When my dad died at 90 I realized at 82-80 my folks had updated their wills making each other POA and executrix, I was back up. The wills were also more complicated than need be. I quickly worked with my mom to make a few minor changes to simplify gifts to grandchildren, now all over 30, and included having my son be contingent POA and executor on mom's will. Neither parent would have been competent to handle the estates. I spent a year unraveling my folks IRS taxes 2017-2019 with my mom. The agent was thankful to be working with someone using tax software and a full home office. My folks DID have all the paper copies of documents. We then set up POA or agent on all accounts including the IRS. Beneficiaries on as much as possible, maintaining the spirit of their wills. Thankfully we worked quickly as mom's mild forgetfulness, declined rapidly over 2 months mid- 2020. Setting up the paperwork is a daunting task. I set aside 3-4 hours a day for months to settle dad's estate and get right with the IRS.

Some of your stories are heart breaking. Doctor's appointments and hospital stays are trouble some without a POA. My sister, who we haven't seen in 20 years will be upset as my folks did not include her in their will. I've saved the old will to show her the 2019 will is continuing what my folks did years before. My son and I are doing or managing all mom's care, finances and repairing and emptying my folks home. I was not able to move to a smaller home as I needed the space for mom to live here. My folks did not know her children past the age of about 10.

The sad thing about it all is attorney’s do not not tell you when you pay for these end of life documents PatientAdvocate/POA, Trust etc. That some Probate Judge’s nationwide are revoking them with no reason and instead of a family member they appoint a court appointed professional guardian of the judges choice to control your vulnerable elder parents or adult disabled loved ones whole estate sale everything and send pictures and other personal items to the dump causing legal abuse syndrome, early nursing home admissions and death isolated away from loved ones even before Covid-19. Family members can do the same thing under undue influence as the judge in some cases does not allow due process to allow evidence or the truth by opposing parties. Netflix Dirty Money episode Guardian Inc. explains how this time of evil happens. Dr. Sam Sugar’s book also gives advise on how to try to prevent this from happening. Bessie Owens case from Detroit Mi and thousands of other cases can be googled on line.

So what can you do when an unscrupulous person has taken an elderly person with dementia to a lawyer & had them sign unlimited DPOA & had them amend a 17 year old trust to benefit just the DPOA?

Funds are limited to hire a lawyer & the new DPOA form gives the abuser the right to use the elders funds.

My dad has all his senses at 92 but is relutant to give over POA .my oldest bro. Has convinced him he doesn't have to. because he lives at home rent free .there's alot of tormoil with with the oldest son and his sons. I'm afraid for his and mom's saftey how do u rid this problem

I also would like to know when and elderly person (94) falls and gets hurt badly, can another person change his will or have him change it when a different party has been listed on the will, power of attorney for health and property for over 25 years.

I was told by one of the many attorneys I visited in free consultations that if they could get "a moment of clarity" then they could in fact have the elder sign legal documents. I do not know if this is in all states.

Is it possible to put a house in a Trust after a spouse is diagnosed with ALZ? So many question raise more question, a never ending issue.

Hi I would be grateful of advice. My partners mom is very sick.
She was hospitalised and has returned home for end of life care.
She can barely walk. Is very abusive. Threatening to call the police on my partner for refusing to hand her back her car keys. Obviously a car in her hands will be deadly. She is unable to deal with her finances and obligations. My partner tried to get her to sign power of attorney over to him and her nephew. She has refused. So as a family they can't do much to help her and she can't do it herself. Is there anyway of my partner and the nephew obtaining power of attorney without her signature?
Thank you in advance.
We are in NJ she is PA.

My father has a Durable Power of Attorney for my mother which also lists my two brothers as I was living out of state at the time of conception of the document. I have since then moved back to the area and am caring for my mother in later stages of her Alzheimer's. Moving forward it appears that I will be handling most of the caregiving. Is there a way to formally add my name to the existing power of attorney through the rights of my elderly father? She is now mentally incapable of signing any new POA documents. ?????

so my aunt can sign somewhat of her name...but its not completely legible..she wants to make me power of attorney ..but I don't know if this will hinder me .....can she sign ''X''...? we live in Indiana.

My father is 94 and in a full care home. My brother in law and sister had found out that a few years ago, my dad had lent my daughter a small loan for a down payment on a Townhouse, which has been paid back. My sister and her husband and also my brother found out about it and all they were all upset about it as they were worried it was coming out of their inheritance. My brother in law took it upon himself to go to my dad's assisted living place at the time and persuade him to change his "Enduring Power of Attorney" over to him and without me knowing. I have always been there for my dad when he was hospitalized, especially after my mother passed away and he was on his own. The others have never bothered with him up until this time. My brother in law made it impossible for me to do anything for my dad at this point, as to knowing his well-being while in the hospital, going to my dad's place to get his personal things, toothbrush, razor, etc. and also showing my dad his financial statements. I was able to have the Notary and a witness come in and pay my dad a visit to change the Power of Attorney back to myself. I can now take my dad to appointments, buy him his personal care items, and take him out for drives. My dad is mentally cognitive and looks forward to reading his news papers he has delivered to his room every day. I have had to hire a caregiver from a private company to help me with some of the appointments and just for companionship as I am working full-time and finding it too much. I have a brother that only visits him about once every 2 months and a sister that lives a block away and never sees him. My dad and sister have had their differences in the past and have never really gotten along. My dad had called my sister as he hadn't heard from her in months and she told him that he has been horrible to her since she was 3 years old, which is really not true at all, and that she doesn't want to talk to him or see him ever again! My dad was very hurt over this and has phoned his Notary and asked her to call me and have my sister taken out of his will and have his 4 grandchildren in her place. My dad has passed his cognitive test last year and is having another one soon. What can I expect will happen when they realize that they are out of the will? Two of the grandchildren are hers.

I forgot to add, the trustee told everyone there was little money left, thinking nobody knew, he tried to hide over $1 million for over a year even after I provided statements.

My Grandmother's tax man, so called investment advisor? groomed my grandmother into being her fiscal POA , then trustee. Acting as her POA he came to my home panicked, alleging my Sister was kidnapping our Grandmother?taking her to LA, My Grandmother had always wanted to move South however I could not go thus she never did, she was in 3 care homes her last 3 months, Feb 2011 Pradaxa overdose destroyed her life ad mine, My life was destroyed even more than I knew until after her death. I was a 50% beneficiary of the family trust of $2.3 mil cash, I only asked to contract promising not to revoke or reduce my existing status, so no compensation as I was getting it for doing nothing as my Sister still is, A Sister who didnt invite Grandmother to her wedding!, well she never told me using me another 18 months leading me on off a cliff, imagine my horror to read the 6 codicils all made secretely after Pradaxa strokes! Now I am 2 yrs into at least 2 yrs more fighting my family they want to keep my money!

Glad I had taken my parents [in their 90's] to have their Wills, POAs, etc. all changed as their previous legal documents were older than dirt, and more than half the names mentioned in their Will had passed on many years ago which would have been a nightmare to find heirs... not immediate heirs, just heirs.

While at the Elder Law attorney's office, the attorney talked about doing a Trust and she took notes. The attorney gave my parents homework to fill out. Every time I asked Dad if he got the homework done, he would say he was working on it. A year went by and Dad was still working on the homework... in the mean time Mom had passed, thank goodness everything was in joint names between Mom and Dad.

Made an appointment with the same Elder Law attorney to update all the legal documents, and she also got out her notes from a year ago and she and Dad talked about the Trust. Since everything was the same, she was able to draw up the Trust. I was worried that Dad's memory wouldn't be on course, but he did fine and her notes from a year ago were helpful. A Trust was signed a few weeks ago. Whew, that was close as Dad's short term memory now is in the weeds :(

If father has cognitive problems or disabled. Possible if cohursed to turn over poa and change will. Possible abuse of vunerable person. Or with will possible extortion of vunerable person. Elder abuse.????
Do you enteract take him to drs. If so you should know status.

And what happens when there already are such documents signed and now that person has dementia, a manipulative family member had new documents signed? We are led to believe that having these documents in place means the situation is under control but that's NOT TRUE. It's amazing how much trouble these people can cause and how much more miserable they make the life of the person originally designated.

I went through this with my mom in 2013 & it was pretty easy. I found a notary & 2 witnesses and we all went to moms hospital room & she signed with an X. She could no longer write & we knew something was wrong & going on & to be on safe side had her take care of her will & POA then after we found out she had vascular dementia & she passed within a year. We told her why we were there & told her what we wanted her to sign & why & she agreed it was ok & she signed with an X barley an X but it passed.

I doubt you can establish a Trust for your father's estate. The Trust is your father's wishes...He should have done that before he passes. I am not sure what the point is where your father could not even do a TRUST....I would ask an attorney all of these questions. If he is not incompetent, he can STILL make his Trust wishes. Make sure you deal with the End of Life wishes.

Very interesting. However, I would like to know if a POA can establish and sign a Will for an aging adult whose mind is not as it was?

My partner wants to make his trust non revocable. I convinced him to please think this out. I felt that there might come a time, when he would want to make a change. What are the ramifications of the NON revocable Trust? Now that he has signed off on his trust, does it have to be redone to make it non revocable, or can he just sign a simple statement to that effect in front of the attorney of course.

This is all confusing to me. My husband has Lewy Body and in bad shape. When he was well, he refused to make a will or trust or anything. Things went downhill fast and he is now in nursing home and on Medicaid and I only have medical POA but no guardianship at all and my elder care lawyer said to leave it this way. He said it was for my protection. That put me in a bind because now I am flat broke almost and cannot refinance nor sell my home, his expensive truck is in his name only, cannot sell that, cannot find out who the beneficiaries are on his two life insurance policies, cannot work or Medicaid deducts my earnings from my income that is left. Cannot do anything to help myself. I am only 60 so cannot collect any social sec for quite a while. My lawyer is concerned about his kids from other marriage who are not far from my age but they have not made moves towards trying to claim anything ...yet. They were upset when they found out we had to liquidate his annuity for nursing home, that was part of their inheritance. None of them now speak to me for God knows why. We have had no disputes. So how is this protecting me? They are elder care lawyers in MI. I am totally alone in this.

As a POA, can I set up a trust for father's estate?

mikemorris, do you think that your father is incompetent to make these changes?

My father has changed his power of attorney and his will over to a friend. I need some help and it appears that is will cost me a lot of money that I just don't have. Are there any orginizations out there that will help me?

Kedwards:I am an only child too and have the same problem with the elder turning down helpful opportunities at the last minute. I have had be around for my mom since July 1991. I found out that it is hidden in medical records about brain damage that her doctor has kept from my knowledge. I know I need a psychiatrist. I know that I am unemployable because I repeat myself too much after all these years. Mom loses and drops things all day long...

Yes, Lillylu, they do need to be cognizant which is why I tried to get mom on board with it before it was too late but her response to me on it shows that that boat may have already left the port. A PT who was here a few months ago suggested the medical POA and mom didn't become unglued then. But when I brought it up right before we were to go to the dr, she had a fit telling me she's leaving me everything anyway what's the problem. SMH. I'm an only child and stuck in the house alone with the goofiness. Me repeating medical mom medical had no effect. I finally had to just apologize to her and move on swearing I'll never mention it again. That's what I get for being practicial and trying to respect her wishes. Caregiving can be good -- for awhile but after yrs and yrs of it -- it becomes a curse. Thank God I have no kids of my own to drive nuts! Take care and hope it works out for you!

Thanks for your reply Kedwards460! As I mentioned under another question, Durable Power of Attorney is recommended by the visiting law school students at mom's physician's office for when the elder is incapacitated. It is to be done when elder is still cognizant. However, the subject matter is making her bitter. First thing in the morning, she asks where her will is. She signed the health care directive 2 years ago, but this DPOA and requests for changes in healthcare directive, mistakes & updates in will, and now applying for DPOA have been making her mean. I try to take it in stride, because there are times when she says she had no idea she was so mean. We still have a long way to go.The 87yr old father-in-law passed last month, and I noticed everyone had to fill out a "contract not to probate" at the cemetery. So I guess I will just do the best I can & leave the rest to the attorney someday. Your question about Medicaid. It is still SLMB at this time. However, we are getting close to changing over in the coming year. Thanks so much for the sympathy because I am married but alone in this.

Lillylu, is it possible for you to take your parent to court to obtain guardianship? I hoped that I wouldn't have to do that with my mom when the time came b/c I thought by talking to her while she is still somewhat rationale about a medical POA would work. HA, if you read from my post my mother now interprets a medical POA has what she is going to be laid out in and the music she wants played at her funeral. Trying to discuss with her and tell her that was not the case only infuriated her and made her make less sense. Mom thinks that the doctor will tell her if and when she should get a POA and since the dr's know I live with her and am her caregiver and have my phone # -- who needs a medical POA? This is what I'm dealing with -- alone. So instead of this getting done and legal and proper, IF the time comes where a POA is needed, I will probably have to take mom to court. Sad but true. But at least I know, I tried to avoid it by doing the right thing. . I know how you feel about prison and slavery and being an adult caregiver with NO employment sinking further into the abyss.
Since you said your parent has spent down to the final $0 does that make them eligible for Medicaid? It sounds as if your parent may be ready for more skilled care than you like in a facility perhaps. I'm praying for you girl. All this talk about how 'great' it is that seniors are living longer is just crap. If it's not a good healthy old age and imprisons your adult children -- ain't that great to me and in the words of Roger Daltry from The Who "hope I die before I get old" if this is how 'great' it is.

One can have a person that forgets everything every few minutes and has had volunteer help at home with dressing, laundry, paying bills, and grooming, and consequently has no diagnosis from the physician as to Alzheimers or dementia. (Can anyone imagine the poor soul who has to run around reminding a person every few minutes 24/7 and clean up e-coli with no cleaning products, as well as lose his/her means of survival and marriage in the process? This is a new brand of slavery. Sorry if this term offends you!) One has to figure out how to help them get a loan to fix the roof or repair mildew rot or plumbing or painting. That individual loses everything you give them an hour later, even all personal documentation & IDs. Then, to top it all off, the adult-child-caregiver is threatened with stealing! And the elder never remembers what the caregiver had to do for them! This is a hell I find worse than prison. (Yes, I know there are creeps in prison, but someone cares about disease prevention, and I would not have to hear repetitive excuses night & day.) The validity of a old trust is absurd. The adult child caregiver with no employment will have to figure out burial when the time comes. You talk about traumatic! To have to go thru CPR, getting infected again, and then, taking a personal loan out to make sure the parent has a proper burial. And now they talk about the fiscal cliff...

I did not know anyone could sign a will that is under guardianship who has Alzheimer's disease. Maybe you should ask the guardian to turn over the guardianship to you. Have you tried asking the court? Why are you only allowed to visit two days per week? If you cannot ask the court you should get an attorney. An attorney can help you.