I asked for medical help from a gastroenterologist. By that time, the colonoscopy and upper endoscopy showed not only polyps in colon and stomach (removed), but active colitis and stomach ulcers! Moral of the story is us caregivers do indeed need to keep on top of our own medical health Before there is an issue.
It's important for caregivers to take breaks and to practice self-care to help with the stress that comes with caregiving. Caring for others can cause caregivers to feel exhausted, withdrawn, and indifferent—possibly due to compassion fatigue.
Am really glad found this article. Have been trying to help and take care of my dad who is 88, on a walker, a little unsteady and forgets sometimes. It has been really frustrating as have been down and awful sick lately with some major GI problems, both rheumatoid, osteoarthritis, etc. Not much help to either of us lately and we are the only family each other has in this area to speak of right now. Really don't like to ask for help and friends are scarce as well. Am getting to have two rough GI procedures done next week and having mobility issues as well, am really stressed and not sure how am supposed to take care of Dad or myself either.
Pretty crappy way to get an unavoidable break and seems like the only breaks have had is getting groceries or doctor appointments for the past few months. Sorry am not handling this too good right now, but thanks for the article and other caregiver comments.
Add in: Mom has moved into OR today, and I am alone in our condo in CA; just hope Medicaid does not pull the rug under me, forcing a sell on our condo that is part of the trust in Mom's 50% of her assets.
Yes, I am one of the stressed-out and abused caregivers and also unemployed for 19 months. I am now going into therapy to help me stop getting angry at anyone for all the extreme and unfortunate frustration. That and prayers will help me cope through difficult times. Hope that OR state Medicaid does not take away ours (Mom and Mine) condo away from us because I have nowhere else to go without steady income at least 6 months per year or permanent work.
Well hubby crashed the car last week ,he is fine but no memory of what happened. Im so greatful he is not hurt and he didn't hurt anyone. We don't live close to family but the kids (29 &33) came to help while dad was in the hospital. My sister came to help too. We are going to Doctors now with follow ups still no real answer. Everyone would like us to move closer to them but Im just not sure. I need to finish with the doctors ,and insurance, and the car... then breath .... yes I'm overwhelmed , now everyone is back to there lives , i'm greatful they came for a while. now I take one step then another .... and breath
I tend to have discussions like this on my company's LinkedIn group of "Hands from the Heart." I think this is a major point of concern that caregivers are so under-appreciated. Usually they are hard-worked, underpaid, and have little support. I definitely agree with the first statement. So important to support one another.
I am a caregiver for my parents and am getting burn out. I feel so bad when I lose my patience with them which I seem to do more but it is a 24/7 with no break. My dad fell and broke his hip 3 years ago and really is mostly bound to a chair and bed. My mom is doing pretty good but is getting a little more forgetful. I live very close and spend 16-20 hours a day at their place. My husband has been good about this and rather I spend the nights there with them than everyone to live together. My brother lives a few states away and comes in every 6 months or so to stay a week or 2 by the time he gets here I have to take my dad to the dr and am so burn out that I am too tired to do much. My brother and I aren't close due to that I seem to never be good enought for him. I don't care about that doesn't bother me just that my mom can not see this and I seem to be the bad peson. Which anymore I don't care about that.I do have a garden and flowers and even have a few chickens now to help me and thankful for the internet. We could hire some help but my mother is so shy that I would have to be there when they were so why waste the money. They wouldn't be happy in the nurseing home so I am trying to just do the best I can. I have tried to hold on to the family land for my child and grandchildren but I am getting to the point that that isn't even inportant to me anymore my brohter doesn't have children. My parents feel that everything should be split down the middle and me do all the work. Sometimes I get resentful on that. I pray for patience nore then anything not the yell. I have my dad to kick his legs before he gets up to be easier and he doesn't even want to do that. I know others have it harder but I guess I need to just write this down. I just go from house to house all day. I also babysit grandkids some. I am going to have to do more for myself because i don't even know who I am anymore. Good luck to all the caregivers out there. May be one of the hardest things you will ever do.
As far as the article is concerned I am one of those SANDWICH CAREGIVERS and I learned alot from my experiences and continue to learn. Also i think it makes my children more understanding for people with disablities. They do not make fun or tease anyone that is "different' or elderly". Watching their mom take care of their NaNa made them very understanding
Hey clueless, Just hang in there alright. Just tell yourself it will be alright. Re-examine why you are taking care of them in the first place. Call to find out if there are any programs you can get them into so they can get in a skilled nursing facility. Do a little research on the matter. Is there other family members that can help out even for a couple of hours so you can have some down time? If there is do not be ashamed to ask....
Life is very funny because when we feel we used up every ounce of energy, or we think that we can not handle anymore we all seem to get up in the morning and do it all over again. Day after Day.
clueless, you sounds very depressed, burned out, cynical, and bitter, particularly toward you 90 year old dad. He must have done some really bad things.
Do they both have medicare A and B or does one of them qualify for medicaid?
Who has durable and/or medical POA for them? If this has not been done, then it sure needs to be?
I would assume both have some retirement and or investment income? Do either one of them have long term care insurance?
What I'm hearing is that he earns too much money for reduced costs for services, but the money he does have is not enough to give you a break from being 24/7? Is that correct?
With parents of those ages, I would guess that you are in your fifties or so. How is your health? Unless you work out of the house, how long has it been since you supportive yourself with full time employment? Do you have any health problems that would qualify you for some federal money?
Are you an only child, like myself, or do you have siblings and what is their involvement, if any in this?
Your step-mother's dementia is just going to go from bad to worse, and worse. Your dad is very old, but must have somewhat better health.
It sounds to me anyhow like you have reached a breaking point and something needs to change Is he capable of understanding some changes are needed and possibly helping look into some alternatives for their future?
Your step-mother will most likely not understand this, but you need to tell you dad, enough of the current status quo, ask how you can help them look at alternatives because your own ship is sinking and if you are not working and are able to work, then you need to get a job and start taking care of yourself, but it sounds like possibly your journey has become more of one who is a martyr which is basically slow self-destruction by degrees.
I wish you well in dealing with this and I'd love to know how it turns our, but it does sound like you have reached a turning point where something needs to change.
I take care of my ninety year old dad (if you want to call him that) and my 77 year old step mom with dementia. There is no help for me. He makes to much money for help but not enough to help..
Hi, Nancy! Maybe tell him you do "trust him," but your body won't go another mile without his coming up with an alternate care plan for his parents that relieves you of most, if not all of your hands-on care responsibilities? Easy for him to invoke trust when he remains in the care distance.
Can you think of one good reason you need to be doing all you do? Maybe it's love for your husband, which is cool. What is not cool is anything so one-sided as you have described. You ready to say something about how you feel, and how tired you are? You're worth it! Best of luck in bringing the matter to the surface sooner rather than later.
What if you are the daughter-in-law taking on full responsibility and the son (your husband) says to just "trust him" and to continue on doing EVERYTHING for the 90 & 95 year old in-laws. The phrase "burned out" doesn't even come close......
I have joined Sr. Circle thru our hospital and I make time to go to some event (like walking) at least once a month. I read after I get everyone settled at night and belong to a book club that meets once a month. I get help in for MOM from The Sr. Center in town so I can do these things and work like crazy while my grandchild is in school!
thats actually good advice, now all i have to do is take it..haha..stressed? yup.im handling better than i thought iwould, actually, but sometimes....arrgghh!!
Very timely article. I just decided instead of fighting with my mom to go to church with us on Saturday nights I would go ahead and hire Comfort Keepers to cover the 3 additional hours a week. I've tried to be so careful spending my Mom's money and not have Comfort Keepers when I'm able to care for my Mom. But I'm realizing it's better to spend her money on her care than risk both of us losing our sanity! I did start seeing a counsellor a few weeks ago and she told me I need "me time" every day. I can't quite figure out how that can happen every day but I'm trying to do better. Have started to get back into walking on my treadmill and this week I actually got 3 workouts in! I have to get up earlier to make it happen so am not getting as much sleep but I think it's worth it. Thanks for sharing Carol.
I know how you feel. First step, go check on her, give her a smile and see if there is anything you can do for her. If all is AOK then try to do something that would make you happy. Most important, don't give up, keep going. Things change for the better all the time.
Overwhelmed, Yep, That's the word. Now how do I deal with it? Don't know, don't know. Okay I'll take it step by step. Wait, How do I take a step again? Okay, gotta go see if she's still alive.
kittycats37, hope you find the help your Mom needs. You have a lot on your plate. God bless you and grant you strength each day to do all you must accomplish.
i been mostly keeping up with my doctor appointments but cant seem to get into see the doctor for a pap smear since its hard to when you are bleeding most of the time and they dont want to check you ,im going on a diet to loose some weight so hopefully i will feel better from my pain im feeling , i take care of my mom to ,husband ,and four children ages 11 months to 16 thats is a hard job for us caregivers epecially when we are sick our selves .mY MOM IS A VETERAN SO IM TRYING TO GET THE AID AND ATTENDANCE SO I CAN TAKE ME A BREAK SO I CAN GO TO THE BEACH THATS MY OUT FOR ME TO RELAX.
Funny that I am reading your article after enjoying a spell of looking at a gorgeous photo on my desktop of a former TWA (Trans World Airlines) stretch airplane. TWA was my favorite airline and preferred carrier in my frequent flyer days. It is now my preferred pc desktop photo.
On another matter, skipping mammograms? Nah. Not me? :-) I sure have! Thanks for the reminder.
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8 Ways to Stop Caregiver Stress Now
Pretty crappy way to get an unavoidable break and seems like the only breaks have had is getting groceries or doctor appointments for the past few months. Sorry am not handling this too good right now, but thanks for the article and other caregiver comments.
Life is very funny because when we feel we used up every ounce of energy, or we think that we can not handle anymore we all seem to get up in the morning and do it all over again. Day after Day.
Do they both have medicare A and B or does one of them qualify for medicaid?
Who has durable and/or medical POA for them? If this has not been done, then it sure needs to be?
I would assume both have some retirement and or investment income? Do either one of them have long term care insurance?
What I'm hearing is that he earns too much money for reduced costs for services, but the money he does have is not enough to give you a break from being 24/7? Is that correct?
With parents of those ages, I would guess that you are in your fifties or so. How is your health? Unless you work out of the house, how long has it been since you supportive yourself with full time employment? Do you have any health problems that would qualify you for some federal money?
Are you an only child, like myself, or do you have siblings and what is their involvement, if any in this?
Your step-mother's dementia is just going to go from bad to worse, and worse. Your dad is very old, but must have somewhat better health.
It sounds to me anyhow like you have reached a breaking point and something needs to change Is he capable of understanding some changes are needed and possibly helping look into some alternatives for their future?
Your step-mother will most likely not understand this, but you need to tell you dad, enough of the current status quo, ask how you can help them look at alternatives because your own ship is sinking and if you are not working and are able to work, then you need to get a job and start taking care of yourself, but it sounds like possibly your journey has become more of one who is a martyr which is basically slow self-destruction by degrees.
I wish you well in dealing with this and I'd love to know how it turns our, but it does sound like you have reached a turning point where something needs to change.
Can you think of one good reason you need to be doing all you do? Maybe it's love for your husband, which is cool. What is not cool is anything so one-sided as you have described. You ready to say something about how you feel, and how tired you are? You're worth it! Best of luck in bringing the matter to the surface sooner rather than later.
On another matter, skipping mammograms? Nah. Not me? :-) I sure have! Thanks for the reminder.