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How to Convince Your Parent to Move to Assisted Living


I am finding this incredibly difficult. You cannot reason with dementia. One minute she say’s she understands it is the right thing to do, then she starts with the “I don’t want to go!!!” “Say you aren’t doing this right away!” I took her to a lovely facility and she loved the room, was an instant hit with the people there, then she backpedals and we are back to her digging in her heels and bemoaning the loss of her inlaw unit and possessions. I want to beat my head against the wall. She is so difficult, I have given up everything for her over the years of agreeing she move in with husband and I because she was not safe in the two story, 4 bedroom house I grew up in.
Now, she is not safe in the inlaw, she is a major fall risk and am tired or worrying about turning my back to clean, do laundry, to find her on the floor, once again to hit her head and end up in the ER. I am WORN OUT!!! But one minute she gets it and the next she goes right back. Somebody kill me.

Awesome article, as usual. Unfortunately if the older adult has dementia, all persuasive efforts and teaching moments may come to naught. Would love to see you address this issue in a future article!

Good article; however, all this assumes that they or the family can afford the costs of an assisted living facility.

After my 82 yo father fell for the 3rd time in a week, I told him I could no longer be on call. The 3rd time, he forgot it was my morning at the gym, kept calling an texting for an hour, thinking I was on my way over for Sunday morning coffee. He finally managed to get up and when I arrived was angry and berating me for not responding sooner (1 hour at the gym). Even though he had gotten himself up and was working on bandaging wounds, I called the paramedics to check him out. Went to the ER for x-rays etc. He was mad at me for 2 days. Oh well. He's been mad before and probably will be again. I told him as his only child, I will continue to do what I think is needed for his personal safety and health.

Thank you for the suggestions Carol. In my case (85 yo mom) I think the main obstacles are trying to overcome fear of moving, fear of change, and the traditional stigma associated with an "old folks home". I'm not sure logical arguments help at this point. It's trying to overcome fear and excuses.

This article was a huge help to me! Thank you.

My mother only will go out to dr or grocery store. She won't consider it I do worry about her. She wants me to stay home all the time, won't wear the life alert necklace I brought her. I do worry, but have gotten so tired of watching family vacation and enjoy life while I don't. I go for few hours at a time now but not a single overnight getaway in over 10 years. I'm tired, my health is suffering and I cry all the time. No help is here, so I don't try for that anymore. I now find mom to be selfish, but really my siblings are more and always have been. How do I get mom to check out places while she may enjoy the benefits there when she won't even consider it, she's so stubborn I really don't want to wait till I can no longer do it and have to tell them and al she gets out of it is a bed and nurse. Mom needs friends and activities, or she will just continue downhill till all she can do is lay in a bed. I'm so lost, what do I do?

This was a great read.

good ideas, mom has resisted every idea-we tried your ideas, still refusing- has needed an ambulance to pick he up off the floor twice in 1 week. we are afraid for her now what do we do?


you didn't let your mom down - no way. hugs, again...