This is such great information. I found this blog post with more information that could be helpful: https://www.nursingplusbroward.com/blog/aging-parents-home-health-care/
Good article to help us all along this journey of caring for aging parents. It's hard on us trying to care for them and presumably even harder for them when they are aware of their physical and cognitive decline.
As usual for the "American way," you can get all the help that you can afford. If you can't afford any help, you don't get any. People who can afford everything under the sun won't help the people who don't have anything.
How do I get my mom help. She has 80% the signs of Alzheimer's. Her mother has is to and in the final stages of it. But my mom is taking care of my mentally ill brother who is 34 but has the brain of a 12 year old. And she won't listen to me and won't let me help. She is constantly fight with me and him. And won't let me go to any dr appointment saying everything is fine. How do I get help for her and make sure my brother is taken care of?
Does anyone have any advice on when it comes time for elderly parents to stop driving? I know that talking that independence away often results in a lot of resistance.
I have to disagree - the financial burden is not the children's. The money to pay comes from the elder's assets and then Medical Assistance. Laws vary by state, so you must do your research.
Caregiving is on a spectrum, so the solution must match the need. Without knowing more details on the reasons you believe your parent needs help, it's hard to comment. Maybe it's twice weekly housekeeping or maybe it's 24/7/365 skilled nursing? Or something in between. At any rate, if your gut is telling you something isn't right, something is really not right. Always listen to your gut.
What to do first - get a socialworker involved.
My mother needs 24/7 supervision due to Alzheimers and other conditions. I am not trained or able to manage someone with progressive brain disease in my home with my family. Nor am I willing to. My kids deserve a life, and that can't happen if they are living in the middle of a dementia ward (our home).
Home is our sanctuary from life.
My mother is in a facility where there is fresh staff that come on duty every shift. She is safe from herself and the world. She is sure to be fed, medicated, bathed, changed, and groomed on a schedule. The people there are trained and physically able to deal with combative elders, and I am not. Her food is dietetically prepared for her high blood pressure, high blood sugar, and is low fat. I can't cook special meals 3x/day at my house.
She sees a doctor, a geriatric psych, a beautician, PT, OT, dentist right there on site. I don't have to take time off work to run her to appointments. She doesn't have to go outside in the winter and risk falling.
She has a predictable daily schedule, which is really important to dementia patients. This would not be possible at my house.
The facility does her laundry, I do not.
The idea of an inheritance is a myth these days unless the patient was unbelievably wealthy and planned ahead. My mother did not plan ahead, and did not put her money into annuities and trusts ahead of time, so yes, we are going to spend every penny there is on her care. There will be nothing left for us after, and that's the way it is. No sense getting upset over it because I can't change it. We could have avoided this 10 years ago if she'd been willing to work with me & the bank, but she wasn't, so here we are.
I also could not quit my job, abandon my own financial responsibilities, my bills, my family, and our needs to care for my mom. I needed a job before, and I still do. I appreciate the fact there is a facility where I can place her.
All the above reasons are good, but a second consideration of placing a parent in a care home is the cost. What type of care do you get for $3,000 a month and $6,000 a month drains the parents of all their possession and become a financial burden for the children.
My wife and I have helped her sister who is 58, her health is bad, over weight 300lbs, diabetic, has 2 dogs that she doesn't take care of, she doesn't bath properly or use the restroom, and doesn't take her med correctly, she's fallen down and we have to get 2-3 poeple to pick her up. I don't want to go into much detail, but she thinks she's fine, and no family wants to help her cause everyone gets sick form her place. Who should we contact to get maybe the state involved? thanks
I'm the horrible, bossy, pushy daughter who got fed up with mysterious medical incident after incident with my mom, 1800 miles away. There came a day where my husband & I decided what was to be done. We just caught a lucky moment when she had been scared by her own imagination of what was going on in the dark (sundowners) and laid it out. You are comn up here near us and that's it. I should mention that I had been trying the "let's please work on this together" way for 18 years & getting nowhere. In October we went down, packed her up, put ehat we could on a moving truck, and drove more back in the cars. Yes, it was hard, highly emotional, confrontational, and theatric. But she's rescued from her filth, unsafe conditions, and having to cover up all the time. She's in a senior apartment now with 3 meals a day, nursing staff, and 55 channels on tv. The agony to do it is over now. I think she secretly wanted somebody else to fix it, despite protesting very loudly the entire way. It wasn't neat, clean, or a complete move, but we got what was important: her.
What happens when your parents don't agree on the course of action that should or will be taken about their long term care? My father (91) wants to make sure that if something happens to him he will be taken care of and even more important if something happens to my mom (89) she is taken care of and he will also because he doesn't drive and has trouble seeing and hearing. My mother doesn't want to discuss it. She is steadfast against moving to assisted living on the grounds that they can't afford it and she, her words "doesn't want to give up doing the things she still can do". They are both in relatively good health for the ages and currently live in an apt. that is NOT senior friendly or equiped. I'm not sure how to reslove this issue.
Many elders are in denial that they need help. This is common, who among us would ever want to admit we need help, especially after being independent for so many years. No one wants to have to impose on anyone to have to go out of their way to help, I sure know I wouldn't and neither did my Dad. And one reaction to cover the truth of the matter, is anger, and pushing away those that try to help us the most, especially if they have dementia, which was the case in my own Father's situation. But sometimes we must force our help on them, because it is for their own safety and well being. I had to do this with my own Dad, and I do not regret it for a minute. And in the long run, shortly before he died, he finally accepted that I loved him, and would do anything to help him, and to keep him safe. There are no right or wrong answers, as all situations and people are different, but just do what is in your heart, and your gut. If your heart and your gut tell you to do a certain something for your parent, then do it immediately. Do not wait for something worse to happen, because it will. Good luck to all you angel caregivers, you are so wonderful, and be good to yourself as well.
I just liked how the prophet Nathan kinda came in the 'back door' so to speak, and got his point across. I do believe it would still work today. Different words, same idea.
Jaye, I don't know if you're familiar with the Bible or not, but there is a prime example of drawing a 'word picture' for someone that got the point across to a king who was in denial, and at the same time didn't get the messenger's head taken off. It's found in 2 Samuel 12: 1-7. Really those seven verses do paint a picture of how to talk to someone who is NOT receptive, but still drive a point home. Check it out. I'm not deliberately trying to be vague, it's just that it would take longer for me to explain, than for you to read for yourself what I'm talking about.
My parents need help... I know they do and believe me I have tried... My Mother got very nasty and yelled at me that they are fine... They do not want help and I have just backed off... I feel badly and guilty and everything... however you can not make someone accept help if they do not want it!!! Anyone have any advice to offer me???
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How to Know When Your Elderly Parents Need Help at Home and When to Intervene
Caregiving is on a spectrum, so the solution must match the need. Without knowing more details on the reasons you believe your parent needs help, it's hard to comment. Maybe it's twice weekly housekeeping or maybe it's 24/7/365 skilled nursing? Or something in between. At any rate, if your gut is telling you something isn't right, something is really not right. Always listen to your gut.
What to do first - get a socialworker involved.
My mother needs 24/7 supervision due to Alzheimers and other conditions. I am not trained or able to manage someone with progressive brain disease in my home with my family. Nor am I willing to. My kids deserve a life, and that can't happen if they are living in the middle of a dementia ward (our home).
Home is our sanctuary from life.
My mother is in a facility where there is fresh staff that come on duty every shift.
She is safe from herself and the world.
She is sure to be fed, medicated, bathed, changed, and groomed on a schedule.
The people there are trained and physically able to deal with combative elders, and I am not.
Her food is dietetically prepared for her high blood pressure, high blood sugar, and is low fat. I can't cook special meals 3x/day at my house.
She sees a doctor, a geriatric psych, a beautician, PT, OT, dentist right there on site. I don't have to take time off work to run her to appointments. She doesn't have to go outside in the winter and risk falling.
She has a predictable daily schedule, which is really important to dementia patients. This would not be possible at my house.
The facility does her laundry, I do not.
The idea of an inheritance is a myth these days unless the patient was unbelievably wealthy and planned ahead. My mother did not plan ahead, and did not put her money into annuities and trusts ahead of time, so yes, we are going to spend every penny there is on her care. There will be nothing left for us after, and that's the way it is. No sense getting upset over it because I can't change it. We could have avoided this 10 years ago if she'd been willing to work with me & the bank, but she wasn't, so here we are.
I also could not quit my job, abandon my own financial responsibilities, my bills, my family, and our needs to care for my mom. I needed a job before, and I still do. I appreciate the fact there is a facility where I can place her.
thanks
I'm not sure how to reslove this issue.
It's found in 2 Samuel 12: 1-7.
Really those seven verses do paint a picture of how to talk to someone who is NOT receptive, but still drive a point home. Check it out. I'm not deliberately trying to be vague, it's just that it would take longer for me to explain, than for you to read for yourself what I'm talking about.