? Can this marriage be saved? Sounds like it would take a lot of work and two willing people. Discuss this with your therapist.

You need therapy. You need meds. You need caring supportive people in your life. Which one are you missing? Fix that.

I have been impulsively shopping and buying things I dont need as my way of coping. This has caused so much more stress . I have been traveling back and forth to my parents 600miles away for the past 3years and my father-in-law here at home for 1yr 10months until his death in February. The past 3 months again at my parent's home. My husband has been hyper critical and tells me I have been doing nothing really, i have no income. And threatens to go or tells me to go. I see a therapist and psychiatrist take meds, i don't have any motivation or energy my chronic pain conditions have gotten unmanageable. What to do?

As a statistic, yes, girls are more self-critical than boys. Unfortunately, some of them limit it to worrying about the size of their booty, not about right and wrong. But of course everything is a bell curve. You can find women who never question themselves, and men who always do.

i like this article but cant agree entirely with it. i dont imagine females being any more self critical than males and without self evaluation / critcism we would never repair our flaws. like everything, this probably boils down to proportion. yes and / or no are childsplay but " how much " is where things get complicated.

@ Capn, yes I am learning and continue to learn the old fashioned way, the school of hard knocks, Watsa matta U. Problem is when they do take you out in cuffs from the delusions and then it is no fun in a cell waiting for someone to believe you, been there done that and got that T shirt, but it aint in the drawer, I wear it now proudly and remind myself what is what.

@ madeaa,
sounds like your learning from this experience. as the elder regresses they may say more and more hurtful and off the wall stuff. we took my mom to the hospital one night after a day of bad hallucinations. she told everyone in the room that when " they " catch on to me ill do a hundred years in jail. i told her that sounds pretty good and stuck my arms out to be cuffed. we all had a chuckle and went on with the business at hand. dementia and depression patients suffer from persecutory delusions. everybody is a'gin em.


i care for my FIL 16hrs a day.i smile all day long.when i get home i start in on myself about everything.the smile goes away.i use to be a happy person