It would be amazing if we could have the whole world wear diapers/pull-ups because potty training is so 20th century.

A really cool trick that might help would be to wear Diapers/Pull-Ups with the Senior who needs them so that way he or she can see it as being super cute & fun. Sheryl Underwood inspired me (and she might also inspire others) to wear Diapers/Pull-Ups by showing it as being cute & fun.

Betty123 I'am the older adult who became incontinent my wife finally convinced me to wear diapers that was not easy for her or me the stigma was great the worse she is still continent seems like a let down.

I convinced my mother to use large shaped pads quite easily. When she came to stay for a week and as I use them myself sometimes when traveling so I gave her one for night and explained that she can "go" in the pad without any worry.

They are very absorbent and work basically like a diaper, but are wore inside own underwear.

She slept very well for over a long time because did not have to run to toilet like crazy and did not make the bed wet. She uses them now almost every night.

Counter to the prevailing notion of proper terminomolgy, I found that using the term "diaper," in my situation, actually works better. When I call them "underwear" mom 86 frantically tries to remove them when she pees so as not to get her "underwear" wet. I explain that these work like a diaper, so leave them on and you'll keep your clothes dry. She understands this and has significantly fewer problems with removing them at the wrong times.

I had trouble with incontinence growing up then dry for several yrs then in my 50's after my 2nd marriage the incontinence returned my wife and I discussed it she wanted me back in diapers to protect the bed I was not wanting to the dr said I was a diabetic was the cause also might mention that have autism+dd.

My mother my mother calls them designer underwear. She wears the briefs with a Poise pad inside. She made this up on her own. Letting the person deal with it in their own way is the best way

I called them disposable underwear and said I was so blessed because it would cut down on washing clothes. He pulls the top down so it feels like his bikini briefs he use to wear. It's been working for over a year and no complaints.

When it came time for my mother to use incontinence wear, we called them
Fancy Pants. She loved it and there was no embarrassment.

It’s a problem being labeled by the forever present HIPPA protected mess that America has accepted or rejected on a personal basis.
I know because I have such a label. I needed it because I worked as a paraprofessional when I contracted chronic radiation proctitis that ruined my chances of ever working in a field that gave me identity, great health insurance, and a paycheck for doing what I loved to do.
I wasn’t able to work like that. I was awarded long term disability from their insurance company, which lasted 3 years.
See. Long Term isn’t “forever” or until ya die. Like the term “diaper” it’s a category term.
I volunteered for Meals on Wheels which opened a door to part time work without contracts or health insurance driving an 11 passenger bus in exchange for some money. I even got to keep the bus on my property, plus a “gas” credit card.
I drove over 109,000 miles a year. I assisted people in need. I “Captained” my ship so to speak.
incontinence happened. I could pull into a space and change out easily enough. If I stunk, so what. Most of my clients were use to people stinking. No big deal.
My best “job” ever. I still got disability / retirement $$ from Social Security, because when you go over 65 disabled, they change it to “retired”.
No more limits on income. I was awarded “best driver” for every quarter that I drove for that Company. But, all good things come to an end when you go deaf or hard of hearing, as this State won’t let you drive commercial without adequate hearing regardless of your incontinence problems.
I buy whatever passes for disposable underwear at any store that sells it without embarrassment or concern. I can stink up a Church and live with it. I’m free until politicians mess me up. Just have to keep from becoming violent, best I can.

This comes from the elder person myself.I started wetting bed self and my younger wife and I had a talk she said the protection would keep her and the bed dry.I know were adult protection.

Thank you for this advice. I hadn't even thought about the word "diaper", probably because my three year old granddaughter still wears one, although word is she's finally decided she's done with them. I have bought my mother "depends" with velcro and pull up. Part of the problem is how heavy she is. Even X-Large are tight. That, and she is OBSESSED with her poop. I'm starting to think she enjoys watching her daughter on her hands and knees, scrubbing with a mask and gloves, gagging, while she will literally sit up in bed, move to the bottom and WATCH me clean it with a SMILE on her face! I told her next time I would call Hazmat. Then she smeared it EVERYWHERE, slipped, fell, and ended up going to the hospital. She got home yesterday and was again sitting on her bed with a smile, watching her daughter clean up the bathroom AGAIN. My mother also has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (undiagnosed, but after 57 years, trust me).... which makes it even harder to communicate with her. But I will try. 1. I will call social services today and ask for a "welfare" check. My step-father has terminal cancer and he doesn't deserve this. And 2. I will ask her today to try "disposable underwear" to see if that might help elevate the problem. My worry is that she gets more pleasure watching me on my hands and knees.....

Because of Dad's bad knees he wasn't able to make that mad dash to the bathroom in time... oops.... so Mom would get down on the rug and scrub and scrub.

Dad refused to wear any "women protection stuff" like guards [pads for males] or Depends type products. Thus at 95 my Mom was getting tired of cleaning up the trails throughout the house. Finally she had a light bulb moment, the next time Dad had a mishap she handed him the cleaner and paper towels, and watched him like a hawk to make sure the rug was clean. After a few times of Dad doing the cleaning, he started to wear Depends :)

I agree 100% never to call adult diapers - diapers! Our love ones may be loosing some memory, but are still intelligent. We must work within these boundaries. I chose to call the diapers - Underware. Now, this may seem simple, but my husband NEVER wore underware!! So, this was tricky. I began by telling him they were his important "traveling pants" to be warm and comfortable. He bought into it. And, lucky for me, it stuck. He never fights me on this, and has accepted the traveling pants. Find a name that suits the situation, and if it is comfortable for the loved one..... you're set. Hope this helps.

I just want to say that fecal incontinence was the first clue that my mom's ability to cope was declining. I went to many a doctor's appointment with her where she indicated that she used both stool softeners and Imodium on a regular basis. I didn't catch it, but neither did the doc. It was only after mom went to assisted living that the whole ugly truth came out. Because the director of nursing was like "wtf?" Mom had a bout of explosive diarrhea that ended her up in the hospital and we finally figured out why she wouldn't go out of the house/apt, etc. Loads of shame around this for that generation.

Convincing adults is the most difficult job in the house especially when it comes to sensitive issues like convincing them to wear adult diapers. Most importantly adults have the self respect factor which hinders them from agreeing to wear disposable medical supplies online. I had to show them instances where elderly people tend to get embarrassed without these emergency continence products.

Great advice, just as was said, leave only the protective underwear" like these theincontinencestore/pull_ons, in the house. Get the really thin ones like prevail or the Depend panties that are specifically made for women. These might not totally solve your problems (sounds like she needs the adult diapers like you said), but an absorbent pantie is going to make your life a heck of a lot easier.

Take away all panties except the "paper panties" and keep them readily available at all times....by the potty, in the bedroom, onhe night table, on the sink..... in the drawers...everywhere. What else can she do, but wear them.

I am at my witts end. My client has dementia. Love her to death. She is so stubborn though. I cant get her to wear adult briefs. I am a can and never had anyone fight me like her. And I can see its getting to her elderly husband. She has basically bm's on the bedroom floor in the morning. HELP!!!!

Please don't call me Shirley. Call them anything but diapers.

Great article. Thanks, Carol.

(Diapers? everyone knows those are for babies)

Re the hot fudge sundaes: I have no problem with people with Alzheimer's eating sweets. My sisters used to carefully - and stupidly - monitor my mom's intake of sweets and by the time she died, she was a stick anyway! However, I can see that the ice cream could be problematic in terms of "accidents." What if the caregivers gave her the one sundae and then other types of sweets? Just a thought. . .

My mom with Dementia, has the "sweet tooth" that goes along with this. She get ONE hot fudge sundae per day and is suppose to wear her "pull-ups" because by the time she says she has "to go" it is usually too late.
I told the care givers that the hot fudge plus ice cream (dairy) will make her have accidents but they keep listening to her and then they get stuck cleaning up feces all over her and the floor, toilet seat. She insists she does not have any accidents because she has dementia.....then they call me COMPLAINING because " your mom had another accident"..well, duhhhhh, I told you why and what to do. They all give her 2-3 sundaes per day (nobody listens to me which is so annoying) so they are "shooting themselves in the foot", because they are not listening to reason.
I told my mom that she needs to comply and wear the pull-ups.....for that moment, she will agree, but after I walk out the door, she will yank them off and crap all over the place.....This is the field they are in, so better get use to gloves, wipes and a mop.
Sorry I did not help with the problem, but it is just everyone being consistent and it should just become habit, IF you get workers that work with you instead of against you....good luck everyone...it does not get easier~

My mom wouldn't wear them at first, but I told her that if she wore them, even if she had an accident, it would be like an eraser that would erase it away. Now she's so excited to go to bed in her new Magic Underpants.

With my mom, I called them a new kind of Kotex. With my current relative, we call them briefs.

I also corrected the urologist who saw my mother. He was so impressed and thought the term "protective underwear" was wonderful. The next time we saw him, he was still saying 'diapers!" (sigh)

Thank you cb for stressing that diapers are for babies... Our elders have so little dignity left and happy you stood up for that.. thanks

I called them protective underpants. When my mom was in the hospital and a nurse or aide said something about diapers, I ALWAYS commented that he or she should use the term protective underwear. While nobody disagreed, the nurses and aides continued to use the word "diaper." Old habits are hard to break I guess. Diapers are for babies!!!!!

I've used the word "paper panties", but I don't dwell on them. Have them ready and just put them on. What's the alternative? Wet cloth panties?

dakemeka, is there a possibility they are too large or too small? In some way making him uncomfortable? Have you tried the "pull up" kind? Or have you tried putting a pair of briefs over the depends? Sounds like he may be uncomfortable in some way. I know Ruth does not like the ones that have the tape on them, so I no longer use them. Hope you find something that works for you...good luck.