We have a POA in place with healthcare for my mum. The family does not all get on. What rights do siblings have to ask information from a nursing home regarding their mum? Can the nursing home refuse to discuss mum and her care with her children?
I have had the durable power of attorney since 1997 and am co- trustee of living trust for my mother. She has problems with memory and gets confused easily. I had her doctor write letter saying that she should not be asked to sign any type of document because of her memory. He stated that her son me should take care of her affairs. This letter is on file with hospital as is the Durable Power of Attorney. The hospital continues to ignore the fact that I am her caregiver and watches out for her in all areas of her life. Recently she was transported to hospital for heart attack. I arrived one hour later and asked the receptionist in ER if there were any papers to sign. The response was no the staff signed for her. Is this proper conduct for the hospital staff to ignore the POA even when the doctor has written a letter pertaining to the same subject.
I have a friend whose mother just passed away and he is the agent in the POA. He informed me that it is important for all the siblings to be on the checking account and not just the agent. My sister is the agent on my moms general durable POA with me then my brother who are also listed on the POA. Is it wise for me to be on her checking account and not just my sister. Also, can I just go to the bank with my copy of the POA that has my name on it and be on her account. I do not pay bills and have no access to the account so I would not be using the account for anything, just have my name on it. It was just highly suggested that I be on it. I hope this makes sense.
I am the second person on both my parents POA. They both now have alzheimer's. All of the companies that they deal with have a copy of the POA, but now are refusing to deal with me. They say because the other is listed I need a letter from the doctor so I would be the POA. Which form do I need for the doctor to fill out?
I have two brothers who have honestly not pitched in at all with My Mom. After my Dad passed 17 years ago, just was coincidental that my husband and I were looking for a home at the same time. So when he passed we thought we would give her the 4th bedroom. Well, who knew she would still be with us today. Not being mean, she is now 91 has mid-dementia, has had a stroke, and I have two daughters with auto immune diseases and life is not easy. I work full time so does my husband, he is still working but could retire if we could move and downsize. I feel guilty but I get no help from my two older brothers, my Mom does have a trust that she insists is to be divided equally btwn the three of us. My oldest brother all kids are married have homes, he is just waiting for SS to kick in his home is beautiful and will downsize, is not wealthy but secure. My middle brother has no children and has no money issues at all. What is wrong with this picture??? I am so stressed out at times I feel sick. Every thing I say to my brothers fall on deaf ears. All I want is xtra to fix my home so I can sell it at a decent price, as with my Mom there and my daughters feeding 5 for 17 years it has been hard financially. Some weeks I work 6 days a week for xtra money. I don't want to get into any legal trouble, nor will my Mom now even stay at one of brother's homes she doesn't feel welcome. So no vacation for my husband and I for the last seven years, not that I have the money for one either. Can someone help me at at least help me not feel guilty I have Durable POA, and I am Executer of her Trust. I feel my husband and I should receive some money to help us feel less stressed especially now since she is becoming harder and harder to handle with the dementia and hardly can walk. needs to feed etc. Is that unreasonable at this point??? It is more my Mom, not sure my brothers would care at this point, nor would they ever know if she helped me. Suggestions please.
It is so sad when siblings cannot get along. It may help to ask your sister why a nursing home is needed? Is this something the doctor has told her? Are they other health problems that your mother has?
Such a discussion may take place better one on one instead of in front of everyone. Have you always had trouble getting along with your sister or is this something new?
What does your dad think about your mom going to the nursing home?
What level is your mom's alzheimer's / dementia? Have you read the stories here about those who try to take care of a parent with alzheimer's / dementia on their own at home? If not, I suggest you do.
It may be that your sister is looking at your mom's health needs more pragmatically in terms of the present and future needs of her safety and care. She may be also thinking of your own health from the standpoint of taking care of your mom with alzheimer's / dementia. 24/7?
As medical POA, it is her responsibility to look after such things and yours as the Durable POA to handle the money to get care needs paid for.
No one wants to go to a nursing home, but when it's needed it is needed. One person cannot take care of someone with alzheimer's / dementia. 24/7 and their condition only gets worse not better.
Question.....I have the durable Power of Attorney of both my parents. My sister has the health POA. My parents are both in poor health, and I can't get along with my sister. Mom has dementia and soon will need care. Sister is talking nursing home, and I want to take care of my mother. I will move her in with me, or live at her house to care for her. Mom confides in me more, says she does not want to go to a nursing home but will not live with my sister. When we try to talk about this with everyone present, mom will not say what she wants to my sister. I just can't figure out what to do. So does my sister have all the say with the health poa or do I have any say since I have the DPA. Please help answer my question.
I took your quote from the lawyer's letter literally and not as some pacifying statement. It would have enraged me not pacified me.
What do your other two sisters thinks of all of this? Have ya'll had a family meeting to discuss these concerns?
I think even $1,000 per month is too much. I didn't get any money for being my mother's POA.
I'm out of ideas and only left with questions.
How recently have you and your other sisters seen your mom? Is the POA sister living in your mother's house? If so why? Why is she driving your mother's care? What is her heart condition that landed her in the nursing home to begin with?
Medicaid application was filed 4 years and 3 months ago. She (the POA sister) is not getting $30,000 per year. That was just an amount written by the attorney to pacify us (the other sisters who began to question her). As far as we know, she is taking $1000 per month, and saving approx. $4800 per year on car payments, since she has been driving my mom's car. None of us are financially comfortable, and most of our friends have served as POA for their parents without a monthly stipend. Two sisters live near nursing home in south, two don't. I'm one of the ones far away. Should I compose a response to her lawyer, or hire one of my own to respond (which I frankly can't afford).
I think you and your sister need to go see your own lawyer.
"She has about 9 months until she is medicaid eligible."
Has the Medicaid application process started?
If so, they are going to do a five year look back and are going to ask where this $30,000 a year has gone. That's almost a 1/3 of the cost of a nursing home for one year. That is also about how much it cost per year for my mother to be in a nursing home after her long term care policy payments all came in.
Who is paying for the nursing home?
How far away are you form where your mother lives?
What do you suggest? How do we get her to stop paying herself? We hope that she is being honest, but she is not being transparent. My mom is still alive. She has about 9 months until she is medicaid eligible. Any ideas?
Hi cmagnum, I have 3 sisters. The oldest was assigned POA by my mom before her stroke. Second oldest asked oldest why she is taking not only $1000 each month, but in addition, also using my mom's car, thus saving herself probably $400 each month in car payments. Rather than answer the question, the oldest sister (POA) decided to have an attorney write a letter to each of us, telling us that $30,000 per year is not unreasonable for a durable power of attorney/health care surrogate. I don't buy it.
Who is paying for the nursing home? If your mom is paying for the nursing home, I don't see how she could claim your mother as a dependent on her tax return. What's bringing all of this to the surface now? What's going on?
My sister has been acting as POA for my mom who barely survived a stroke and has been in a nursing home for 5 years. She has been taking a rather hefty monthly salary, justifying that she deserves it for all she is doing to help care for my mom and deal with the bills, etc. My sisters and I are worried that this has gone on too long. Any suggestions?
my question is if my aunt gives her neice a durable poa, can she just go to the bank even if my aunt has a sound mind and draw all her money out and blow it?
CaptainRick, I don't understand your older brother not letting you see your mother. Do you know where she is? Does he give you any reason for not allowing you to see her. I do not think that as her durable POA that he has the authority to do that. Sometimes we hear this story on this site of a sibling who has POA telling another sibling that they cannot see their parent.
The only thing that I am aware of that you can file is for guardianship for your mother, but she must already be declared incompetent by a doctor and the cost of going to court for this is $5,000.
MY older brother has Durable Power of Attorney for my 84 yr old mother with dementia. She is under medication and is loosing memory. Still she loves me and wants to see me. But my brother forbids me to see her. He wants to keep control over her. I think she still has some metal capacity. Can a judge revoke the DPA, what would I have to file?
Patsyc, yes your sister needs to provide a copy of the POA. Durable POAs are normally filed with the register of deeds in the county where the person lives. Very often, you can look up such a document online. It would be listed under your mother's name. If not, you can go by the register of deeds and ask for a copy.
Also, the transferring of funds from your mother's account to hers is not legal and should be reported.
How did she manage to place your mother in a nursing home without a doctor saying that she needs to be there? What are your mother's health problems and how old is she?
Is your sister planning on selling your mother's home to help pay for the nursing home? That is the only reason I can think of for the eviction notice. How old is her niece and does she have a job?
If you think that your sister is misusing her POA, then you need to consult a lawyer about what to do.
My sister has dopa and has pit my mother in a nursing home knowing she did not want that , my niece has lived with my mother almost all her life and still lives in her home . The wicked witch showed up with six police officer gave her a piece of paper stating she has 14 days to get out and she is cutting off all utilities,my mother loves this young lady and would not approve! She is making online transfer on moms checking act and draining her bank act! And will not send me a copy of her so called dopa ! I am sick about my mother being put in that place and feel helpless to help her ! Doesn't she have to provide a copy of this poa to me ?She is my mother also!
My sister revoked all of her responsibilities as POA over a year ago, then my Mother designated me as POA for healthcare. However, my Mother favors my sister, even though my sister doesn't want to take care of her, but just do the "fun stuff," like going on vacation. My sister does not communicate with me properly if she does take her somewhere, and I told her not to take her to doctor appts. if she is not going to communicate with me. Also, she has not followed my instructions, for example, getting the doctor's office to fax the report for the visit to her primary doctor, and to get a confirmation that the primary doctor received it.
I didn't have anyone to take my Mother to the doctor tomorrow, and then my Mother said that my sister might "drop her off" at the doctor's office. I said that she is not allowed to take her to the doctor, because she does not follow instructions, and that I was going to text my sister (if I call her, she usually hangs up on me), "Don't dare to take Mom to the doctor tomorrow!" My Mother hung up on me. I texted my sister, and she texted me back, "Get off your trip and quit ordering me around." I have been telling my Mother that I need her cooperation in order to take care of her, but she always puts me on the back burner when it comes to my sister. I'm thinking about revoking my responsibilites as POA for healthcare, because my sister actually more power than I do, even though she doesn't want to take care of her.
i just took my gpa to the dr last week. mom is poa and keeping all his money for herself. i live with him almost 2 yrs now. she got a letter saying he cant take care of finances or day to day living. but dr said he is very capable of making his own mind up. if ur dad agrees with you and can convience the dr of what he wants u will get poa
So am I to understand in order to get a POA or DPOA for someone who would not sign before they became incapacitated, this means in order to pay my moms bills or get a DPOA for medical and financial I must petition the court? She has Alzheimer's and would never agree to it before but she had a TIA and has really declined more than ever. We asked the doctor to give us something in writing stating she could no longer make decisions due to the advanced stage of the desease. Can we just use that to ask to be added to her bank account so we can pay her share of cost and whatever she needs? We are looking at long term nursing care. My sister and I just assumed the nh would be raking over her social security checks but they have informed us they don't. We live in California. The nh just told us we need to be her payee so her nh bills can be paid. We are totally confused. Heads whirling missing our mom, finding her not responding to rehab, so we know we won't be able to care for her at home anymore. I guess we need to seek out free legal aid. We have no idea what steps to take. No one at nh seems to know either, which we find odd. But we love the staff. It just seems management seems to be all over the place about our options.
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Springing vs. Durable Power of Attorney: What’s the Difference?
It is so sad when siblings cannot get along. It may help to ask your sister why a nursing home is needed? Is this something the doctor has told her? Are they other health problems that your mother has?
Such a discussion may take place better one on one instead of in front of everyone. Have you always had trouble getting along with your sister or is this something new?
What does your dad think about your mom going to the nursing home?
What level is your mom's alzheimer's / dementia? Have you read the stories here about those who try to take care of a parent with alzheimer's / dementia on their own at home? If not, I suggest you do.
It may be that your sister is looking at your mom's health needs more pragmatically in terms of the present and future needs of her safety and care. She may be also thinking of your own health from the standpoint of taking care of your mom with alzheimer's / dementia. 24/7?
As medical POA, it is her responsibility to look after such things and yours as the Durable POA to handle the money to get care needs paid for.
No one wants to go to a nursing home, but when it's needed it is needed. One person cannot take care of someone with alzheimer's / dementia. 24/7 and their condition only gets worse not better.
I took your quote from the lawyer's letter literally and not as some pacifying statement. It would have enraged me not pacified me.
What do your other two sisters thinks of all of this? Have ya'll had a family meeting to discuss these concerns?
I think even $1,000 per month is too much. I didn't get any money for being my mother's POA.
I'm out of ideas and only left with questions.
How recently have you and your other sisters seen your mom? Is the POA sister living in your mother's house? If so why? Why is she driving your mother's care? What is her heart condition that landed her in the nursing home to begin with?
Good luck.
"She has about 9 months until she is medicaid eligible."
Has the Medicaid application process started?
If so, they are going to do a five year look back and are going to ask where this $30,000 a year has gone. That's almost a 1/3 of the cost of a nursing home for one year. That is also about how much it cost per year for my mother to be in a nursing home after her long term care policy payments all came in.
Who is paying for the nursing home?
How far away are you form where your mother lives?
I don't buy it either.
I have 3 sisters. The oldest was assigned POA by my mom before her stroke. Second oldest asked oldest why she is taking not only $1000 each month, but in addition, also using my mom's car, thus saving herself probably $400 each month in car payments. Rather than answer the question, the oldest sister (POA) decided to have an attorney write a letter to each of us, telling us that $30,000 per year is not unreasonable for a durable power of attorney/health care surrogate. I don't buy it.
Who is paying for the nursing home? If your mom is paying for the nursing home, I don't see how she could claim your mother as a dependent on her tax return. What's bringing all of this to the surface now? What's going on?
A POA has no business paying themselves for what they do.
What do you mean by saying she's acting as POA for your mom?
Why have ya'll been waiting five years?
How much money has she been taking out?
If your mother could runs out of money and needs to go on Medicaid, this is going to be a royal mess.
The only thing that I am aware of that you can file is for guardianship for your mother, but she must already be declared incompetent by a doctor and the cost of going to court for this is $5,000.
Also, the transferring of funds from your mother's account to hers is not legal and should be reported.
How did she manage to place your mother in a nursing home without a doctor saying that she needs to be there? What are your mother's health problems and how old is she?
Is your sister planning on selling your mother's home to help pay for the nursing home? That is the only reason I can think of for the eviction notice. How old is her niece and does she have a job?
If you think that your sister is misusing her POA, then you need to consult a lawyer about what to do.
I didn't have anyone to take my Mother to the doctor tomorrow, and then my Mother said that my sister might "drop her off" at the doctor's office. I said that she is not allowed to take her to the doctor, because she does not follow instructions, and that I was going to text my sister (if I call her, she usually hangs up on me), "Don't dare to take Mom to the doctor tomorrow!" My Mother hung up on me. I texted my sister, and she texted me back, "Get off your trip and quit ordering me around." I have been telling my Mother that I need her cooperation in order to take care of her, but she always puts me on the back burner when it comes to my sister. I'm thinking about revoking my responsibilites as POA for healthcare, because my sister actually more power than I do, even though she doesn't want to take care of her.