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How to Cope with a Senior’s Complaining and Negativity

63 Comments

Hello everyone, it is good to have somewhere to vent. I have a mother who has always been negative and toxic to be around. but with age and sickness has gotten even worse for me. i have non hodgkins lymphoma and been battling that for 8 years now. Mom has had 3 bouts with breast cancer about the same time as mine and lost her license and car. Now for the last few years I have had to take her everywhere and be around the toxic cloud she is under. It is good to know I am not alone. Diane

I was always a fairly calm person, and always kept my living place fairly clean , yet not immaculate. I was never embarrassed for anyone to come to my home. I've raised 5 kids (2 were twin girls). Now that I am 70, I live with of my which is now 33. He is totally sloppy yet keeps himself clean, while his own room always looks trashed. He never picks up and rarely cleans up his messes wen he fixes anything in the kitchen. I have to ask him to do even pick up things that he drops(trash) or even put something away that is difficult for me to so. I am in a lift tilt wheelchair. He is also embarrassing when we even go to the store, and is pulling me down.
Why are we as elderly people have to be treated just the opposite of we raised our children to be? I have severe back and spinal issues.

I feel as if I don't have a chance for my own future happiness.

I googled this because today was a bad day. I can’t tell you how great it feels to know I’m not alone, and others have the same difficulties.
Today I finally had to have a chat with my grandparents about how I cannot see them every day. I am in my 30s, have a husband, four young children, and care for both of my grandparents. My mom lives nearby but isn’t helpful and their only other child lives out of state so it’s down to me. They complain, their kids complain, and my poor family I feel gets neglected. My mental health is growing thinner all the time.

It helps to vent to people who get it. Praying for you all!

How do you keep from losing it with a parent that is both narcissistic and extremely vain? She can’t hear but refuses hearing aids, so if we try to watch a movie, the volume is so loud I can barely stand it. Then she wants to talk and of course, I can’t hear her because of the volume of tv. I end up pausing the movie a dozen times so I now just play games on my phone and not really watch it. OR the more dangerous issue of having a terrible back and thinning hip bones, refusing any type of appliance to help her get around safely and easier. I have to hold her hand and help her everywhere and have explained that if she falls, breaking a hip is a certainty and I can also hurt myself by trying to break her fall. Will not discuss either of these and it all has to do with vanity. She is actually making her pain worse by trying to walk without assistance, since she has to favor one leg, so muscles are getting weaker on one side.

I completely lost it last week and told her off, of course, she argues right back just as we did when I was a teenager. I’m so stressed out I broke several crowns eating hard candy for some kind of stress relief, lol! Decided I better hit the gym instead! Advice?

I have been working in the industry on and off for over 10 years now, as well as being the task of helping my grandparent throughout my high school years (long time ago now). From a professional and personal stand point, this article is outstanding, and spot on. I can't thank the author enough. I have had so many cases of just down right negative and sometimes mean clients over the years. You try to be empathetic, patient, loving, and caring, but everyone has a breaking point. It has been so hard for me the last few years that I do not even want to continue working in the industry anymore. The best advice I've learned most recently, and most importantly, is that we are human...and as much as we try to relate, help, and give..you have to take a step back and realize you HAVE to take care of yourself too. You are important too.

I have been working in the Senior care industry on and off for well over 10 years now, and also helped take care of a grandparent throughout high school. So, from a personal and professional stand point this article was very helpful in understandin certain topics more in depth. It is very very very difficult helping someone, loved one or in a professional manner who is always complaining, negative, and down-putting you. I try to understand, empathize, and help the individual the best I can, but it has gotten so hard I don't even want to continue working in this industry anymore. I want to encourage everyone to do the best you can, but please always remember, as I'm just now realizing myself before it's too late...you are human...and you know need to take a step back and realize you have to have some type of peace in your life, because YOU matter too....

Great article! My 85 yr old Mother is healthy and goes out every day to eat fast food and shop. She never stops complaining and gossiping. She watches CNN and soap operas all day and night. Most of her friends have started to avoid her because of her negativity and complaining. My brother (35 miles away) drops by every couple of weeks but rarely calls. I love her but I do not like her right now...she’s very controlling, too. Any advice?

My mother is the most negative person I have ever and constantly complains about everything she acts like she's the only one that's sick. And if she finds out I went somewhere without her she's mad. I am sick too I have Lupus and stage 4 kidney failure. I also have 2 brothers and one sister who is no help at all. I feel like I need to be committed.

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And just as a caveat, the strain of dealing with a very negative person can be dangerous. It can turn a normally cheerful person into a complaining sourpuss. Be aware of absorbing the negativity. It is toxic.