We did all the things Carol suggested in the article. We planted the seed and gently discussed the matter. Then we waited. (We had to wait because Mom and Dad would not agree to actually proceed with planning out the move to AL.) Within six months there was a fall which frightened my parents into promptly putting their names on the waiting list to get into a local AL facility. Once they had moved in, they quickly adjusted and loved it.

There are always people at the ALF that think they will be going home shortly. I feel so bad for them when they are in the lobby waiting and you know that no one will be coming for them. I think once they get accustomed to living there they realize that this is now their home.... When my mom hears someone say that she tells them that this is there home and that they aren't leaving....She did the same thing when she was first placed in the ALF.......

It is so hard to see our parents like this. Yesterday we went to see Mom, and a lady next to her in the dinning room wanted to leave. She was upset her children sold her home. Found out she too has AD, and she didn't understand why she could not go home. Thank goodness Mom did not hear her.

Susiequeue, we got our mother to sign by telling her we needed to be able to provide medical care for her if she needed it. It was the truth so she was cooperative. She's 94 with mild AD, and her short term memory is getting worse, she's also disabled. However, if we even hint at a nursing home she starts yelling and having a fit so it's still going to be really hard when the time comes that she needs to go into a care facility!

how easy will it be to get her to sign that?! We found even with PofA, my husband and his brother got little help from drs, etc, as to how to go about getting their dad to be willing to move. We'd all feel better if our loved one agrees we know what is best, but the guilt and drama is difficult to handle

Maggiesue, your Dr. is wrong you can put your mom into assisted living or a residential care/nursing home even if she doesn't want to go. You have to get a Power of Attorney for Health Care and have her sign it with either 2 witnesses or a Notary Public. It will allow you to make health care decisions for her.

Mom had a fall three months ago, and needed rehab. With her AD there was so much rehab was able to do for her. She just wants to go home. She is at a point where before the fall she was unable to care for herself due to her short term memory going. It is going to be hard once she knows the truth, that it is better for her to be in assisted living then living alone. What we do have in our favor is the fact she does like how she is treated, and she is in a very nice elderly home.

Maggiesue you are absolutley correct when you say that you can't reason with our parents once they reach a certain stage of dementia. That is why I finally did what I did. I wish I knew about this site long before I did. It would have helped me a lot to realize that my mom wasn't just being stubborn .

Well, my Aunts started looking around for my grandmother at various facilities without her knowledge. When they told her what they had found and where she was going to go, she had a nervous breakdown. It was really really sad. I offered my home but they wouldn't see it.
She ended up there of course but I sure learned an important lesson!

Wow, Judy, that's quite a story. You actually forced her to go. My 92 year old mother would react the same way. But I don't think she would settle in after that as she tends to hold grudges.

Like some of the others commented, I am waiting for the fall, or stroke, or heart attack that will institutionalize my mother. It's gotta happen or I'll just find her dead one day.

Her doctor said I can't force her to go to assisted living although it would be a safer place. But she goes nuts if I even bring up the subject.

My mother was that person in the article. She wouldn't even consider moving out of her home. We all tried to convince her that she would be so much better off in an assisted living home, even the doctor told her that she couldn't live alone anymore but nothing worked. I tried once taking her over to the home just to look around and she wouldn't even get out of the car at first then when she did she tried running away from me.....The family finally decided that she had to move for her own safety and we just took her over to the ALF, luckily she forgot she was there before and just walked in with us. When she realized what was happening she got extremely angry and it was very hard to just leave her there. For three months we considered taking her out because she didn't seem to be adjusting. It sounds like a very cruel thing to do but after three months she settled in and now loves living there and is happier than she has been in years.....best thing we ever did, wish we did it sooner.........it's like dealing with a child, they don't know what is really good for themselves anymore...

My father in law lives in another state, and would not entertain the idea of going to assisted living; of moving out of "Mommy's house;" he threatened to kill himself if we ever moved him.. It was hard, and heartbreaking, and to be honest, it was a blessing in disguise when he fell in front of his house and broke a hip and ended up in a nursing home. He has adjusted well, and we still pay his home health aide to visit and monitor things for us. At least we know he is monitored 24/7 and eating properly.

When dad died mom moved willingly into an apartment. She said she wouldn't be lonely because she'd sew, read, cook and watch t.v., which are things she hadn't been able to do much of and take care of dad. But even with me and others checking in with her often, the apartment set up turned out to be a lonely existance for her. Thankfully, mom's wise doctor told her she needed to live with people her own age, instead of with me as she wanted to do. Now she lives in an independent living facility and is doing well. The activities get her out of her apartment, she has made some friends and she is well taken care of. A God send.

My 94 year old mother lives with my single brother and he works nights so she is alone until he gets home at 7 am. She is disabled, has to use a walker and a transport chair if she goes out of the house, can't cook her own food and is partially incontinent. She has mild alzheimer's as well. I live in the next town and make the trip to stay with her as often as I can but I have a family and can't do it more than a few times a week. We got her a Home Alone emergency buzzer and it's monitored 24 hrs a day, but she would not use it. She was afraid it would choke her around her neck so we got the wristband and she kept taking it off and leaving it on the table next to her. She fell one day and couldn't reach it and lay there for several hours until my brother got home. In- home care is horribly expensive, $24 an hour with 4 hr minimum so we are now looking into placing her in a residential care home. It is a very good alternative to a nursing home with a more home like atmosphere. Most only have 6 to 12 residents so it's more personal.

I guess this article does not pertain to a stubborn 95 yr. old relative that expects practically round the clock care by family members in her own home- which she is kind of what she is getting. The daughter checks in, another makes dinner and another puts her to bed and the list goes on. It takes her 5 mins. to get to the dinner table with the help of an adult and a wheelchair. The daughter has been robbing her blind (& could have been prosecuted) for yrs. and the woman accepts it - I guess she'd rather have that than pay a nursing home. The woman FINALLY agreed to an emergency buzzer. I suspect they will just find her dead in that old house one day.