< Back to article

How to Convince Your Parent to Move to Assisted Living

97 Comments

Good article; however, all this assumes that they or the family can afford the costs of an assisted living facility.

After my 82 yo father fell for the 3rd time in a week, I told him I could no longer be on call. The 3rd time, he forgot it was my morning at the gym, kept calling an texting for an hour, thinking I was on my way over for Sunday morning coffee. He finally managed to get up and when I arrived was angry and berating me for not responding sooner (1 hour at the gym). Even though he had gotten himself up and was working on bandaging wounds, I called the paramedics to check him out. Went to the ER for x-rays etc. He was mad at me for 2 days. Oh well. He's been mad before and probably will be again. I told him as his only child, I will continue to do what I think is needed for his personal safety and health.

Thank you for the suggestions Carol. In my case (85 yo mom) I think the main obstacles are trying to overcome fear of moving, fear of change, and the traditional stigma associated with an "old folks home". I'm not sure logical arguments help at this point. It's trying to overcome fear and excuses.

This article was a huge help to me! Thank you.

My mother only will go out to dr or grocery store. She won't consider it I do worry about her. She wants me to stay home all the time, won't wear the life alert necklace I brought her. I do worry, but have gotten so tired of watching family vacation and enjoy life while I don't. I go for few hours at a time now but not a single overnight getaway in over 10 years. I'm tired, my health is suffering and I cry all the time. No help is here, so I don't try for that anymore. I now find mom to be selfish, but really my siblings are more and always have been. How do I get mom to check out places while she may enjoy the benefits there when she won't even consider it, she's so stubborn I really don't want to wait till I can no longer do it and have to tell them and al she gets out of it is a bed and nurse. Mom needs friends and activities, or she will just continue downhill till all she can do is lay in a bed. I'm so lost, what do I do?

This was a great read.

good ideas, mom has resisted every idea-we tried your ideas, still refusing- has needed an ambulance to pick he up off the floor twice in 1 week. we are afraid for her now what do we do?

you didn't let your mom down - no way. hugs, again...

They want to be paid? Shocking. Surely they can provide housing, catering, nursing, domestic, security, advocacy, administration, facilities management, staff training and activities services without demanding fees.

comment

Nasmir, I am sorry for your loss.

People can get c. diff from almost any setting; most commonly it happens after broad-spectrum antibiotic treatment, and normally they are put on isolation if in a healthcare facility in an attempt not to spread it. You have to wash with soap and water as hand sanitizers will not kill it. It is usually not fatal in someone who is not already debilitated but it can be if treatment does not work. By itself, just acquiring c. diff does not mean a facility was negligent, which you have probably found out if you tried to report or file a suit. You are hurting and you are angry and that is very, very understandable. We've been arguing with you mainly because we don't want other people like us to feel totally horrible about using a skilled nursing facility when it is really needed, and most of us do feel badly enough to start with and wish we could handle or could have handled things at home.

Again - my sincere condolences though!