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Signs a Senior Needs Help at Home

52 Comments

I watch behind her and make sure no food rotten and I only give the dishes a certain amount of time before I do it. I go behind her. But it's not bad like this all the time.

I need help. My mom is 78. Her short term memory is bad and she likes the casino. I've been with her for a few months. She seems cognizant most times but her memory is bad. Very forgetful. So for bills vet paid but with a 3200 a month income, we live in an apartment with poor maintenance. At the end of the month she is broke. Maintenance here either is lazy or don't know how to do their job. Holes in the wall, toilet leaks. Carpet was saturated on and off for a year before finally got it fixed but I'm expecting it to saturate again soon. She loves her casino more than being able to get a new home. She forgets she buys veggies and they sort in the frig. She use to be spotless but dishes pile up. I was doing this for her but she fussed at me for doing the dishes and she would do it. Then she forgets. She is vulnerable to men. She let a man she met off the internet come into her home and couldn't make him leave. I had too and I had to give him my RV. This probably was the beginning of my ulcer. Her personality is very strong especially to me. She is also not well now. She passes out at times and I don't mean fainting. I am talking about vitals dropping. She has given me power of attorney but she trusting me not to intervene except when she can't. God, it's so Hard! She has already been victimized by looser men and they are lining up and she is miserable without a person with a penis in her life. I don't call people with a penis, a man, that victimized elderly for their income only. I dont know what to do. I have no support from my siblings. They take her money too. It's funny. This black sheep is the only one that will not take advantage of mom and the one she doesn't like most. Yet, she did give me power of attorney and not them. Mom has gambling issue, my brother has alcohol issues, my sister spends 600 a month on cigarettes and likes pain pills. I have none of those habits. It's so hard to watch!

My parent's live alone, they need household help and personal care help. I did this for them but am unable to get a job because of it. How do i find programs that will pay me to care for them?

My 84-year-old dad lives by himself although we make sure his apartment is cleaned and meals are brought over. Over 1 month ago, he developed 4 ulcers on his left leg didn't say anything until finally, we got him over to a vascular MD who debrided the ulcers. He said it hurt and I asked if they numbed the area, he stated "no". Since then, he's had a couple of falls but is refusing to be admitted to the hospital. Dad has always been a big-time smoker, and he knows he can't smoke in the hospital. This is the hardest part, he's refusing because of a cigarette. So he is now medically non-compliant and refuses to leave his house. If he accepted the right course of treatment, he could once again regain his independence, can only speak for myself, but I think he's giving up and I feel so very helpless, so do my siblings, it's been mentally and emotionally exhausting. Don't know what to do?

My 84-year-old dad has been very independent, more than 1 month ago he was treated for non-diabetic ulcers in his leg leg (4 ulcers) by debridement. He indicated the MD didn't numb the area and the procedure hurt. Test results show circulatory problems, but since that time he's unable to leave the house, and developed additional ulcers on his right leg. My brother and sister have been helping with cleaning, shopping, MD appointments, but he's refused to be admitted to the hospital, says he will do it his way. All of us are so emotionally drained because he's non-compliant with medical advice. He has told us he will not leave his house and he's already taken a couple of falls that have been addressed. Here's the sad part, my Dad has always been a big-time smoker and knows if he goes into the hospital, it's no smoking, yet it's smoking that's making his condition worse. Don't know what to do, it's hard emotionally on all of us, he has an excellent chance of getting better with medical intervention, but he's refusing. Thanks for letting me vent, I feel so helpless!

My parents have just started needing some help...someone to come in and do some housework and help with some meal preparation, etc. My mom welcomes it as she can bearly stand up...Dad is more resistant and doesn't want to spend money on this type of care. We have been trying to convince him that this is a good thing to spend his money on and why is he saving it! He's 93 and Mom is 88!

I shouldn't have clicked on this check list---mother has most of the "signs". She lives with brother's family in a small apt. Even so, it's filthy and neglected and she will not allow anyone to clean it, except my 17 yo niece who has no clue to what she's doing. Yesterday I spent 2 hours untangling a problem with an item she'd returned to a catalog company. It wasn't a huge deal, but it will impact her credit score (at almost 90, who cares?) I also asked her to close the acct., and she really didn't have a choice. I BEGGED her to please stop ordering things but she can't..she can't shop any more and loves to buy whatever she wants. I think this is all in lieu of actually having a life...I also wish I could get brother to see that Assisted Living would be SO MUCH BETTER for her. He thinks they'll lock her in and she'll be miserable...I'm going to check into it anyway. If we let her dementia get much worse, she'll be in a memory care facility and I'd rather not see that for her until it's absolutely necessary. (I'm positive his concerns are about the cost of an ALF and the impact on her finances when she dies. He's counting on an inheritance. I'm not.

Thank you for sharing this check list, I knew my mother was failing this just confirmed it in my mind. She feels I am picking on her at times. but I am just pointing out the reasons she should maybe look for alternative living. My mother is turning 80, an old 80. She is in poor health, drinks excessively, has high blood pressure (I think from drinking) and lives in her own home alone. She has a large lot and can't keep up with it. I live 3hrs away and get down around once a month, more in nicer weather. I wish she could see how much happier and less of a struggle it would be for both of us if she were to move into assisted living. I've mentioned it and she tears a strip off of me. It is a very stressful time.

Thanks for sharing this! The signs are spot-on.

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Elders don't want to admit they need help, it's daunting that they have reached this point. Explain that they don't need a nurse, they just need an extra pair of hands around the house, they will become much more receptive. Owning EvergreenChoice in NYC, I have found this works. Good luck