My mother has dementia and is capable of feeding herself going to the toilet dressing ect. I believe in my heart she should be in a care facility or assitted living. While asking questions about her doctors and other related matters my sister told me she had a medical power of attorney. Ok im good with that. She thinks my mom would do better at home. Ok im good with that. She doesn't want her to die alone at a home. Ok I"m good with that too, My problem is that when I was asking all these questions she went off the deep end. Asked me why I didn't ask her about forms ect. I am greatly offended ( I wasn't aware I had to ever ask my younger sister for permission for anything) My mother doesn't want to be put on a respirator tubes and the lot. I know she has power of attorney over her health care decisions. I believe I can ask questions. Am I correct? And how far does this power attorney go? Im open to suggestions. She acts like we cant read or write and that all questions must be directed towards her.

3 out of 4 children agree with way things are being handled, of course one wants durable power of attorney changed to benefit them finacially.what do we do here in south carolina

I am in a situation to where I agreed to take on a parents home as my sibling took on duties to handle day to day functions for our parent. Now situation has changed to where now if I am to take on the property totally (Mortgage, etc...), said sibling wants me to take on the parents responsibility. What do I need to do and what has to be done for me to be covered if said sibling IS the POA?

unless you have a sister as poa of healthcare and finances and uses your mothers money and dosent pay her bills and dosent take my mother to doctors or buys her food from the dollar store.

I have my father in a skilled nursing facility. He went there straight from hospital by ambulance, as he cannot walk with out fear of him falling. He has mass on liver, suspected colon cancer, copd, and is 88 years old. He also has some mental confusion and thinks he is home at times. He has refused to do rehabilitation to try to get any strength back and states he wants to go home. I have durable power of attorney, health power of attorney and his living will. The nursing home says that they must abide by his wishes and release him, even though, he needs 24/7 care. He will not let anyone come into his home and help him, saying they will rob him blind, and I have to work to keep my health ins, because of my own cancer, non-hodgkins lymphoma. No one else in the family can take him, he would live by himself. How can I keep him safe and in the nursing home?

CAN A POA SIGN OVER PROPERTY TO HIM SELF OR HIS SPOUSE BEFORE THE DEATH OF THE GRANDPARENT ? HE IS ON THE WILL AND WILL RECEIVE EVERYTHING ANYWAY, WE ARE TRYING TO GET AROUND ALL THE INHERITANCE TAX. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME

I thought POA was for a while.....durable POA was forever. A boss might give secretary POA, checks can be signed, maybe boss is going on vacation or in hospital or something. It is for a while, for a certain about of time, or a time limit is set on it. Durable was forever....such as I have for my husbands finances.

Being a memory care resident raises the question of your husband being considered competent to sign a durable POA authorizing you to use his finances to support him. If you want to become his guardian, then you have to go to court for that.

A question. I can get my husband to sign a form designating me as his guardian - he is a memory care resident. If I do so, would that allow me to use his finances to support him in that situation? Does anyone know? I am in Georgia.

bakins1, I believe your sister has the authority to move your mother into an assisted living with her having the POAs.

Remember a person diagnosed with Alz cannot sign a legal document so wills, POA, DPOA, etc have to be done early and even if they are legal a judge can overturn any thing. Suing for guardianship can be a nasty situation with some family members. I know for certain!!!

We are trying to figure out if we should go through the process of getting guardianship of our mother. My sister has PoA, medical and financial. Would this work for moving our mother into an assisted living facility or should we go for a guardianship?

One really important thing is that a Durable POA is incontestable in probate court. How do I know this? I live in NYC and my grandmother lives in CT. When she started showing signs of advanced dementia, I researched out how to get this document in place as well as her living will. My sister and I were appointed POAs. Shortly after that, a home health aid sent in by the State of CT and Medicaid reported to the State's Adult Protective Services that my grandmother didn't have enough food to eat (she got 2 meals on wheels visits per day, so the food she needed to keep was minimal). Further, this nosey and UNINFORMED aide also reported that I was taking her money which was why she didn't have food. Of course, you cannot actually find out who reported this to Protective Services to "protect the witness". Before I even knew what was happening, Protective Services swooped in and invalidated the Power of Attorney (because it was only a general POA and not a DURABLE POA). I didn't even have time to blink (much less react) and they were in court getting an involuntary conservatorship. It took MONTHS in probate court (and me travelling from NYC to CT every time there was a court hearing) to straighten it out ... the only way I was able to maintain medical authority with my grandmother (which was my primary focus anyway) I had to let their appointed person become her financial conservator. All of it could have been avoided and I could have told Protective Services where to go had I executed a DURABLE POA.

Having a POA isn't always going to make things easy, tho. Its a fight, every single time you have to do something in your parent/grandparent's name. Every single time, so be ready for that. And make sure it's a DURABLE POA (yes i know i'm repeating myself ... but you need to hear it again and again to make sure it registers, because this is probably one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do in my entire life ... and hopefully this will save someone the grief I've been thru).

Update - director of former asst living we had Dad in said that sis has called the state on him at least 10 times since they took Dad out and he had to explain to him that every time she did visit she was drunk and finally trespassed and to tell our attny to subpoena him and he will be happy to tell the court exactly how well Dad was doing until visits from either Mom or sis........

I am told that he was deemed incompetant in a "criminal" charge - but it was a phyc appointed by the Hernando court that came and spent over two hrs with him - when the state dropped all charges on Feb 2, it was signed by the state of Fl asst district attny that charges were being dropped as it was deemed it was unlikely to regain competancy. So.........we received our 1000 back along with the state attny letter and the court disposition that said "deemed incompetant by one expert" - now, the asst living Mom put Dad in seemed highly interested in the fact that Dad was deemed incompetent and wanted a copy of that disposition so I am guessing they are thinking along the same lines as you........what they are telling me here, is that they will use the "incompetant" criminal dispositon in our case, but that he had not been deemed as "civilaly" incapacitated. From what I read when I googled, there are areas of law that differ. Half state exactly what you did, half state the other............I also am thinking that the attny broke the law........I was told by our attny that when someone revokes a DPOA, they are asked 4-5 questions to see if they are competant - examples would be, "Do you know where you are?", Who is the president?" What is your birth date?", Can you count from 1-10 backwards?" --- given these types of questions which my 5 yr old grand daughter can answer, they say ok, you are competant.............I guarantee you that my mother did not tell the attorney that Dad was residing in an asst living one level up from the memory care unit nor that he had a diagnosis of senile dementia. My feelings are that if the same court that we will be going to (Hernando county) to face dui charges due to the fact they did not expect him to regain competancy and this was by their own phyc, that they also will find the revocation as invalid - it seems to be a thin line of "gray' area here..........he absoulutely is incapacitated now - under our care, he could still enjoy tv, hear, see, go out in the van once a week, walk , go out to eat, we took him out to see xmas lights (ie - the Asst living we placed him - which he himself liked and chose over the original, he signed himself into on Oct 29 - by Feb his memory was going down hill but as this was a full life asst living, that would not have been an issue. Dad was asked these same types of questions before he signed himself in...........he did not tell them he was alchoholic - I did - when the director asked him what caused him to go to the bar, his response was "all the fighting" - well, there was only two of them in the house. This has been a life long thing - mom kicking him out - comes back for couple of days, kicks him out again...........I am wondering if I can get telephone records from Jan - July showing how many times she called us seeing she is now stating we "stuck our nose into her marriage" - the whole thing seems like a control issue to me.........during the last 17 yrs and even prior to that, they NEVER celebrated their wedding anniversary nor was their wedding photo displayed anywhere in their home or as Mom states "her house" ( I don't get that either - she owning the property but both names on mortgage) I actualy did not even know when it was - yesterday when we went to visit Dad, there was an anniversary card from my Mom and my alcholic sister (whom I am certain mom had to tell her it was their anniversar) along with a double photo frame of their wedding photo and a photo that we actually had to force them to have taken and we paid for of the two of them together older. We were like "you gotta be kidding" and are certain this was done due to the upcoming court date. In fact every year my husband gave me roses on our anniversary, my mother made a comment that she once received a "hershey bar".............are you thinking as I - that even though it ws a criminal court that the phyc deemed him incompetant, same court will be hearing the petition for guardianship and say no need and just re instate my husbands dpoa - if so, then I am going to have to tell our attny that we want court to flat out revoke mom's or Dad will become a ping pong ball..........sis is mom's best bud now because she wants the house that was originally was supposed to be left to me........other than that, she has visited Dad i would say about 6 times since he has been hospitalized and in asst living.........and I am thinking she gave my mother bad advice in rretaining her dui attny in this matter. Also, their is a money issue - because we were told by the asst living and our VA attny, that to qualify for diversion, if Dad had any money, to get rid of it except for 2000 - they said they did not care what we did with it, pay hsptl bills, gift it, etc - Mom wanted nothing to do with this as even though we were told by asst living and attny done all the time - so she used her DPoA and closed his IRA (abour 6,000) and withdrew about another 20,000 from a joint checking acct (these funds were left over from an auto accident claim - Dad only gets 847/mnth ss) and had cashiers checks made out to my husband and in memo line put "re: and then her name" - When she did get the revocation done, we then received a letter telling us to return the funds given to us for "joe's care" - we are being told by EVERYONE that due to the way she had the checks made out and the fact that their was no separate document stating this was for "joe's care" that a court would see the money as a gift - actually it is probably less than my husband spent in gas driving to see Dad every nite and back and going out 2 hrs to where they lived to "fix" the trouble and try to take Dad to AA..........

You dad was deemed incompetant and then taken to the lawyer for revoking your husband as joint POA with your mom over your dad? Is the lawyer aware that your dad was deemed incompetent? If so, that lawyer has broken the law and has a conflict of interest in representing your mother in court. Both he and your MIL have broken the law. I think you have a better chance with your experienced lawyer than she does with one with so little experience.

Both my mother and my husband had durable power of attorney over my father who has been alcholic all his life. Parents legally separatd in NH - about 20 yrs down the road, they start living together again - moved to Florida - she owns the property but they are both on the house mortgage. Dad had brain surgery at age 84 - my mother could not get to him in case of emergency and handed over the original signed dpoa to my husband in 2010 - 77 days in hospital -77 nites my husband was there. -- After brain surgery, Dad started drinking daily and mom's response to this (they also have a marital agreement) was to kick him out - let him drive drunk to motel and then when he got sober he could go home for two days - he had no key to the house - from Jan 2011 - July 2011, Dad spent almost 15,000 on bars, motels and a Lincoln that he bought from a barmaid. He got a dui at age 85. Mom lived 20 min from jail - we live 2 hrs away - my husband drove down at 3am to post 1000 cash bond. It got worse and I found Dad a mobile home near us - address was changed - but right before, mom had kicked him out again and we found him at a microtel motel covered in urine and bleeding..........we took him to hospital where his hr was 32 - emergency pacemaker. July 18, I drove down and removed him from Hernando county to Pinellas - he slept on couch one night - next day (still in withdrawal) he kept leaving my house and I kept calling police - they finally gave him a choice to go to the va with me or they were going to put him in asst living - ended up Baker acted in Va, then went to nursing home - Mom was kept infomred of what was going on but not until he left the VA with a diagnosis of senile dementia did she decide to get back in the picture - Dad was deemed incompetant on his dui charge and state dropped charges - all this time, we had gotten attny to apply for va benefits, etc - Mom called constantly angry about her taxes - Dad by now in asst living - my husband made the mistake of telling mom the truth - that Dad was only her husband at her convenience - she pulled him out of asst living (5 star) took him to attorney to sign a poa revocation, then took him out of asst living and back up north where she placed him in a dump of an assisted living tht filed bankruptcy 11 in 2004 and has been cited for not having patients current med list and not administering meds properly. Within 3 wks Dad had major stroke and is now almost catatonic. My husband has filed for guardianship and we do have letter from Mom stating that he wanted my husband to care for him dated in Jan 2012 - the revocation was done Feb 15 - I know this is going to be a mess in court - we have an Elder Affairs attny but Mom retained the criminal defense attny (who took care of my sisters dui and the revocation) -- moms attny specializes in duis but said he would represent her. Our attny has practiced 100 percent elder law since 1972 - moms has been in practice since 2000 - Mom does not have Dad's best interests at heart but wants to retain control..........with her being DPOA, do we stand a chance?

My 72 yr. old husband, depressed, 5 strokes & brain turmor, 53 yr. type 1 Brittle Diabetic, hundreds of diabetic seizures, multiple health issues mixed over 300 pain meds (from prior surgeries & some of mine) with his other 13 daily meds, lost it and there was nothing I could do when his brother (that came to house 5X in 17 yrs. of our marriage) takes him to see an attorney for divorce. I could not stop no matter what, every doctor & legal failed. Bias, sleeping Judge gives husband everything, and he left me. Not a thing I could do except report all attorneys and the judge. You can bet nothing will be done to them. I quit my job in 2008 as he could not be left alone, signed a contract not to take his life. His psychiatrist was on vacation & up & retired, his reg phy. would do anything (he hires doctors for hosp & husband had two large hospital bills ins. co. wouldn't pay), on call doctor no records, VA - him not assigned a physician & no social worker available) Probate court to arrange evaluation - 3 days with no medical records. Found him to be major depressive disorder in partial remission, he released to brother to seek additional mental help. His brother wants our money, house & life insurance pol - I was just beneficiary - not owner. My daughter keeps him or else he is at Sr. Cit Ctr to care for himself or his brother's when needed nite/wks. She is using his charge cards. I tried to stop divorce before it happened and was told "too bad" by attorney. Mobile, AL. Judge Banks slept in trial, known for bias against women and ruling for his friend attorneys. Now he gets house & I am on mortgage. He only has to give me $50,000 on a now value $240,000 house. His credit not good - I probably can't be released from mortgage - therefore cannot purchase me a house. My daughter spending now, his brother gets all. Husband couldn't manage finances - his sister-in-law pays his bills while my daughter spends. Be interesting to see what daughter will do when he moves out - he can't take care of himself, and brother won't take care of him - just waiting for our money. Did I get Screwed?????? I took early retirement and later got disability from his abusive & overbearing treatment. Everyone just keps passing the buck...

See a lawyer.

Recently mom passed, a brother and sister kept her out of the country for many years away from me ,another sister,her sisters and other family members. After no communication for several years, they sent us both copies of a NYS will and letters asking us to sign and execute an enclosed Waiver of Process and Consent to Probate. `The signed date and year of the document concerns us, we were aware that she was diagnosed with dementia/alzheimers many years before the date on the will. What steps can we take to be sure that the documents are authentic? Thanks for your responses.

WOW! Sounds like that court and guardian adlitem don't care - I would further seek attorney and file a civil suit againt your brother. You mom is not being properly cared for. I would file for guardianship.

my younger brother and wife took "mom from illinois to florida for christman 2008. i am oldest daughter, i was to pick up mom in jan. after kids went back to school. i never heard from her. when i did call, brother and wife screaming dom't call this number, never call here ...a hole......never call..so i waited for mom to call me. never did. in feb 2009 my oldest son passed. cousin called mike,but i never heard from mom. april, 2009 2nd son died. no call from mom. when cousins or friends called for her in florida, she was never there, at the mall, playing with dogs,( she's 92). to make it short my brother sequestered her almost three years. he sold her house. 105K, empty safety deposit boxes, paid off his houese, bought a resutrant,etc. i found ma is a tennessee welfare patient. she has no teeth, no circulation in legs, incontinent etc. she remembered me. i showed where mike sold her house and spent all her money, a phoney poa nursing home yanked poa out of her hand she wanted to mark it in june so he could not spead any more money. said legal aide will be her tomorrow and she can change then. also she was brought to home 1 day from black pusy sores and broked ribs. nobody reported to police. i went thru all the strings, got family law attny, and my lawyer called owner and said is me and husband come now, can she go home with us. on wed. owner said as long as no courd order to keep he. my brother never visits, i left money fo hair cuts etc. when we got there to tn the next day, we live in dallas lost pay motel money again., he said he had 2 doctors saying she was incompident. he would not show us and said if we took her, he would call police for kidnapping. another month went by, day before court, my brother hired an attny. then finally another month and conservative court came. judge said mike was rotten thief and he will report to tenn care. he left conservership the same because gaurdimad litem said he could not wake her up but she was clean and no bed sores. had pictures on walls, people do care....that was me. he said mike can keep her because now she cannot sign anything anymore. court was on monday, i went to home to see ma and owner called police on me and said i was badgering all his employes to take her home. she is old, but good health, 1 heart pill a week. she needs teeth, hearing aids,arthritis gloves, etc. brother says she does not need it. also mike stole approxametally 250,000, from her estate. she is in a welfare home and i would like her closer to me.judge left mike walk...what happened?

The moment I found out mother had dementia I asked the hospital to help me make out the papers and talk to my mother about POA. With a POA the daughter will be able to control her mothers finances and put her into a nursing home. I take care of my mother's finances and her medical care, I don't care about her money, I just want to help my mother with her medical problems. Sounds like a spoiled child. Hope you win in court.

Since the person granting the POA must sign it, where ever they live is where you hire an attorney.

Can the appointed durable power of attorney live out of state and if so, in what state do you hire the attorney? Thanks for responses.

Thank you, CMagnum. I will try to explain to my father why we need to make some changes. Fortunately, he can still sign his name at this point in time. I don't think he will understand what we are doing. Thank God there is no sibling rivalry (at this point in time).

derlan,
Is your father competent to revoke the previous POA which sounds like it is a Durable POA? If he is competent, then he can revoke it and sign one written up for you and have a certified letter sent to your sister that she is no longer the POA. At the same time, I'd also have him sign a medical POA. Otherwise if his dementia is too far advanced for him to sign anything, then you will need to go for guardianship.

I have two sisters. I am the one in the middle. My eldest sister moved in with our father to take care of him (Dementia, COPD, etc.) My father designated her as POA. The form is on file with the residing county and I have a certified copy. Since that time my sister has become ill (congestive heart failure and diabetes) and my father now lives with me. How do we transfer the POA to designate me as the agent. Any help would be appreciated. Thank you

Does your wife's daughter not realize that people can have phones in a nursing home? To be blunt, if I may, it sounds like the daughter and niece either have no idea what they are getting into or have a undiagnosed problem! I wish you and the court system well in dealing with them. In my opinion, the judge should throw this out of court because it is stupid.

Thanks for your comments. If this was 2 men it would be callled a pissing contest. She is out to prove she is smarter than I am and with no love for her wants her Mom away so she will not be bothered and will not have to answer her phone calls. She won't answer them now and I have called her on it a couple of times and it has gotten nasty.